(Closed) Hen do activity controversy!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Church

loradorasmith:  Maybe there is a bit of a compromise? I’m not sure what you proposed but perhaps going to a cottage where people can choose to take part in some of the activities and they can do something else? Quite honestly, you should be able to say the activities you do not want to do and then they can take it from there. My thinking is they can do a spa weekend any other time and that they should be choosing something that you would at least be interested in doing. If it were me I would try to find a happy medium for everyone and just suck it up and do some things I would normally not enjoy because it’s not about me, but rather it is about everyone having a good time and celebrating before the Big Day.

Post # 3
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think you need to consider why they don’t want to take part. If they have potentially good reasons, (e.g. not having the fitness or strenght required, having to wear a wetsuit, having to have some sort of specific garmet/footwear, luggage restrictions due to travel) then maybe some sort of compromise can be found.

If however they just don’t want to get sweaty, then I wouldn’t worry too much.

I would also try to avoid a situation where people not taking part are looking on from the sidelines (maybe you meant that metaphorically?). 

Finally, if there are people who know you don’t want to go on a spa weekend but are still asking you to go on a spa weekend, do not expend too much energy trying to make them happy. They are clearly not returning the favour.


Post # 5
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

loradorasmith:  I see the hen night as a gift to the bride, from her friends. So like all gifts (a) it should be within the budget of the givers, and (b) the giver has the final say, but also (c) it should be something the recipient likes.

So you are allowed to make requests, but it is up to your friends. I think you should give a general guide (outdoors-y), tell anything you defintely don’t want (like a spa day), and then leave it up to them to plan it.

Post # 6
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

loradorasmith:  I second the suggestion of renting a cottage/similar so that those who don’t want to take part don’t have to. With activities it’s always difficult as people often have legitimate reasons for not wanting to do certain things: fear of heights and the sea being two, as you’ve mentioned. So I think if you can arrange something where people don’t HAVE to take part and can sit it out, that would be best.

I’m not sure if you’re UK based, but thinking maybe you are as you’ve called it a hen do (apologies if I’m wrong!); if so, take a look at Forest Holidays. They’re luxury wood cabins in various locations throughout the UK and they offer a range of activities both onsite or nearby eg treks, cycling, tree climbing, caving, clay pigeon shooting, archery, etc. That way those who want to participate can, and those who don’t can just stay in the cabin and watch a film/drink/etc.

Otherwise, look at ‘safe’ options eg archery and shooting are things most people can do as they don’t involve heights/water etc; likewise hiking/walking (if you pick a sensible route). Whereas things like abseiling/climbing/watersports are more difficult as some people do have a fear of heights or water.

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