- 6 years ago
My cousin is getting married in two weeks time. She is 37 years old. Already owns her house, doesnt work because her husbands family is rich and has children. It is her first marriage and has been engaged for four years. It is her hen do today, which I am reluctantly attending.
She came to my hen do and wedding last year. My hen do was a spa day and meal. All parts of my hen do we’re optional and I made sure my bridesmaids, who organised it, knew to keep it all optional. I had 15 people come to mine and they very kindly split all of my costs amongst themselves (about £18 pounds each extra to cover me). Unfortunately, for my hen do we didn’t get to do what I really wanted because people who said they would do karaoke then cancelled at the last minute – the bride to be was one of those.
I just want to check if I am being irrational in my feelings. Here goes …
This bride to be has organised her own hen do. The first we heard about it was about three months ago – we were told we were invited, however, we were not told the plans for today and the costs until yesterday lunchtime. A few of the girls replied to the bride saying that they weren’t expecting the hen do to cost so much and one of them said they could get work discount if they had been told earlier. I also did not expect this either. I replied to the bride saying that if we can get a discount it is worth trying to get it (when we were told about the costs, the bride told us the table is free if we meet the minimum spend so everyone has to put £50 in the kitty). She has calculated the £50 per person based on her not having to pay anything (there are 11 of us going including the bride and the table costs £500 minimum spend). This has annoyed me greatly. Especially as she knows I do not drink alcohol. This means I will have to drink 7 jugs of soft drink to break even on the £50. Please note that this is only part of the hen do. There is also a music video session, lunch, taxis, drinks at a bar, dinner, club entry, hotel. She never asked any of us if we were happy with all this! She also claimed that she has got us discounts on club entry, etc but when I looked at the clubs website, it’s basically the price quoted n the website. No effort has been made to accommodate those that don’t have as much money as her. She has no concept of having to work for her money.
Also, the fact that she didn’t let us know until yesterday lunchtime has also annoyed me.
Another thing that has annoyed me is her response to me suggesting we try for a discount – she misread what I meant and replied back to all the girls saying ‘those of you that want to cancel can email me directly to do so’. So now I feel unwanted or even unofficially uninvited.
She has also invited her mother to the hen do. The bride has not bites my mother. The reason this has really annoyed me is because the bride had asked my mother to help her pick out her dress – so my mother gave up one of her weekends to help the bride and on that day the bride showed up 90 minutes late and didn’t even have the courtesy to let my mother know. My mother is 53 and was left to wander around by herself for that time. Even when my mother texted the bride to find it where she was, the bride didn’t tell her that she was running late and by how long. For a few weekends after that, the bride asked my mother to keep chasing the bridal shop to make sure the dress was on schedule. So after helping her so much with a really important part of the day, my mother has not been invited to the hen do. That is unacceptable to me.
In addition to this, the bride is using the make-up artist that I used for my wedding (the make up artist is my best friend from university). And the bride also asked me for the details of the company did my wedding invitations. They can create thousands of different combinations of invites based on structure, material, paper, colour, etc. when I received her invite, it is identical to mine. I could not believe it. Also, she has even been in touch with the suit makers that made my husbands wedding suit. Whilst at first I was flattered, the fact that she is copying everything has pissed me off.
I just want to check if I am being unreasonable. Am I reacting unfairly based on the fact that:
– We weren’t told about the hen do until yesterday.- That when I suggested trying for a discount, she basically said ‘univite yourself if you can’t come’.- The cost being so high without checking with the girls – and several of us don’t drink alcohol and she knows this.- She has basically pushed the costs for her onto us without checking with the girls first (by calculating costs excluding her).- My mother has helped a lot but has been ignored for the hen do.- She has copied parts of my wedding.
I am only going to dinner and the club/drinks.