(Closed) Here comes the…groom?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

yikes, Im sorry for all of this! (HUGS)  Where is your family in all of this?  And WHY does the bridal aprty call it “Mikes weding?”  thats just strange…

as for your Future Mother-In-Law wanting a sign that says “MIKES WEDDING” by the church, tell her you’ll arrange for a sign, but it will say MIKE AND ELENA’S WEDDING.  Thats a little ridiculous…you deserve some attention, id tell her that if she wants to be involved then she needs to realze it is your weddng too, not jsut her son’s

Post # 4
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

Awwww, I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You should probably sit down and talk with them about how they are making you feel. Sometimes people are so wrapped up in what they are doing, they dont realize how they are making you feel.

Im sending hugs your way though because I know every girl wants to feel like a princess on their wedding day!

Post # 5
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You definitely deserve to have some attention!  You’re the bride!  I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.  That is really something you have no control over; have you told any of your family or bridesmaids how you feel?  I think it would make you feel better to talk to someone close to you about how you feel.  But with regards to the “sign”… it is most definitely “Mike and Elena’s Wedding” and not just “Mike’s wedding” (unless, of course, Mike is marrying himself!) and so it is definitely not out of line to suggest that any signs directing guests to the wedding also include your name, as I’m sure YOUR side of the guest list would like directions as well! 

 

Post # 6
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I can’t believe she wanted the sign to say that. Do not allow that! Do what KellyV said.

Maybe correct people? When someone says “Mike’s wedding” just laugh and say oh you mean “Mike and Elena’s wedding?” and smile. People probably don’t even realize they are doing it! And they can’t get too flustered if you smile when you correct them..

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well first of all, I’d like to say that the “Mike’s Wedding” business is ridiculous. Ask… wait, no TELL… your mother in law that you need the sign to say “Lastname Wedding” ie “Brown Wedding/Smith Wedding” or whatever. If she doesn’t do that, then no sign. Simple as that.

Secondly, it doesn’t sound like your Mother-In-Law has been very excited about the process with you, and I know that can be hard. Can you include someone else in the shopping/planning/etc? Do you have a sister or friend from college or co-worker who will go with you? I wouldn’t share a fun experience with someone who was cramping my style! If you invite her, and then she rains on your parade though, you can’t really complain because you are giving her the opportunity to affect your dress shopping. I would nip this in the bud and not invite her next time. If you start slowly phasing her out of wedding activities she will get the hint that her behaivor is unacceptable and she won’t be included if she acts like that.

Now– tough love time. It must be hard to see that everyone is not as excited as you had hoped. However, noone will ever care as much, or be as excited about, your wedding as YOU will. I think the wedding industry has done a complete number on bride’s heads. These days you have to have a string quartet, 8 tier cake, Vera Wang dress, and color-coordinated everything to fit this idea of the “perfect wedding”. Color schemes and designer dresses don’t make a perfect wedding. What you really should be focused on is your MARRIAGE.

The wedding is just a party to celebrate the marriage– and often brides lose sight of that when they get caught up in picking out colors/food/etc. It can be easy to do, but you must find a way to redirect the focus on you and your FI’s relationship.

It sounds like you two have some distance between you, and like you might need to work on expressing your feelings. Men will very rarely get excited about a bouttoniere, but he should be excited about marrying you.

Are you sure that he isn’t just ambivilant about the decor/dress/etc? Because I think thats totally normal. If he is excited about the MARRIAGE and ambivilant about the WEDDING, I honestly think that’s a good sign.

20 years from now it won’t matter what color the programs were, it will matter how you two FELT about each OTHER on your wedding day. Please don;t loose sight of that.

Post # 9
Member
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Elena, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  Have you talked about all of this is making you feel with your fiance?  It sounds like his attitude is part of the problem, and obviously his famiy’s.  I’m so sorry you are so hurt, but I think you have to sit down and talk to him, and tell him what’s going on.  Hopefully, he will be able to reassure you, and maybe help you tackle this.  As pp said, it is absolutely unacceptable to allow them to refer to the wedding as “mike’s”.  However, probably using laughter, smiles is the best way to deal with it.  It could be easy to get snarky, and it’s probably easier if you don’t go down that route.  Hang in there, and definitely talk to your FI!

Post # 10
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Mike’s wedding? Well, since Mike is not allowed to marry himself, definitely insist that both names be included on the sign.

But aside from that… 🙁 I am so sorry. I think for many brides the amount of attention they get turns out to be disappointing, so at least you’re in good company (even though I’m sure that doesn’t make you feel any better).

*HUGS!* You may not feel like you have friends, but you have us and we’ll be excited for you!

Post # 11
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Everything should say “Elena and Mike’s Wedding” (alphabetical order, that’s fair!).  Otherwise it should be Lastname – Lastname Wedding.  It sounds like Mike just wants to be married to you so that’s a good thing!

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry you’re feelign this way.  I’m sititng here with a mental balance in my had.  Are you overreacting?…..How much is justified?….Are they ridicukous?….

I also think the whole “Mike’s wedding” sign is ridiculous.  And I would try to get Fi’s support to back you up on some stuff.  Sure he doesn’t care that much about the actual wedding.  But he does care about your feelings, right?

I also think there there is a portion ofthis that is simply circumstance.  You said your own family is doing their own stuff.  You also said you didn’t have any friends.  So I’m guessing most of the weding party is your FI’s family/friends?  You said something about sisters.  Are even your own sisters calling Mike’s wedding????  I think to some degree, it’s natural for people closer to the groom to refer to the wedding as, “the groom’s” wedding, and vice versa for the bride.  When my brother got married, I called it John’s wedding, 75% of the time.  (And I didn’t mean anything hurtful by it.)

I’d recommned, really trying to figure out which aspects are worth putting on the battle gear for (Mike’s wedding sign) and which are best to just let go of (not oohing and aahing at the dresses).  Some of it is bad behavior.  Some of it is simply less than ideal circumstances for you..

Best wishes.

Post # 13
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Big no on the sign – I can’t believe she even suggested that. Nobody ever has a wedding for him or herself, so it doesn’t make sense to have a sign with one person’s name on it. It’s not a birthday party! I have the feeling that your Future Mother-In-Law understands it’s kind of gauche given that she’s made sure to ask you about it… Dont’ give in; be strong!

Post # 14
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry you’re feeling so alone in your excitement for the wedding.  I think at some point during the planning process a lot of brides who have taken on the role of planner have a “I can’t do this by myself!” or a “I’ve put so much effort into making things nice for everyone else…why don’t I deserve the same consideration?!” moment.  I felt some of the same things you’re going through…didn’t get the dress reactions I wanted, the groom mentioned Vegas every time I brought up details, and instead of helping, my FMIL just caused more stress.  Everyone seemed put out by small tasks which were nothing compared to my efforts.    I think the fact that you’re at the two month mark has a lot to do with how much this is affecting you now…it’s a stressful time even under the best of circumstances.  What helped me was talking to my Fiance and my family.  I let them know I felt alone in my excitement and that opened the door for them to be a lot more proactive in their involvement…once people are more involved, it’s easier for them to get excited about it.  My Fiance also stepped in with regards to his mom and kindly reminded her it was our wedding, not hers…which I have to give her credit she has been on better behavior ever since.  I suggest talking to your Fiance and your family about your feelings and make the sign however you want. 

Post # 15
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Whaaaat? “Mike’s Wedding” Uh uh. No way. No how!  Make sure you make it clear that it says “Elena & Mike’s Wedding” or else the sign won’t go up & you’ll go Bridezilla on her @$$. Seriously. Thats just plain rude.

I’m so sorry that you don’t feel supported or even like the bride. Have you made mention to this to any of your family/in laws? Perhaps they don’t realize they are making you feel this way! 🙂

((hugs))

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