Post # 1
Well we really made an effort to not have an enormous wedding. My parents had a 500 person wedding and I really wanted to keep it down to 300.
Our families are huge, we have close co-workers, and a big group of friends. My parents have their people, as do my grandmother and great grandmother.
For the most part, our families have been very respectful of the fact that this is our wedding, and we get the final say.
We realized that there would be some bad backlash from people who arent invited.
Here are our first two incidents:
1) A woman called and RSVP’d for her son who is coming. I did not invite his younger sister, and she told me that she was very hurt. I told her that we are sorry for that, but we had a very difficult time narrowing down the list and I have even left close relations out. (She is not at all related- I invited her son based on friendship). She kept dragging out her complaint and I basically just dealt with her politely but firmly.
2) A woman who was close friends with my grandfather started calling relatives and crying. She made a big stink of it to my Aunts. Because my grandfather has passed on, and they were close, my mom felt that she really did want to invite her and so I gave in. I don’t like this woman at all actually (total busybody gossip) but out of respect to my grandfathers memory I gave in. However I made it clear this was the LAST add on. My mom has been giving me total reign over the wedding, and this is the only thing she asked for. So, I’m at peace with the decision.
I’m wondering what else is going to happen!
Anyone else dealing with this kinda stuff lately?
Post # 3
Oh yeah! I had a lady who is friends with my Dad that I have not seen since I was like 10 post on FB wall that she better be getting an invitation. My cousins on my Mom’s side are coming out of the wood work looking for inviations and stirring up all kind of trouble all over the place. It’s difficult to deal with everyone’s demands…
Post # 4
I have recieved several RSVP’s back and people just write other people on them… If the invite wasn’t addressed to you than I’m sorry but you aren’t coming. I’ve also recieved “I’m still waiting for my invite” on my FB wall. I just get in contact with the people and try to put it nicely taht because of our venue we couldn’t invite everyone.
Post # 5
I haven’t yet had to deal with anything, but I’m getting nervous about it. We have some guests who are now in relationships who I think are expecting to get plus ones for. And these are people who have been perpetually single/casual daters, so we didn’t even think it was a possibility that they would be in relationships by the time our wedding came around. I’m already dreading the “I’m sorry we created the list MONTHS ago and can’t afford these extra guests” response I have ready.
We are already WAY over the number of guests we are comfortable inviting (aka couldn’t afford if they all came) as it is (eek).
Post # 6
I didn’t go through this but my friend did! About a month before her wedding disgruntled ex coworkers and distant relatives started complaining and asking where their invites were. She told people “If we had unlimited funds, time and space, everyone would be invited. But we don’t.”
Weddings aren’t cheap people! And they don’t plan themselves either.
Post # 7
I can’t wait for this!! (Read: sarcasm)
This is very, very typical for my parents’ friends. My mom herself has asked where her invite was for a friend’s wedding. Yup.
My parents have already started spreading the word that it’s a small wedding and not to expect an invitation.
Post # 8
We didn’t really have any complaints before the wedding, but after the wedding we heard from a couple people who weren’t invited.
A picture was posted and tagged to my DH’s facebook and one of his old highschool buddies posted “thanks for the invite”.
There were a few reasons we didn’t invite him. The first time I met him we came home from running errands and he was randomly seated on our front step with a mickey of vodka and just… wanted in our house!
The next time I met him he was drinking a BIG GULP filled with vodka and proceeded to tell me that HE would be the MC at our wedding. Asked if my BIL (who introduced Darling Husband and I) was going to be the MC and that he was going to force BIL not to and he would MC because he is WAY funnier than BIL.
Uhm. no you did not just invite yourself to my wedding and make yourself our MC. We’re not even HAVING an MC. So, I left his drunk ass out of our invite list.
Post # 9
DH’s cousin (who we didn’t know was dating someone and whose whole family was invited) had his mom call my Father-In-Law and the message was “I’m not coming if I can’t bring a date.” I wanted to strangle the kid — he had regular contact with Darling Husband and could have politely asked himself. We let him bring a date, but the whole way it was handled really irritated me.
Post # 10
Sorry you’re having to deal with that! Luckily we didn’t have anyone say anything like this to us, mostly because I caved to nearly all guest list requests. Granted, we weren’t dealing with such a large list. But before we sent invites out I did have FMIL’s cousin post on FSIL’s facebook asking when the wedding was, and when she told her responded that she was saving the date. Thank god she never posted or called when she wasn’t invited – if we started inviting parents cousins’ our list would of went from 150 to 275 once you add on spouses, no joke (my mom has between 40 and 50 of them!)
But DH’s cousinw as recently married, and it was a small wedding. Darling Husband was a bit miffed to not be invited after Future Mother-In-Law made us invite said cousin to our wedding. I reminded him that some peole actually stick to their plans of a small wedding and don’t just let their mom invite whoever they want, and he hadn’t cared if his cousin came anyways…and he dropped it. lol. But one very rude fmaily member who RSVPed for our wedding and never showed up, when Future Mother-In-Law posted pics from the other wedding had the nerve to comment ont he pictures with, “Whose wedding was this? Oh yeah, the one no one bothered to invite us to.” People are unbelievable.
Post # 11
I keep stareing at my save the dates knowing that as soon as I send them out I am going to start getting the questions. We are having a 15 person wedding, but could have easily gone to 150 or more people so yeah I am going to have a lot of upset people to deal with… yay! (not!)
Post # 12
I don’t put anything about the wedding on facebook because I’m so afraid of people asking for invites…
Only one so far, and entire group of people that is FI’s step-grandfathers family. Right now we are just umm…ignoring the issue.
Post # 13
@accorn: SAME! I deliberatley tried to not put anything on FB because of invite-beggers.
Then, before I went dress shopping I told my Fiance I was so nervous and afraid I would be ugly etc. So, my Fiance logged onto my FB and posted a status saying “So nervous! Trying on wedding dresses today!”
I guess my Fiance thought people would comment saying “Oh youre beautiful, you have nothing to worry about”
What actually happened? Over 10 “WHERES MY INVITE?!” from people I haven’t talked to in 5-6 years.
Yeahhhh. Weddings and FB don’t mix
Post # 14
I’m so sorry I’m dreading the same thing.I’m only having 75 ppl and have a huge family that I haven’t seen in years,my sister excitedly put on her fb how she can’t wait till march for the wedding and not even min up she got bombarded with messages!! One particularly from a cousin who has the biggest mouth ever she asked if the whole family is invited!! Fiance cousin who totally hated me when we were going out had the nerve to ask if she can be a bridesmaid!! Uhmm hell no! Then she told Future Sister-In-Law last nite that Fiance better go up north and invite the whole family personally including her!!! Some people just don’t get it.
Post # 15
Thanks guys for sharing your experiences.
I’m sorry others have had to go through this stress. It seems to be a pretty common wedding problem, whether the wedding is small or large. There are always those who feel entitled and left out.
I just wish people could put their egos aside and realize how difficult these decisions are for the couple…and to also keep in mind how insane wedding expenses can get.
I’m so glad that the majority of our guest list as truly close relatives and friends. Sure, there will be a handful of guests that just “have” to be there, but we’ll be surrounded by mostly very dear people.
Its unfortunate that feelings get hurt…but jeez, trying to accomodate everyone is just not an option.
Post # 16
If this wasn’t so stressful and we weren’t all going through it I’d actually probably think it was really funny. If it makes you guys feel better, our invite list is about 260 people and I kid you not I have about 7 friends in life. Total. As in, it was hard for me to even come up with a guest list. Apparently my mom is a lot more popular than I am. Seven! To two hundred and sixty!