(Closed) Here’s an update for you all on my relationship and a new delimma.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

How much would you be out if you booked it and then changed your mind?   A lot can happen in a year, good and bad, and you will probably know more in a few months.

What is your gut telling you?  Since you’re asking us, I’m guessing you are really unsure.

Post # 4
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m glad to hear things aren’t going nearly as bad… I had been thinking about this!

Since you have until the end of August, I’d wait until the end of August. You are talking to someone I take it? Like a preacher or a couple’s counselor? I think if he is really as amiable to change as you say, a year is enough time and I’d keep the date.

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t book anything until you completely sure that you want to marry this man.  Once you start scheduling things for the wedding, the ball just keeps rolling and it gets harder and harder to stop it.  Also, there’s no reason that you need an entire year to plan a wedding.   We planned ours in 7 months, and I’m pretty sure that if pressed, I could have gotten it planned in less than that.  So, my advice is to forget about planning the wedding for so long as you have any doubt about whether you want to marry him.

Post # 6
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Okay, I breifly read your “bored” post to get a frame of reference. Even given this update it sounds like you still arn’t 100% about marrying him.

I know he watched Harry Potter with you (which not to be rude, but I don’t see how this would make you want to stay with him) but you were so honest in your previous post about how you two are so different & distant. You don’t enjoy his company, you don’t want to have an emotional or physical relationship with him.

I understand that he is trying, but I really believe that things like racism and hatred don’t go away. He grew up with these beliefs and I just don’t think we can really change that…. 

I know you don’t want to give up on your relationship; but I really think your 1 year wedding window will pressure you into commiting yourself to someone whom you don’t really want to marry. Your post speaks volumes, in that you are worried about “loosing your spot” vs. the true focus of marriage and deciding if this is actually the man you want to spend your life with.  

Post # 7
Member
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We all have opinions that change radically, in some situations, from our youth.  I def am not of the same mind as I was when I was 25 that I am now.  When I was 25, I was completely against alot of things, but through my life experiences and being able to get out of the little bubble that was my home, I completely did a 180 on alot of subjects, and am more standfast on others.   I think that the people in our lives help to form those ideas, new life experiences mold our opinions as we get older.   I can tell you that I am still molding and changing my opinions even now into my 40’s and alot of that is due to my Darling Husband and I help to mold his. 

Post # 8
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Give it until the last moment to cancel, but definitely give this “new” relationship more time.  My ex had a lot of issues and he would always tell me that he was trying to change. He would try to a month or so and then get tired of it and back to the old way it was.  Longest stretch was 2 months.

Post # 10
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m glad you’re seeing some changes…i think my advice would have to be to still wait and see though.  If you’re a year out, you have time.  see this through for a little longer, and if it means you move your date back 6 months or even another year, isn’t that worth it if you know without a shadow of a doubt that he’s the man you want to marry?  If you keep seeing improvement in his attitude & opinions, put marriage back on the table.  If this is a blip on the radar to try and keep you but he falls back into his old ways/opinions, you’ll recognise it immediately.  

Good luck!!! I hope this all turns out for the best for you x

Post # 10
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m glad you’re seeing some changes…i think my advice would have to be to still wait and see though.  If you’re a year out, you have time.  see this through for a little longer, and if it means you move your date back 6 months or even another year, isn’t that worth it if you know without a shadow of a doubt that he’s the man you want to marry?  If you keep seeing improvement in his attitude & opinions, put marriage back on the table.  If this is a blip on the radar to try and keep you but he falls back into his old ways/opinions, you’ll recognise it immediately.  

Good luck!!! I hope this all turns out for the best for you x

Post # 12
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@SouthernGirl: I definitely believe that people can change if they want to. But I don’t believe it’s usually an easy or certain process. I would give it as much time as you need to feel certain.

Post # 13
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you really need to give this some time before you decide to marry this guy. I’m all for change and expanding your worldview, but I feel like you should likely give him some more time to sort out if he really does feel differently, or if he’s trying to be “good” considering all you guys have gone through recently.

Post # 14
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SouthernGirl: I would recommend cancelling the reservation, based on your previous posts. I think you should move forward with the mindset of whether you even want to be in a relationship with this guy, not whether you want to marry him. If you do rebuild your relationship, you will be doing so from the ground up and do not need the pressure of trying to plan a wedding.

Are you getting counseling? Is he getting counseling? Because without major work and outside help, I am doubtful as to whether he’ll be able to change so drastically as to make your relationship worth your while. I don’t mean to be a debbie downer, but I have my doubts as to whether you’d be able to work them out even with counseling, but I suppose that is beside the point. Tread carefully, and please try to honor and respect yourself in all of this. You deserve to be with someone as amazing as you.

Sidenote: what is the significance of him seeing Harry Potter? How does that indicate that he’s changed? I’m confused…

In any case, good luck! And keep us posted.

Post # 15
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SouthernGirl: Sorry, I wrote the HP comment before seeing your response to @AnnieAAA.

The topic ‘Here’s an update for you all on my relationship and a new delimma.’ is closed to new replies.

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