(Closed) Here's another tricky one for you! (Ex of 5 year dilemma) AGAIN!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
337 posts
Helper bee

@AussieSummer:  It’s not rude at all to make him wait. He left you, make him wait, make him sweat.

Post # 4
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

What do you want from the relationship? 

Post # 6
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

Sunday sounds like the right day to meet up; you listed great reasons. I’m not a fan of making people wait just to make them wait, but if that’s what you want to do, go ahead. 

It sounds like he’s trying to see if the two of you are right for each other. To keep yourself from getting your hopes up, try not to go into this with the focus being on getting back together. Instead, focus on seeing if you and he really are compatible enough to be husband and wife. 

Post # 7
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@AussieSummer:  My vote is to not meet him at all and move on. I think it’s rude of him to ask for that list when you were together for 5 years. He already knows you and now he wants you to sell him on you?

I would show up to that party looking amazing and tell him I’m sorry but I already gave you 5 years to get to know me.

Post # 8
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

On the one hand, I’m thinking that you should meet him on Sunday so that you don’t spend the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had gone through with the meeting.

On the other hand, I don’t think it bodes well that he doesn’t think you’re “the one” after 5 years. He should know you by now, and if he’s not sure now, he’s unlikely to ever be sure. If you meet him with the idea that you want him back, you might end up feeling even more hurt and disappointed.

The odds are very much against you; getting back together rarely works out, because there is a reason the break-up happened in the first place. There are obviously exceptions to this, but I wouldn’t assume that this situation is one of the exceptions.

Also, if you get back together now, would you trust him to propose to you, plan a wedding with you and actually go through with it?

Also, it’s likely that he’s been contacting you because he wants to ease his guilt, not because he actually wants to be in a relationship with you.

Post # 9
862 posts
Busy bee

Sunday for sure, I would be worried that the loving rosey glow from an engagement party might have some influence.

Post # 10
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d pick:


4. Tell him to fuck off, the waste of space, and never bother me again with his fuckwittery.


How you could trust him after the Grade A bullshit he’s given you over the last few weeks is beyond me. 

Post # 11
32 posts

I agree with some of the PPs: he had 5 years to determine if he wanted to be with you and the resounding conclusion he came to was NO. Being with you any longer isn’t going to magically make him see you in a new light. How dare he.

Post # 12
4078 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Baal:  This is exactly what I thought in my head as I read this.

OP, he is playing games.

Post # 13
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AussieSummer:  Why does he want a list? Is a list really going to show him something that 5 years couldn’t? Very strange. 

I would go on sunday not saturday. It sounds lilke you want to and i think you will always wonder if you don’t. However, I think you should be with someone who after 5 years knows they want to be with you and knows you are the one. A person shouldn’t need convincing to be with you – they should want it to start with. Do you want to spend the rest of your life constantly convinving him that you are still worth it? 

Post # 14
844 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Baal:  +1

Why extend your suffering by seeing him again? He’s shown you his true colors. Time to move on.

Post # 15
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Nothing tricky about this, he’s playing games. I would never trust him again. But you clearly want him back so do what you want. 

Post # 16
104 posts
Blushing bee

The idea that you would spend so long together without being somewhat sure that you’d consider being married, at least, is so strange to me. Will you go down this list of future husband qualities and check them off, and discover a surprise – like that you’ve always wanted to marry a fireman, but that he’s not a fireman, so I guess it’s not meant to be?

I mean, I guess the list idea is a sign he’s serious, but at the same time, it sounds so strange to me, and also maybe a little excuse-y. Will there really be any revelations with a list that you didn’t have by being together for 5 years?

He acted impulsively, it sounds like, and there are a lot of emotions involved. So he’s trying really hard to take a rational approach, rather than an emotional one. But the list idea still feels weird to me!

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