He's basically making me feel bad on my birthday

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
8266 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

norealname :  

Well l dunno OP, what an immense fuss by the pair of you over birthdays . Birthdays ffs. 

Post # 17
Member
3698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

sassy411 :  This x 1000! Bee, there are quite a few red flags here, in one post alone. I would take a step back and seriously consider why you’re with this guy. It sounds like he gets angry over the most trivial things, he’s controlling and insists you comply with his wishes or you dont see him at all, he hold grudges with other people against YOU. He sounds like a nightmare really.

Guess what, I talked to my mom on the phone for 30 mins yesterday, it wasnt any special ocassion, and know what my SO did when I hung up? Ask how my mom was and what she was up to today. THAT is how a normal person reacts to you catching up with someone you love.

Post # 18
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

He sounds like a petulant, immature child. And a controlling one at that. First, him being mad about the friend wishing you a birthday and not him is just so immature. Then he gets mad at you for talking to your friend on the phone – super controlling. And if you had no plans for your birthday, why should he care if you go out for a couple hours with your family? You saw him at midnight and you’ll see him again for dinner. Him wanting to keep you from your family is very concerning.

This is YOUR birthday, why is he trying to make it all about him? Why is he trying to control it all and keep you from celebrating with family? He is extremely immature and controlling, I would not put up with it. I feel like this sort of behavior is just going to get worse.

Post # 19
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

Just to clarify – when did your friend from England call you?  Was it just after midnight, when your boyfriend was there?  Because honestly, if I went to see someone at midnight to celebrate their birthday and then they took a phone call and I had to just sit there for half an hour, I would be pretty annoyed.  Or did they call you during daytime hours?

Post # 20
Member
3217 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Jesus Chrsit, there are just so many red flags in this one little post.

He’s acting like a petulent child because you didn’t make your birthday completely about him. That is ridiculous. That he is threatening that you have to either spend your birthday on his terms or not with him at all is the type of controlling behaviour that is often a precursor to abuse. That he is upset that you are taking time out of your day to engage with others who also play a special role in your day is another red flag for abusive behaviour.

Let’s pretend for a moment that the real reason he is upset is because knowing you had no other plans besides dinner, he had secretly planned a super special day for you with the intention of surprising you. Now he may be a little bummed out and disappointed when it turns out you decided to make other plans last minute, but if he were a reasonable and level-headed adult, he would have realized when planning a surprise that you making other plans in the meantime is a risk he was taking. If it is the case that he had put together other plans behind your back, when it came up that you were going to do something else all he had to do was go “aw shoot. I actually had __ planned and was trying to keep it a surprise” and then let you decide which thing you would rather do.

The surprise thing is the only decent reason I can think of for why he might be upset about you making other plans. But even if that is the reason, his behaviour is appalling and totally unacceptable. 

Post # 22
Member
3217 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

norealname :  Ah.. so he is just a self-absorbed brat.

I don’t know how long you’ve been together or how serious your future with him was looking, but this would probably be a dealbreaker for me. Especially if he has acted like this before.

Post # 23
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

norealname :  

Bee, you absolutely do NOT have to spend every occasion and holiday with your bf.  It’s alarming that he expects that.

Do you know anything about his previous relationships?

sboom :  You nailed it.  I really fear that the OP’s bf is a very high risk for abuse.

Post # 26
Member
3217 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

norealname :  Four years and this is behaviour that has occurred multiple times before? I’d be so done by now. He is being absolutely ridiculous, and if this type of sulky, childish behaviour hasn’t improved in four years together, it probably is never going to. You’ve gotta ask yourself if you really want to continue putting up with this. Can you see yourself being happy if this doesn’t change? 

Post # 27
Member
10567 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

norealname :  

Things are not going to change.

What is it you want your bf to realize?

Post # 28
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

Don’t “wait until things change”. You have a life.

Post # 29
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

Bee, he won’t change. Don’t waste any more time on this controlling petulant child. 

Post # 30
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

norealname :   Things may change and they most likely will – for the worse.  You deserve better! Your boyfriend is immature, controlling, selfish, insecure, and is trying to isolate you.  All of those things are signs of an abuser.  Even if he doesn’t hit you, which I hope he doesn’t, there are other ways of abusing, such as psychologically, emotionally and verbally.  

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