He's basically making me feel bad on my birthday

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
5120 posts
Bee Keeper

People call and come over at midnight to wish you a happy birthday? Seriously?

Post # 32
1517 posts
Bumble bee

YOu are both super young, and he is very immature. Here is the bottom line. You are encouraging this behavior from him. He throws a tantrum? you say, ” I understand you feel that way. This is what I want to do on my birthday, I have a mother, sister and father who also are important to me and want to celebrate with me. I am going to do X, hope you can make it to dinner. “

If he doesn’t show up fine. See he wants to spend time with you, desperately. When he says, fine then I wont come at all!! YOU CALL HIS BLUFF!! you go, ok well that would be sad, but this is how I am spending my birthday, everyone would love to see you including me, see you there. And end the conversation. He wants you to chase after him when he pulls this crap. So don’t reward this negative behavior. He will stop doing it if he doesn’t get a reaction out of you. 

When he pulls this crap you do not apologize, or spend time arguing with him, or comforting him. You say, well that is too bad, but this is what the plan is, hope you show up. PERIOD. He will wise up real fast when he realizes that his tantrum only earned him more time away from you. If you don’t stand your ground now you will be dealing with this as long as you are together. 


Post # 34
4201 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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norealname :  Your boyfriend wont just one day wake up and think “wow, norealname treats me so well and I’m a controlling manipulative ass to her. I better shape up or she may not stick around”. That’s not how this works. You have put up with him treating you like a possession for 4 years, and he will continue to do so until YOU put a stop to it. You need to set boundaries and show him that his behavior is no longer acceptable. You can do that by addressing upsetting behavior each time it occurs: “please do not speak to me like that/you do not get to determine who I speak to and for how long/if you cannot respect my decisions, I do not want you there”. You can aslo address it by dumping his ass… by telling him that he treats you like garbage, that you’re not putting up with it anymore and that you deserve better. It’s up to YOU to teach people how you are to be treated. He has learned that his treatment of you is A-OK! Show him otherwise, set boundaries and stick to them.

Post # 35
2331 posts
Buzzing bee

He has clearly been grooming you (raising the temperature on the pot of water toward boiling) for the entire 4 years for you to think this behavior is anywhere CLOSE to normal.

You should never, ever put up with this sort of behavior – from ANYONE in your life, much less your significant other!

You’re young. PLEASE do yourself a favor and dump this guy, then don’t date again until you’ve raised the bar for what behavior you will and will not accept in a mature, committed, loving adult realtionship.

This guy is immature, petulant, petty, manipulative, and controlling. He most likely WILL evolve into an abuser eventually, and you don’t want to be around for that. 

Post # 36
180 posts
Blushing bee

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norealname :  this guy is not a keeper.  Fortunately, you are young and can date someone for whom everything does not need to be a struggle/fight.

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