Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Hello hive. I’m obviously using an anonymous ID. I’ve been engaged for about a year and our wedding date is about a year and half away…and suddenly my fiance is being REALLY weird and I think he’s avoiding me. Let me give you some back story. This is long.
We’ve been together for a number of years. Earlier in our relationship he started being weird. Started dissapearing until 6 am, telling me he was with work people. When I asked if I could tag along on occassion he would find excuses to not let me go. He would ignore my calls and texts – including one time we were supposed to see eachother so I drove to his house. He was home, but wouldn’t answer his phone so I just had to go home. Turns out later he had been lying to me and while he will never admit it, I’m 150% positive he cheated on me at least once. We broke up but about a month later he got a hold of me to apologize and was crying about how he didn’t think he knew what he wanted but now he knows and he’s made a big mistake, blah blah blah. I’ve never taken anyone back before but I took him back – knowing that if things went sour again, I had no one to blame but myself. We get back together, everything is awesome. He asks me to move in, we get engaged and now we’re planning our wedding.
So now lets go back two weeks. He likes to take phots and randomly 2 Saturdays ago at about 10 pm he gets up from his computer and decides he’s going to go downtown to take photos. This isn’t necessarily unusual but it’s unusual so late at night, in the middle of winter. I offer to go with but he says I’ll just be cold and bored so I stay home. He finally comes back at 5 am but as far as I can tell he doesn’t have any pictures. I called him at about 2 am just to see what he was up to and he says he’s at this coffee shop. I happened to be working on balancing our accounts and I see a purchase from that coffee shop…1 1/2 hours earlier.
Then for practically every day the last 2 weeks he keeps going out and being gone until 5 am…even 7 am one night. He says he’s going out to a sports bar with coworkers and then going to this pool hall that’s open 24 hours. Who the hell plays pool for 5 hours a night…5 days a week. I’ve tried to see if I could come hang out a couple times because we aren’t seeing any of eachother and he tells me I’d be bored. This is what he would tell me 3 years ago when he was running around behind my back.
Then lastnight we get into this giant fight about money. We’ve recently combined our finances and we agreed I would be in charge because I’m better at that than he is. He suddenly freaks out for no reason with no warning and is all concerned that he doesn’t know what’s happening to his money and he doesn’t understand and why couldn’t we just keep doing what we were doing before. Thing is, we decided to do this because I make twice as much money as he does and we figured this way it would be fair so we could both have spending money while all the bills got paid.
Additionally, I’m the only one who has been contributing any money to our wedding savings. We determined what we were going to save and how much total that would be and planned our budget around that. His contribution is supposed to be a mere $50 a month, and he hasn’t done his part. All the money saved so far is mine. Ultimately I’ll be contributing $8,000 to $9,000 to the wedding while he will be contributing about $2,000. (which is fine, I make more money) We need to put the deposit on our venue and I asked if we could use $200 from his tax return (my whole return is going to the wedding) and he was all weird about it saying he was going to use that money to pay other things off.
I feel like he’s avoiding me and finding ways to not invest financially in the wedding (other then our rings) so that he can perhaps make a clean break. I wouldn’t be so worried about if didn’t have hte past we did. I try to talk to him about it but again, he’s never here and he just gets frustrated and shuts down. I’m I being paranoid?
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
I dont have advice really, but I would say your gut feeling is right. Go with it and uncover what is going on.
Post # 4
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
@anonhoneybee: I’m sorry, but it really, really, realily sounds like he’s cheating on you. And even if he isn’t, this is truly bizarre behavior that is a problem in and of itself. I don’t think this guy is ready for marriage. I hope you find out the truth soon before you invest more time and money in this relationship. Please keep us updated. I hope things work out for you. 🙁
Post # 5
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I’m sorry to say I have no good news for you at all. At best he’s not committed to the relationship and wants to spend time away from you. But realistically, sorry to say, he’s cheating.
I guess you could stake out the pool hall to be 100% sure he’s lying. But really I think you need to move out ASAP.
Post # 6
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
@paula1248: +1
Yeah I would totally go and find out if he is really at this pool hall. If not, I would confront him.
Post # 7
Member
4925 posts
Honey bee
I’m sorry, but this guy is clearly hiding something. It doesn’t matter what it is, if he can’t be honest with you, do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this? Playing detective?
Post # 8
Hostess
3368 posts
Sugar bee
I’m not going to tell you what you already think you know, but you do need to find out what is going on. You deserve to know why he is acting that way, and what his true feelings about your relationship are.
You don’t want to be legally bound to someone who is unfaithful to you or cannot be honest about his feelings. It’s better you figure things out now and get the heck away from him and with someone that actually treats you how you deserve.
Massive hugs coming your way honey <3
Post # 9
Member
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
Whatever he’s doing he’s up to no good. Even if you didn’t have this history it would be weird, but since you do it’s even weirder. you are definitely not over reacting at all, something shady is going on.
Post # 10
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’m sorry your Fiance is being so shady! I think I would start snooping, in your position. Maybe he really is at a pool hall!
But assuming he’s doing something shady, I think you might want to be prepared to walk for REAL this time. It’s a pattern of behavior, and it’s not ever going to stop.
Post # 11
Member
3424 posts
Sugar bee
@HappySky7: +1 spot on!
@anonhoneybee: One second wasted on worry over this guy is one second too much! Trust your gut it’s telling you something otherwise you wouldn’t have started this thread. Please trust me on this one, I’ve been married before to a cheater (while I was 9 mos preggo) dirtbag!
What I’ve learned is that I deserved a hell of a lot more than my ex had to offer! I couldnt be happier now! I am about to marry a man that Respects and loves me.
Post # 12
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
@anonhoneybee: Something is fishy… I wouldn’t be so much concerned about the financials… staying out all night, multiple nights a week? Uh-uh.
At minimum I would hold off on wedding plans. Dude needs to come clean. Even if he’s not actually cheating, something is up and he owes you an honest explanation.
Post # 13
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
I thought about driving out to where he says he’s been but I didn’t want to be crazy stalker girl. However, if that’s what it takes to know for sure that he’s lying- then that’s what it takes. As far as I know he isn’t planning on being out tonight, but if he his – I’ll drive over to be sure (it’s like 3 miles from our house that we rent). I can say for certain that if I go an he’s not there – that’s it for me. I’m going to just have a conversation with him too. We’re adults and hopeullyh he can do that much.
Post # 14
Member
1846 posts
Buzzing bee
Why are you letting him TELL you “you would be bored”? Why not just say, “no I won’t! Let’s go!” . Problem solved.
Post # 15
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
Ummmm, since you make more money and you both have access to your bank account, I would separate that he is being way to sneaky…
Post # 16
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
You are a great person, he is an idiot for treating you this way. Ditch the loser and find somebody better worth your time.
Member