Post # 17
@anon4: I’m an extrovert with an introvert, but he’s fairly talkative. He just doesn’t like small talk as you say. He’s very into politics and science and at least we have a bit of that in common. Because we share some interests (certainly not all!), we enjoy our time together. He makes an effort to be social with my hugely extroverted friends and I respect his differences and give him plenty of down time limit what I ask of him.
To be honest, it was a hard adjustment. A lot of time was spent on my part questioning whether our differences were too much and whether we should stay together. He never questioned it. Over time (before we were married) I finally decided he was worth it and haven’t looked back. He is wonderful in so many ways and he did change his behavior a bit for me (being patient with my friends’ energy, getting better at silly banter, and even appearing to enjoy time with my friends as long as I gave him plenty of space). Do I still get frustrated sometimes? Sure, but I don’t make him feel bad about it and I recover quickly. It’s my issue too, not just his. Since getting married I am even more committed to finding that balance. And given that I am more of a homebody than ever before (pregnant), it’s even less of an issue.
Sex and affection are a big deal to both of us and so without it, I really think our differences would loom larger. I really hope you can get to the bottom of that bc perhaps it could let you guys connect more. I’m really sorry you’re going through a hard time!
Post # 18
@anon4: I don’t have great advice, but wanted to post to say I feel your pain. I’ve been through similar issues with nearly every extrovert in my life – friends, family, love interests.. and every “helpful” advice I got over the years involved me “just loosening up”. Sigh.
Anyway, an idea. If you have any hobbies in common, particularly physical activities, or projects you can work on together DOING stuff and not just talking, that’s good. I’ve also trained myself to make small talk even if I don’t like it, as long as I get some quiet time later. See if you can work out a compromise between the quiet you want and the “fun” talk he desires.
As a side note, I’ve lost count of how many guys I’ve heard complaining about how much we women talk. “She wants to talk all the time”, “she doesn’t shut up”, “I wish we could just BE”, etc. You would think they would be happy with a quiet woman. I guess not. Sigh.
Post # 19
@sept22insf: You should write a guide! I wish I could read him that. Thank you, I hope we can get to that point too.
@Beejeweled: OMG the “women talk too much” thing! I have been saying that since high school! We’re always too much of something. Thanks for the ideas, physical activity might be very good.
Post # 20
I think the most important thing is honest communication but I just remembered my SIL mentioned she is reading a book called the introvert’s way, and it made me think of this thread. Maybe some kind of “self help” books like that would be good for you to read. I’m not trying to say you’re at fault, but just that there might be some books or something to help you that don’t just say to start being more talkative, which I’m sure you’ve heard before.