Post # 1
A few days ago I was posting about not knowing what style and colours to select for our wedding….today I am posting about him wanting to call everything off…how does this happen??
He seemed a little off last night but when I asked him what was wrong he said nothing, he was just tired. This morning we were texting when a message popped up from him saying “we have quite abit together, I feel terrible that I may have to end things”. He followed that with more messages, telling me to ignore what I had just seen. He was texting a friend regarding our relationship and hadnt switched chats resulting in me getting the message.
I called and asked him to explain. He said that he hasnt felt satisfied with our relationship for the past few weeks and isnt sure that he wants to be together any more. Our venue is booked…my dress is purchased…our photographer is booked. Last week he was going to look at wedding bands and talking about the house we could buy, this week he is calling it off. He said that he was trying to push through his feelings last week but cant do that anymore and they arent going away. I have tried everything I can and given my all to this relationship: supporting him financially while he went through school, supporting him emotionally while he went through rough times. I was glad to do it since we were partners.
I am heartbroken. I dont know what to do or what to tell people. He says he still may want to get married or be together, he just doesnt know and wants some space. We live together and he cannot afford to live on his own. He has suggested that we continue to cohabitate and live seperate lives in the mean time. He has given me zero indication of any of these feelings, at all, until today. I am blindsided and emotionally devastated. I have been 110% sure about us from the beginning. I cant see my life without him.
Post # 3
@Miss.Meow: It sounds like to me, anyway, that that message was meant for a “fling” rather than him telling his friend what he was going to tell you.
But even if it wasn’t…it sounds like you both need to have a deep conversation IN PERSON. I would still postpone the wedding even if you are considering working on things..hopefully the vendors would understand.
Marriage is a big commitment and you wouldn’t want to jump into it just because you’re so far along with planning.
Post # 4
I am very sorry this is happening to you! I am sure you are totally shocked plus 1,000 other emotions and you have every right to be. ((hugs))
I read this statement
He says he still may want to get married or be together, he just doesnt know and wants some space.
And all I could think was listen to what he is telling you. He is telling you/showing you what he wants and you should believe that. Yes, the behaviors in the past couple weeks make it confusing but listen to what he is saying right now. “May want to get married” is not a concrete yes and you deserve no less than 100% screaming off the mountain tops “I WANT TO MARRY THIS WOMAN!”
Post # 5
I am trying really hard to fight the urge to same some pretty nasty things about him right now, also the fact that he is just now being stand-offish is alittle suspicious to me….
Giving him some space is going to be kinda hard when he is still living there. Can’t he get a hotel room? Also I do not see how space can be productive here…..this is something that needs to be talked through and worked on, like a break from non-planning things to spend together.
Post # 6
@BellaDee: I had that exact same thought as well. It just struck me as a message that would go to another woman, not a male friend. Something seems fishy about this, I just can’t pinpoint it.
Post # 7
You’ve still got tons of time. Put the wedding planning on hold and work on your relationship. It sounds like you guys have been together for quite a while and love each other. Maybe all this planning is getting to be too much for him.
Fi and I had a couple of HUGE fights when the planning first got full swing. We realized that the wedding was overshadowing our relationship so we took a couple of steps back.
If things don’t get better, don’t go on with the wedding just because you’ve invested money/time/whatever into it.
Post # 8
@BellaDee: I couldnt agree more with this…
I had issues with my ex who said he “didnt know if he wanted to be with me or not..” and “wasnt sure if he loved me or not” and sure enough… we broke up…
Post # 9
Oh, I am so, so sorry. This is heartbreaking.
You may not want to hear this right now, but the BEST thing you can do is try to separate your lives. Do not let him continue to live with you while you’re not together.
In my experience (my own, and friends’ experiences), when a guy says he may still want to get together later or whatever, it just never happens. He is breaking up with you, and the longer this drags on with him living with you or being in contact with you, the more painful it ultimately will be. I am really sorry.
Post # 10
So he wants you to continue to financially support him while he screws around and decides whether or not he really wants to be with you? Sorry, but no. Kick him out. Let him see just how hard life would really be without you. Being single isn’t just not having responsibilities and getting to stay out late and flirt and etc. It’s living life on your own, figuring things out for yourself, trying to get your bills paid, not having that pillar of support. If he wants to be single make him do it all.
Post # 13
“We live together and he cannot afford to live on his own. He has suggested that we continue to cohabitate and live seperate lives in the mean time.”
I sympathise with the guy, he’s being honest with you, and it may be late in the game, but at least it’s not after the wedding. I fully support someone with ambivalent feelings “having some space” and “taking some time” HOWEVER… he does not get to take that time in the spare bedroom (assuming you even have one??) of your home.
If he wants some space, and he can’t afford to live on his own, then his ass needs to move to a friends couch, or his parent’s basement for a few weeks. It shouldnt take much longer than that to figure out whether he wants to get married or not, and if not, it’s time for him to figure out how to support himself.
A couple cannot take a break ans still live in the same place. How are you going to feel if he doesn’t come home one night?
Post # 14
@Miss.Meow: We live together and he cannot afford to live on his own. He has suggested that we continue to cohabitate and live seperate lives in the mean time.
Please don’t let him do that to you. If he is breaking up, then he needs to leave, living with an ex would be heartbreaking. Plus, he kind of sounds like he needs a solid kich in the behind.
Good luck! If you have until October 2013, you still have plenty of time to work things out 🙂
Post # 15
Oh hun I’m sorry you’re going through this but I agree with @BellaDee. It sounds like the message was intended for someone else that he was trying to end things with. I’m also not too sure how the cohabitating would work for you. You have lots of emotions running through your head where the two need to take time and clear y’alls heads and I’m not so sure living in the same space will help y’all figure anything out.