Post # 1
Hi everyone, longtime lurker first time poster here! So I’ve got a bit of a potential problem on my hands. My bf and I have been together for a few months now and he’s already talking about buying a ring (I’m so excited!!). He told me yesterday that his aunt said he could have her engagement ring from her previous marriage if he wants it to give to me. She said it would need to be re-set and I know that I could make it into pretty much anything I want, but it’s a heart shaped diamond which I’m not super crazy about. There’s really only so much that you can do with that shape stone. I’ve always wanted a round with a cushion halo or a round solitaire with pave band. I really, really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but I’ve had my heart set on those two types of rings for awhile now. He won’t be seriously looking to buy anything for awhile, but I want to be prepared when we do have to discuss this again. Part of me feels that it shouldn’t matter what type of ring he gives me because the meaning behind it is more important but on the other hand I feel like I should be honest with him. What would you bees do in this situation?
Post # 2
Talk to him! You have every right to request a ring that you’ll love. Tell him that while it’s very kind of his aunt to offer her ring, but heart shaped diamonds just aren’t for you and you’ve had your heart set on a different style for a long time. If he takes serious offense at that, I’d be surprised. You can always offer to chip in for the cost of the type of diamond you do want if he can’t afford it, and tell his aunt that while you’re very grateful, it’s just not your style. If she really insists, just wear it as a right hand ring whenever you’re going to see her.
Post # 3
Learn to love the heart! Or atleast try. Start researching styles. A free diamond is such a huuuuuge significant savings. Think of all the other places you could spend that. Round Brilliant with cushion halo, Round Brilliant on pave band are the standard trend of the 2010s. Not that they arent pretty- but you could have something unusual!
If you really cant warm up to it, tell him to politely turn it down. I dont think its right to trade an heirloom stone in. Someone else might love it.
Post # 4
MrsBuesleBee: I do love that! I think I’m also worried that down the road it will look too “young”. I do think I could warm up to it though. I haven’t actually seen the ring anyway so I could love it in person 🙂
Post # 5
I can understand, I am not fond of heart shaped diamonds. I think its best that you have a talk with your SO so he understands your taste and wishes. Better have the discussion sooner than later before he makes any plans.
Post # 6
Sit down and talk with your SO about it. If you guys are gonna get married, talking about a ring should be easy peasy.
Post # 7
futuremrsl8: I think you should break it to him gently that while it’s a beautiful ring and you think his aunt’s offer is incredibly sweet, it’s just not your personal style. I agree with you that it might look too “young” down the road.
The good news is that if you have only been with your Boyfriend or Best Friend for a few months, you have a long time to discuss which rings you like/make a Pinterest board if you want/wait for him to save up. It doesn’t sound like you are in any rush, so I wouldn’t worry too much about this right now if I were you.
Post # 8
I would talk to him about how you are feeling! It you really have your heart set on a round solitaire or cushion, you should discuss that with him! However, I do think it would be special to have a diamond passed down from family. I can totally agree with you on heart shaped diamonds, though. They aren’t my favorite, but maybe if you have it reset with a halo (like the photo above), you’ll find that you love it?
Post # 9
I’ve never been a fan of heart-shaped stones, but lately, I’ve really grown to love them! Especially if they are solitaires. If you really don’t think you’d like it, just be honest! I’m sure his aunt would rather keep it/give it to someone else who will love it rather than give it to you when you aren’t keen on the shape. 🙂 Good luck!
Post # 10
And the e-ring is rarely the only marital bling you’ll get so using an heirloom as your 1st ring and getting another to stack alongside or in lieu of would work for me.
Post # 11
futuremrsl8: down the road if it felt too young you could get an anniversary ring 🙂 . It doesn’t have to be your last ring ever. I personally love heart diamonds and covet a RHR with one. They’re dreamy.
Post # 12
I’m sure you’d learn to love the heart! And personally I think that they’re quite pretty and endearing 🙂 my cousin actually has a heartshaped ering and she’s about 35 and I don’t think it looks to young or anything (not calling 35 old but when you say it might look to young, how I took it was as in teenage-ish)
Post # 13
futuremrsl8: Talk to him.
A couple things (to echo PP):
1. It is probably cheaper to use an inherited stone and re-set it. You should know what your FI’s budget is when making this decision.
2. Don’t accept a heritage stone and then re-cut it (or trade it in). If that’s the case, then politely decline it and let it stay in the family.
3. Do consider that an engagement ring is really the FIRST piece of jewelry…not your last. So yes, you really shouldn’t hate it, but you know, in life, our tastes change a lot and there are plenty of occasions to celebrate with different pieces. My mother wears several diamond rings–she didn’t even have an e-ring, but she got a ring from my grandmother when I was born (five emerald-cut diamonds in a row, very 50s), a ring from my father when my siblings were born (a big oval solitaire), and an eternity band when she retired, also from my father. She’s also, over the years, bought herself beautiful rings (ruby, pearl) for herself to commemorate her own accomplishments. Now, there are some women who only ever want their e-ring and wedding ring nad that’s it. Maybe you’re one of those women. But I do think that it’s helpful to know that this doesn’t ahve to be the most significant piece you ever receive.
Post # 14
I know nothing about jewelry design, but could you get a halo around the heart that rounded it out? Then you’d only be able to see the heart when you looked closely.
Post # 15
If you’ve only been together a few months, it seems premature to be worrying about whether you’d like his aunt’s diamond! As far as feeling limited by the prospect of a heart shaped stone… check out how much variety is possible by changing the setting, I suspect you might be surprised http://www.brilliantearth.com/heart-engagement-rings/ If things really are serious enough to warrant it, the next time he brings it up you could mention lightheartedly how you’ve always pictured a different type of ring. But also keep in mind how much having to buy a new diamond would affect his budgeting timeline, etc.