Post # 1
I know most of you are waiting on a ring ..I’m actually still waiting on the ‘official’ talk!
I posted recently about how my SO and I haven’t had the official marriage talk but that he keeps dropping hints.
Advice on bringing up marriage.
Well … last night, he randomly brought up a couple different places in town that he thinks would be great for a ceremony and told me a little about each one. He then started discussing ‘neat’ repception ideas.
GAH! As much as it excited me ..it drives me crazy at the same time! Waiting on the ‘official’ talk and all. I’ve had people tell me I should let him bring it up and that he will when he’s ready ..that I should bring it up and not put all the pressure on him ..that it’s too soon (we’ve been together for 15 months) ..etc.
I know I’m the only one that knows the real answer to that and that I’m the only one that knows my relationship. And with all the hints he has been dropping, I’m learning towards bringing it up in the very near future.
Has anyone else been in the same place at some point? Any advice? WISH ME LUCK!
Post # 3
I would bring it up. If it is something that is important to you, there is no use in hiding your feelings. There is a difference between pressuring (e.g., “We have to get engaged now, or I’m gone”) and talking about what you’re thinking (e.g., “Ideally I’d like to be married in about three years. What do you think”). Good luck! I’m sure a conversation about this would go smoothly.
Post # 4
Ah, I’m so glad someone else is in this boat! My SO and I are having the talk over the next week or so. I think @elle_z is totally right – there’s a difference between pressure and honesty. It’s perfectly reasonable – and important – to talk about your – and his – needs and expectations.
Good luck! Let us know how you get on
Post # 5
@Bulba: Does he know this talk is coming? Are you the one bringing it up?
Good luck to you as well! 🙂
Post # 6
bring it up if you want! You’re an equal partner in the relationship – there is NO reason why you have to wait for him to bring it up – he already kind of has anyways..
Post # 7
Im in the same spot. SO and I already have discussed moving in together next year…but no real “lets get married in xyz time” talk. He brought up 2 very small convos recently- once saying he wants a small beach wedding (which is EXACTLY) what I want, and another time joking that we should elope.
I have NO CLUE how to bring up the talk…do you have ideas on what you want to say??
Post # 8
@mrssoontobeh: Well ..he told me recently he sees our relationship as a lasting one and is excited about where it’s going and that he’s extremely happy. So I’m thinking I’ll go off of that …
“So you mentioned seeing our relationship as a lasting one and that you can see it going somewhere …well, we haven’t really talked about anything beyond that. Do you see yourself marrying me?”
Maybe something along those lines.
If you and your SO are moving in together in the near future, I think it’s perfectly okay for you to bring up marriage. Moving in together is building your lives around one another …which is a huge commitment. GOOD LUCK!
Post # 9
Thanks! It’s a combination of us both bringing it up – there’s a possible LD move in our future, he has asked me to come with him. A few weeks ago he let slip that he’d been thinking about proposing. For a variety of reasons I want to talk about a few things before we take that step, so I asked if we could talk about things, and he has suggested this week (he’s away till tomorrow).
TBH I hadn’t really thought about a proposal as something to expect in the next year to eighteen months until he said he was thinking about it. So I think it’s pretty important we talk. But the more I think about it the more excited I get!
Post # 10
I was here 2 months ago lol I brought up the topic of marriage to my boyfriend of 3 years for the first time. I’m 23 and he’s 25. A few of our friends were getting engaged and married or talking about these things and he started making jokes that got the ball rolling in my head lol That’s when I joined this site.
I thought about the whole idea of talking to him for maybe a week and then I couldn’t hold it anymore lol I combined a bunch of the advice I got from other bees here, and put it all together and presented it to him at the end of a hang-out night.
I just said that we’ve been joking about a certain topic for a little while now, but we’ve never actually talked about it seriously. Then I just plain out asked if he could see us getting married in the future. A couple of weeks prior to this I also asked him where he sees himself in 5 years. That conversation excluded me completely. In this conversation I made sure that we discussed “us” and “our” plans, not just our own plans as individuals.
We set a timeline that we both agreed on. It’s not very specific (he said he could see himself proposing in a year or 2). But it sounds like your SO is much more serious about the topic now. I think what he’s been doing in his head counts as extreme hinting lol Though to you it just seems subtle. I think he would be relieved if you brought it up first, and that’s probably what he’s waiting for, since you said he is very shy. (My SO is too. It took him 3 weeks of us hanging out every single night to kiss me, and a couple of more weeks to make it “official.”)
Good luck and let us know how it turns out =]
(It’s not as scary as you think! lol I mean I was terrified when I did it, but the outcome was a lot better and way more positive than I expected lol)
Post # 11
@Kat_Kit2000: Aw thanks! That was very encouraging and helpful! And I’m glad I’m not the only one with a shy, reserved SO. 🙂
Congrats on having the courage to bring it up! I’ll keep ya updated!