(Closed) ‘He’s feeling pressured’… Did he propose in the end?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Did he propose after saying he felt pressured

    No I walked

    I walked and he proposed

    I gave him time and he proposed

  • Post # 2
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    A former partner not only felt pressured about marriage but about the relationship in general. About living together, about meeting his parents, about introducing me to his friends. Heck, after 5 years HIS (teenage) kids gently suggested it might be time to marry me. He didn’t. I walked.

    Within a few months I met a man who was not scared off when I told him after two weeks that I would only be interested in dating him if he was generally interested in getting married. I was introduced to family in friends within a few weeks.

    We’ve been dating for three years and will get married this year. Walking away from that previous relationship was the best thing I ever did.

    And as a bonus my ex’s now grown-up daughters are now some of my dearest friends and are, of course, attending the wedding. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    382 posts
    Helper bee

    My BF (Now FI) told me after about 10 mos of dating that he would propose within the next year. The reason being he had some things he wanted to get in order prior to becoming engaged and starting to plan our wedding.

    About 6 mos after that convo, my grandma was dying, my BF and I were in a long distance relationship, and I really wanted him to do it sooner. I brought it up all the time and wanted him to just do it fast so that we could be engaged, close the distance, and start to plan our lives together. He was frustrated and told me he was feeling pressured (about the timeline) and that he wanted me to trust him to keep his promise about when we would be engaged. He said to feel ready there were a couple things he needed to get off his plate at work and he was trying to sell a house and refinance student loans to better his and ultimately our fiancial situation. 

    In the end he kept his promise 100% and proposed to me a little more than a month before the year was up. He had purchased the ring that we picked out together about 3 months before the actual proposal. One thing I learned from the whole experience is that my Fiance is very organized and likes to have a process. Looking back on it I wish I had just chilled out a little bit, although it was very hard to do that in the moment with all that was happening in our lives. Had he not kept his promise, I would certainly have walked- breaking promises is a deal breaker for me, which he knows. 

    However, my case was a lot different than the stories on here where they guy is feeling “pressured” because my Fiance never, ever threatened to not propose if I kept asking him or gave me BS excuses about not being able to afford a ring or whatever. He and I agreed unequivacolly that we wanted to get married and he was able to suggest a workable timeline and share his reasoning for why that timeline made sense. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Hasn’t happened to me personally but every one of my friends who has had a boyfriend that “felt preassured” has either walked or hung on and eventually the guy left them for someone else. Many of the times they all of a sudden were ready with someone else. My FH with his ex always said he was never getting married and he didn’t want the preassure. Then as soon as he found the right one boom he was ready.  I’m feeling preassured is often (not always) a cop out for I’m comfortable with this relationship but I’ll leave when I find the person I’d like to be with. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee

    We dated for 2 1/2 years, are older (both 37), I have 3 kids from a prevoius marriage, and we both knew we wanted to marry each other, bought a brand new home together, and he wants kids of his own yet…..so the pressure was on since he wanted to be married before babies!! But he felt pressured and didn’t like that at all. I told him tough. It’s marry me or we can be done. He went and bought the ring, and happily ever after over here. I would have walked though, I believe that we were together long enough, both knew what we wanted and it was time. I deserve a man who is excited to call me his wife and wants to marry me for the rest of his life. That’s not at all how some people think, which is fine, just my own feelings on the subject!!! 🙂 

    Post # 6
    Member
    9758 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    The guy I dated who felt pressured was a dick and a cheat. We broke up. 

    You only feel pressured when you’re having to do things you don’t want. No one says “Oh I just feel so pressured into winning this hundred million dollars and taking a fabulous vacation. I just need more time!”

    Post # 7
    Member
    644 posts
    Busy bee

    The guy I dated and found myself in this position with was emotionally immature. After a year and a half of us dating and 17 years of knowing each other well, I told him he needed to decide whether he would man up or not (and this was about moving in, not marriage). He left. I don’t regret the ultimatum. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 1984

    View original reply
    SVandy60918 :  This is so true! It happened to two of my friends. They both devoted years to their guys and relationships, waiting for them to be ready. Both relationships ended and both (yes, both) guys were married to other women within the year. It was so incredibly hurtful to my friends. Sadly, one had passed the window of having kids (which was something that was very important to her.)

    I admire my DIL so much for setting my son straight. He wanted to buy a house with her and she put her foot down – no ring, no commitment, no house. They met in university and, at that point, had been together for seven years and were in their late twenties – certainly long enough for him to know his mind.

    Post # 9
    Member
    107 posts
    Blushing bee

    Will let you all know in six months, lol. Had a talk with the BF 3 weeks ago, he told me he will propose in 6 months. We will see.  I am ready to walk if he delays again.

    Post # 10
    Member
    635 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    Mrs.Bill :  That’s so hearbreaking about your friend. I thought I couldn’t have children for years because of complications from an emergency apendectemy and it was just soo painful. Luckily the scar tissue cleared and I am able to. I was compelled to donate eggs once I regained my fertility status so that other women wouldn’t have to go through that. 

    Good on your DIL I feel the same way.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2125 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    slomotion :  THIS

    Men only feel pressured when they don’t want to do something. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1364 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    Yes, he said he felt pressured, but he proposed within the agreed upon timeframe (barely) and we have been happy ever since. He’s glad he proposed and wouldn’t change a thing.

    Post # 13
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    View original reply
    whoisit :  I feel like men with delay things that they don’t want to do whether that is because of financial reasons, or emotionally not feeling ready or plain he just doesn’t know what he wants. Either way a serious conversation needs to happen as to which one of these reasons is the reason why and go from there. In my experience if a man wants something he will go to every length to have it regardless of the time frame. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    188 posts
    Blushing bee

    I felt like I was pressuring my boyfriend by talking about it. I told him if he ever got tired of me talking about rings to let me know And I promise it wouldn’t bother me. But he said he loved that I talked about it all the time because it let him know that I loved him that much that I wanted to spend forever with him then he told me that before our first anniversary we would be engaged 😌

    Post # 15
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee

    In my experience, it’s a rare exception for a man to say he feels pressure and then end up marrying that woman. That’s not to say that men who end up proposing are always ready when the subject is first brought up, but a man who doesn’t want to lose you will be honest about why he’s not ready yet. 

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