(Closed) He’s freaking out over a bracelet.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I can actually see his point. How would feel if he had something from an ex that he didn’t want to get rid of, even though there “are no memories behind it and it means nothing”?

Post # 5
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

My SO is an avid superman comic fan. While in Mexico building houses for deserving families, one of the local children thanked him with a superman cracker jack ring; I believe it might have been plated with sterling silver. He loved that ring and what it meant, and wore it all the time. His ex girlfriend had it molded and re-set in 14k gold, so he began to wear that one instead. When we began dating seriously, he went ahead and boxed it up. I never pushed the issue, but there is definitely something sentimental and meaningful about jewelry. The only ring I want my SO to wear is one that honors our union. I would have started to feel uncomfortable if he kept wearing the ring from his ex.

If there aren’t any memories behind your bracelet and it doesn’t mean anything to you at this point, I would honestly let it go and allow your Fiance to replace it, if he so chooses. Even though you claim that you don’t have any sentimental attachment to it, your refusal to take it off may say otherwise to your Fiance (not saying that I don’t believe you!). Yes, I totally understand that it seems like a waste of money for him to buy you a new one, but if it bothers him, you should try to honor his wishes. Maybe not go so far as to trade it in, but perhaps keep it in your jewelry box and only wear it on a rare occasion. You could always set the bracelet aside but insist that he put the money he would spend on a new one towards something more practical for the two of you.

Post # 6
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

It would really bother me that he would rather waste the money than accept my assertion that it had no sentimental meaning for me. 

You said that he was told in counselling that he is too insecure – are you two still attending counselling?  If so, this would be something to bring up in session, for sure.  Work through the feelings both of you are having about it.

If not, then if I were you, I’d stand my ground.  However, I hate hate hate insecurity/jealousy – it drove my parents’ marriage into the ground, and I will not stand for it in my relationship, so I’m sometimes a bit extreme about it.

If you don’t care either way, then it may be easier to give in and just buy another one, or just get rid of this one and use the money you get trading it in for something else?

   Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I can see his point as well, and like a PP said, your refusal to let him replace it probably only confirms his fears/feelings of any sentimentality.

Post # 8
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would probably put the bracelet away and not have him spend money on another.  I agree with @noritake22 that I can see his point too.  I wouldn’t want Fiance walking around with something on from his ex even if it “had no meaning”.  Honestly it would bother me.

Post # 9
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think that there are bigger trust issues if you’re butting heads over a bracelet. I think perhaps insisting on wearing it everyday is a little bit much, but getting angry over wearing a piece of jewelry that happend to come from an ex once in a while is an overreaction. I would move the focus to his insecurity issues–the bracelet sounds like a symptom, not the problem.

Post # 10
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t understand his logic on wanting you to trade it in.

If they give you $125 credit, and he pays the difference, you could basically argue that your ex-boyfriend paid for half of your new one.

Post # 11
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

If that bracelet truly means nothing to you, then box it up and put it away.   Or give it to your mom and ask her to hold it.  I wouldn’t say a word about doing it.  If he notices you’re not wearing it, and offers to buy you a new one, you can either sweetly accept the new bracelet or just say there aer other things that you can spend the money on.  

 

Post # 14
Member
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can see where your Fiance is coming from. Jewelry from an ex is a touchy subject and the fact that you do wear it (even if its just for special occasions) is probably hard for him. Whether or not it has meaning to you, its still a reminder of the person it came from, in this case your ex. I agree with the PP’s, if its something that you refuse to trade in, then you really should put it away and not wear it again.

I have a friend who refused to get rid of a pair of sweatpants that were from her ex’s college. Her ex didn’t even give them to her, she bought them from the campus store but they said the college name on them. Well, these sweatpants caused fights between her and her now husband so I can totally see how a piece of diamond jewelry would too.

Post # 15
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Jewelery can be very emotionally loaded.  I can see why he’s upset.  I agree, if you are not hanging on to it for emotional reasons,  why box it up & put it away just to make him feel better?

Post # 16
Member
9079 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Jewelery can be very emotionally loaded.  I can see why he’s upset.  I agree, if you are not hanging on to it for emotional reasons,  why box it up & put it away just to make him feel better?

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