- 4 years ago
No way I could stay with him. Sorry. but I can do bad all by myself . . .
No way I could stay with him. Sorry. but I can do bad all by myself . . .
When you marry someone, you marry them for all of the things you love about them, but also their flaws (of course, there are exceptions). Addictions are something that can be worked on. There are plenty of people who are recovering alcoholics, recovering gambling addicts. It’s a process, it’s hard and it likely requires plenty of external help, but it’s doable, and having a supporting partner during that time can make all the difference.
That being said – he has to be willing to work on it. HE has to be the one that decides if he wants to fix the problem or not. In order to do that, sometimes we need a loved one to say, “hey, I’m worried about you and I want to do everything I can to help.”
I’ve had many years of experience with this and currently dealing with my husbands relapse to gaming. The first thing you should know is that this is a real addiction and relapses can and most likely will occur (particularly to gaming) so you have to ask yourself if you are willing to work with him through this or if this is your end point.
ehatever you do right now don’t use an ultimatum. He knows what he’s doing isn’t right and deep down he doesn’t like it but if you attack him basic human responses is to become defensive and then you won’t get him he help he needs. As much anger and resentment you have towards him now for his gaming you have to come forward in a gentile but honest front because you are likely backing away from him to defend yourself from his hurtful behavior. With gaming he is likely running away from something he feels he has no control in real life and using it as an accomplishment because he has full control over his gaming (achievements not our standard definition of control it’s quite clear he doesn’t have control). One day sit down and comment on how you’ve noticed he’s playing more and ask him why he has increased his playing if he feels okay, if he feels lack of control on something in his life. Tell him you want to help him because you feel that in his gaming he has made you feel like you can’t help him or whatever feelings you may have (for me it was: not good enough for a relationship because he chose gaming, ignoring our children, etc). If he opens up seriously accept and help him overcome his concerns, this might mean that you may not have the tools to help him but you want to help him find someone who can (aka counseling) but you will go with him so that you can help him if he wants to. If he fights back then you have some serious honking to do in regards to the relationship, but hopefully coming from a concerned loving and supportive manner he can realize his addiction feel support rather than being attacked and get the help he needs. Good luck.
This is the same person who was kicked out of her room overnight and slept with her two kids while he had a game party in the master?
1. he lost his job to gaming
2. he puts his family at risk for gaming
3. now he is back to gaming.
Don’t know what answer you are looking for but he is 3 strikes you’re out. Do you have other options for you are your children to go?
1. Insist that he get help, and stand by him during it. This means therapy, meetings, getting rid of all gaming, period. No ‘only on the weekend’ no ‘one hour a day’ time limits. Gone, forever, no more.
I am in awe at all the great comments I got on this post. I am actually quite shocked that there are so many people who can relate from both sides. Thank you all for your comments and I think everyone is right, therapy is the way to go. I’m a little nervous because he doesn’t believe in therapy but I am sure if I bring it up when he’s in a good mood he’ll agree to give it a try. Also, to answer some of your questions: his nephews are 18-21 years old. He is 29. I don’t want to leave him because aside from his gaming I love him and he is a great person. I’ve stuck it out for years because he goes through his intervals of gaming and not gaming. I love the person he is when he is not gaming. Wish me luck!
– “I’m 7 months pregnant and my husbands friends invited us to a going away party… It turned out to be a full blown house party and after a while I got bored. I didn’t know anyone, and my husband kept wandering off….He says I’m an absolute jerk for not being ok with him staying. I just don’t like the feeling of being home alone with the kids and a big belly while my husband is out partying like a 21 year old alone.“
– “So he pretty much asked me if he could move our bed into the living room for the night and have me (I’m 20 days away from giving birth by the way) sleep in the living room with our 1 year old son who co-sleeps (we also have a 5 year old daughter who sleeps in her own bedroom). This way he could put tables and chairs in our bedroom and play all night in our bedroom with his nephews and some friends he met online through the game (so their absolute strangers to me and he has only met them once or twice before in person).“
OP, allow me to respectfully disagree but from this and your previous posts (that I have quoted above), your husband actually sounds like a pretty horrendous person. Selfish, immature, thoughtless and completely irresponsible. JFC.
Not to mention the newest and alarming fact that in your original post he STRANDED you and your children at home so he could feed his gaming addition.
Bee, I understand you love him. Of course you do, he’s the father of your kids and your husband but he is sick and he is selfish and as long as he is sick he runs the risk of staying that selfish, inconsiderate and immature man who will make his PREGNANT WIFE give up her bed, who will STRAND his wife and children so he can go play games. Screw that.
If he does not agree to counseling, you need to seek counseling for yourself and leave. He is an addict and if he will not seek help or change, you have no other choice.
I’d suggest planning an exit strategy for a trial separation. If you decide to stay with your husband, he has a very long road ahead of him and your three children don’t deserve to suffer through that.
I had a similar issue with my Fiance and gaming. It got to the point where he wasn’t coming to bed untl 7am (only on his days off) for several nights in a row, every single week, and was severely cutting into MY life and putting ME out on a regular basis. Things I needed his help with during the day would have to wait until the late afternoon because he wasn’t getting out of bed until 3pm, and some of the times these were not things that could wait until later in the day. I became VERY resentful of him and bitter towards him. I ended up sitting him down and explaining my side of things to him, and he got very defensive at first but eventually understood how much his actions were negatively affecting my life, and the super late nights have stopped.
It sounds like you’ve already had discussions with him, whereas I only had to have one with my Fiance and he stopped. If he hasn’t stopped now, I’m not sure he can.
I guess it’s his way of relaxing – like some of us come home after a long day and just watch TV. I know how much he loves it, but he assures he loves his wife more than he loves video games and he never hesitates (okay maybe sometimes, like if I’m dragging him to IKEA hahah) to put them away if I ask him to do something with me. It definitely helps that I’m a homebody too! I like doing things once in a while, but I’m happiest at home!
The topic ‘he's gaming again’ is closed to new replies.