(Closed) He's getting irritated….

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I know it sucks, but you need to stop talking about it. You’ve obviously made your feelings on the subject known, there’s nothing more you can do short of proposing to him.

Post # 4
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hey Fellow Waiting Bee,

I was starting to get resentful (going on 5.5 years here), and finally just broke down one night when he was telling me about all of his career goals for the future.  I told him I needed to know where I fit into all of this.  And that basically I felt like I was good enough to be the girlfriend, but not good enough to be his wife.  I think it was a bit harsh for him to hear, but explaning to him how I truly felt was a huge step forward. After some honest dialogue back and forth…He gave me a timeline (end of the year), and I was told not to ask again for fear that I would ruin the surprise of it all.

My only suggestion is to be honest with him.  Have the talk.  Explain your fears, feelings, dreams, etc.  I do think that men need the push, and if he’s comfortable he may not be in any hurry.  It all goes back to that “if it’s not broken, don’t fix it” theory of theirs. 

P.S.  Since we had that talk, he has actually asked ME about rings, shape of diamonds etc. We ended up having a conversation about my board on Pinterest.  He knows I have some rings pinned there, and knows how Pinterest works, and that he can go to any of the websites that those ring photos are linked to. 

My worrying has diminished, and I am much calmer.  No resentment.

Hope that helps!

P.S.S.  He did say during our conversation that he felt like I had been bringing it up a lot.  But he understood my frustration.

Post # 5
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Don’t know what to tell you, but you seem to have found out what doesn’t work, haven’t you?  Change tack lady, more of the same will benefit you nothing.

Post # 6
Member
4693 posts
Honey bee

You need to caaaaaaaalm down. Forcing him to look at rings with you is not helping anything. He’ll put a ring on it when HE feels ready. The more you push, the longer it’s going to take (according to my FH). Try (and I know it’s not fun) to stop bringing it up. Otherwise, he could very well get even more frustrated and that is not something you want to happen.

Post # 7
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

hahaha I get it… it’s super hard not to talk about it especially if you are the type to talk about it… look at blogs and pictures and talk to your friends as an outlet. if you love and trust him, you have to trust he has a plan and that your engagment is in it…

Post # 8
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You want suggestions on how you can get your point across and push him? Try twisting his arm behind his back and when he drops to his knee yell out “Yes, yes I’ll marry you”!!! I don’t understand why you’d want to “push” someone you love into doing something they arn’t ready for. Have ONE serious adult conversation and express your feelings on getting engaged/married and then drop it until he asks. How would you feel if he was pressuring you do do something you’re not ready for? Is there any specific reason he hasn’t asked? Financial? Emotionally not ready?

Post # 9
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You need to slow your roll before you scare your guy away. You’ve told him what your desires are; now the ball is in his court. He may not be ready yet. If you don’t want to wait for him to be ready, then maybe you need to rethink the relationship. But he’s never going to be ready if you keep nagging him.

Keep yourself busy with other hobbies. You’ll be much happier…and so will he.

Post # 10
Member
242 posts
Helper bee

@lhelm93:  

I agree with the others. Once you have a calm conversation aksing about where he stands on the subject and see what approximate timeline he has in mind, you need to let the subject go. It always delays things for the guys when you keep bringing things up. Try joining the shut it up pact. It will help to hold you accountable. You are right in that he already knows where you stand and what you want and pushing might be actually delaying the process. Maybe he wants to surprise you. Men do like to be in charge of the asking and the moving things forward part.

I also am a very vocal, take charge kind of a person who likes to be in control and it’s been VERY hard for me to sit back and just let things happen with this. But once you start doing it for a few days or a week then it gets easier there after. Progress not perfection. Just try to back off for a day or 2, then a week etc etc…..and see how that helps.

Post # 13
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You may like to be in control but this is something you’re going to have to let him do on his own. How would you feel if you push to far and he says he can’t take the pressure of you wanting to be engaged yesterday? You can NEVER take back the words that come from your mouth. If you need to talk weddings then WB is a great outlet, all of us here loovvveeee weddings. Go ahead and pin all things wedding til your Pinterest wedding board busts and plan in your head so when the time comes organizing the wedding is half done.

Post # 15
Member
9256 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Dude.  I have to say, he said he’ll do it within a year.  If that’s not soon enough for you, is that important enough an issue to lose the whole relationship over?  Because that might happen if you keep needling away at it.

Post # 16
Member
1404 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the other bees. Have an honest discussion about your wants and needs, and let him know exactly how you feel. Then zip it up. Pushing for a proposal will drive your man mad and delay the engagement even further.

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