He's going to propose w/ his great-grandmother's ring but I don't like it at all

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 91
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Updates?

Post # 92
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

Is it weird that I actually love it?

But you don’t, and he should respect that.

Post # 93
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If I were in that situation, I’d wait a few months and pop out of some of the diamonds and be like “oh look! The side stones are falling out.” (kidding….kinda). I understand your sentiment. I wouldn’t want to not wear my ring either. His feelings will be hurt but I do think you need to be open and honest about the ring. Don’t tell him you hate it. Just let him know you plan to wear your ring daily and want something that is more of your taste. The ring I got engaged with had some issues. Side stones falling out, the gold started tarnishing, and I developed a rash. I told my husband I wanted a new ring. He was spending money fixing constantly…to me it wasn’t worth it. So for our weddng, he bought me a bridal set. Maybe its something you can suggest to your bf. He proposes with the heirloom and maybe yall could join together and get a ring that is more of your taste. 

Post # 94
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee

cinderdora : Glad I wasn’ t the only one trying to use my mathskills on this one. It looks like a modern ring to me. And if it is fake it looks like its in very good condition. I have some costume jewlery from my grandmother that doesn’t look as good.

Tell him its a no go and you aren’t wearing it as an engagement ring. No one else has. Why do you have to?

Post # 95
Member
5916 posts
Bee Keeper

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.  My ex husband gave me a hideouslyfuckingugly heirloom ring and he knew I didn’t like it but this was ‘how it was done’ in his family. Well I didn’t realize this at the time, but what he was actually saying was “Pleasing my family will always be more important than pleasing you. I won’t stand up for you, or for myself for that matter or even our children when they come along, I won’t make waves, things are done a certain way in our family and I have to go along with this to keep peace/please my mom/aunts/grandparents. I expect you to go along with it too, even if you don’t like it” 

Post # 96
Member
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - City hall & Home

tiffanybruiser :  totally agreed

And you two should be able to talk this out, he should listen to you as you will be the one who will wear(want to wear) ring for the rest of your life. Maybe keep it to wear when you have to meet his family? But personally I wouldn’t want to act fake to please anybody and this is about your marriage so why do you have to please his family with your feeling and your dreams? Just tell him it’s your dream to have a ring that you love, it’s once in lifetime. If he won’t listen at all and keep asking his family to confirm him or gang up on your dream ring then this could be serious problem tho. Maybe this sounds harsh but I wouldn’t married someone who won’t listen to me, yes it’s just ring but this can tell you many things about how he will communicate and make a compromise with you.

Or maybe let him explain to his family that one of your friend want to design engagement ring for you. 

If he said it’s just a ring so why don’t get you the one you want?this is so awkward😳 

I hope you can understand my English and good luck, couples have to communicate and decide not the whole family 🙂

Post # 97
Member
479 posts
Helper bee

beeb2323 :  bee.. why dont you talk about it with your boyfriend? If he’s a good man he will listen and think on your behalf and wont tell his family about it. Right now you are only speculating and building negative emotions only assuming. He might react okay and may offer to buy a ring you like!! You can wear it when you see the in laws! 

Communication is key to any marriage and I think this is something good to practise on before the marriage happens. Communication about these kinda sensitive topics willl definitely come up again in the future when you marry him. 

Post # 98
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

I’m late to the party, but my heart goes out to you. I think sometimes men do not fully understand how important it is to have something that is fitting to your personality. It’s something you will wear all your life and it’s not unreasonable that you would want it to be something you like. You should be able to be proud of it, whether it be a simple band or a huge shiny rock. I think the ring is very pretty, but it looks more like a cocktail ring and he should understand your side.  

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