Post # 1
SO & I (mid-20s) have been dating 1.5yrs and I’m “waiting” in that we have talked about an engagement timeline for Fall 2012 (3yr anni). We’re in love, happy, and our relationship is overall awesome. The only thing is, while SO doesn’t doubt his feelings for me, he tells me he is sometimes scared of marriage. He’s the kind of person who analyzes something from 360 angles before making a decision but once he makes that decision (to marry me, and he has already decided that), he sticks to it 100%.
Recently, SO mentioned to me one night that he loves me and he wants to speak to someone to maybe break through his fears about marriage. He wants us to be together and I’m graduating sooner than we previously thought (wrote about it in a previous post) and he did mention we might have to move our timeline to accomodate that. But I’m not sure what to think now. On one hand, I’m really proud of him that he thinks so highly of our relationship to seek the advice of others. I’m actually not sure who it is he’ll be talking to either – maybe his best friend (married) or even a counselor of some sort? I’m not too sure what to make of this. What do you think is going on? Is this good or bad?? I told him that I’ll just be here when he wants to open up about these convos and he has all the space he wants about it. In the meantime things are great.
Post # 3
I think it’s great! He’s looking for ways to prepare for marriage and see it in more of a positive light so that he can be a good husband.
I would support this 100%, he’s still goign to marry you, he’ll just be a better husband.
The fact that he has recongised his fears and wants to deal with them and improve himself speaks volumes.
Post # 4
I also think that he has made a very mature decision! He has decided to seek help to improve your relationship and overall your future marriage! Kudos to him! Support away!
Post # 5
I agree with the other bees that this is a good sign. Society sometimes conditions us to believe that if things are good, then we shouldn’t need to seek any help. In other words, we are lead to believe that getting outside counsel is a sign that something is wrong. This is not the case, though. His decision to get some guidance is a sign of strength and of his commitment to you. I wish my bf would do the same
Post # 6
@mxpinky: Absolutely good! Someone who’s rational about his decisionmaking and eager to work through any hesitation he has in a healthy, productive way? Good catch!
Post # 7
I think it’s great that you “told him that I’ll just be here when he wants to open up about these convos and he has all the space he wants about it.” He needs to feel you are on his side. Good for you.
My friend was with her guy (an over-analytical person who “analyzes something from 360 angles before making a decision”). He finally analyzed it enough, and after 6 years of being together, they got married last year.
It is not bad thing actually, because like you said, once he makes his decision, he will be committed to it.
He sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders 😉
Post # 8
Ah, thx for your perspectives. Definitely a good way to think about it.