(Closed) He's gone..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh Bee!  I’m so sorry to hear this. My fiance dumped me very suddenly (in a text) a few months ago and I didn’t have any closure either. I was 100% blindsided. I know how much you are hurting right now!

One thing I have learned is that closure comes from within.  I agree with a PP who said that his reasons don’t matter.  The fact that he is willing to lose you over ANYTHING tells you that he is not the one for you.  In time, you will probably piece some things together and come to your own conclusions (I did), but ultimately all you need to focus on is the fact that he left you. 

This is all so fresh for you right now, so just take some time to process it.  Cry, call your friends, write about it… do whatever you have to do.  Try not to contact him as difficult as that may seem.  Allow yourself to feel miserable right now and baby yourself in whatever way brings you even a little bit of comfort.  There will be a time for picking yourself up and moving forward (admist your grief) but that time isn’t now.  

Feel free to write me if you want to vent to anyone who has gone through something similar.  Since I’m a few months ahead of you in this process I might be able to offer some more specific suggestions about what has helped me.  I can promise you that as long as you go about this in a healthy way, it WILL get better!

Post # 32
Member
1450 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

That is a shit situation, Bee, I’m so sorry to hear that. I agree with the PP who said to take the day off tomorrow if you can and cry it out. Call your mom. Take care of yourself. Being heartbroken is a type of grief, and you need to work through it, and you deserve the time and support to do that.

Post # 33
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

I’m SO sorry bee, but you are better off without him! Any guy who can stay unhappy for 6+ months and not communicate his thoughts/feelings with you is NOT marriage material. 

Post # 34
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

beachbumm105 :  Don’t feel stupid, that is what we would ALL want if it was us!  I don’t want to give you any false hope.  I just wanted you to know that this has happened to other people, and some people do work it out. 

**Disclaimer: Every situation is different xo   

Post # 35
Member
901 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Wow Bee, I hope you get some closure and are able to move on eventually. We are here for you.

Post # 36
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 1999

I am so sorry you are going through this. He will come back to you, once he has time to really miss you. He will be frightened that he has lost you for good. You need to be strong enough to let him know that he has lost you for good. You need to be strong enough to let him know that your time is valuable and you demand respect. You need to let him know that his actions are unacceptable. After that thank him for giving you the tools and information you needed to find your true future love.

Post # 37
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m so sorry hon. Arg. If I knew you in real life I would be applying bologna slices to his car right now.

Post # 38
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

beachbumm105 :  i am so sorry sweetheart. (Hugs). Is there anyone you can talk to or be with to engage in self care? I know its hard right now, but you need extra care to process all this. This sucks so much

Post # 39
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

beachbumm105 :  My dear, I am sooooooo sorry. ((((HUGS)))). I can’t imagine and I hope you get the closure you need to begin your healing process.

Post # 40
Member
953 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My heart aches to read things like this, because I remember so keenly how much it hurts. I’m so sorry. Nearly this exact thing happened about 3 years ago to a close friend of mine–she grieved for a bit before going back out into the world, and now just a few weeks ago we attended her wedding to someone who is a beautiful, wonderful, perfect match for her and would never to do her what her ex did. You can get through it!

Post # 41
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

That is so awful; I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling now. Sending lots of good thoughts your way.

Post # 45
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

cc5598 :  I cannot express how much I agree with this. He’s unhappy for 6 months and CHOOSES to say nothing to you, and then breaks up with you out of the blue? This is a red flag. And I can say this because I’ve been there. I read your post when you first put it up and have been thinking how to respond. My bf of 5 years broke up with me “out of the blue” too, over text, and then he was just gone. Never saw him again. And then afterwards, after I learned he had started something up with someone else while we were together, he listed (in an e-mail) all the problems he had with me/us, none of which he chose to bring up with me while we were actually together and able to do something about them and talk about them. Sounds like this is what happened to you (not the other girl part, but the second part). I know it hurts right now and you still need to process. But time will reveal to you how someone who can make a lasting relationsihp work would not do this.

I know right now you want him back, I understand that. You’re right in the beginning of a pain that will take time to process. But I truly believe in time you’ll realize that someone worth spending your life with will talk to you about their unhappiness and find a way to work through it together. And if that doesn’t work, then discuss the possiblity of seperating. Not just make that decision in his own head without you and without sharing his true feelings with you. This smacks of immaturity.

It takes a long time to get through something like this but you will. I remember people saying that to me when it happened. I didn’t believe it and it just felt like a line at the time when I was in the thick of the pain. But it’s not just a line, it’s people who have been there in some form or another who completly understand your pain and have come through something similiar themselves. There’s no quick fix, but you can take care of yourself, and I hope you will. You’re worth more than this, you deserve a relationship with someone who will talk to you and work through problems together, not keep them bottled up and then just up and leave, and use such flimsy excuses like trying to avoid stressing you out. He was trying to avoid stressing himself out because he didn’t want to work through it. And again, you deserve someone who would, someone who feels that “stress” is worth it because it’s necessary to work through issues.

Do whatever you need to to take care of yourself right now. Your friends will be back and you can and should lean on them fully. I am thinking of you and sending you love, hugs, and support. 

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