(Closed) He's gone..

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Hostess
8681 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

beachbumm105 :  I am so sorry, that is horrible. You poor thing. Nothing I can say will help – but MASSIVE interweb hugs! x

Post # 47
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am SO sorry. I don’t think that anything anyone says to you will help you to feel better…but I can relate to you, as I was in your shoes before….so I will share my story.

6 years ago I was engaged to a man whom I dated for 5 years. Everything was PERFECt. We never fought, we were best friends, we planned our wedding together, etc. He literally told me one day out of the blue that he just didnt see himself with me forever and I did nothing wrong. This happened 2 months befoure our wedding date!! I was DEVASTATED to say the least. I felt like I was dying, I felt lost. That was my best friend for YEARS. My life without him…I didnt know what that would even look like? I was scared and so lost. Did i do something wrong? I HAD to have, why would someone just randomly leave when things are so good? To this day I never got closure…all ties were cut after he left me.

Moving On— Once you are with someone so long like that…its like you are greiving a loss. and hell it hurt! Even months later I would find myself ranomly crying, I even made myself sick a few times just from high strung emotions. I didnt know what to do with myself…. Everyone tried to give advice and comfort me… but really, its just time…and not a certain amount of time, just whatever works for you..I thought I would never get past feeling like I did. 2 years after that I went on a date and got into a (short) relationship that was horrible. I was just going through the motions It didnt help the guy didnt treat me well…but I was thinking, I had the best, and I had to do something wrong to lose it, so i deserved what I was getting. Thank GOD that ended…i was hurt, but really I was blaming it all on my past… now 6 years have gone by…I havent thought of that ex in probably 4 years….last year I met the most sweet genuine man and I get to marry him in a few months! 🙂

 

I am so sorry for what you are experiencing…few understand and know the pain! message me anyime. <3 heart goes out to you

Post # 48
Member
2430 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

He is clearly not much of a communicator, if he says he was unhappy for 6 months, and you didn’t know it.

Sounds like you got all you are going to get from him. It doesn’t matter anyway, he just changed his mind. At least he didn’t blame it on you.

Post # 49
Member
767 posts
Busy bee

I went through a loss like this a long time ago. I felt like I was dying too-

I don’t think he should have left the way he did, but sometimes people that love and care for each other just aren’t meant to be married! My parents were like that too. They had a unhappy marriage for a very long time, and eventually divorced, but after the initial mess was over, stayed good friends. They didn’t care about each other any less, just being married didn’t work.

I went on to meet the man of my dreams and have a life that never would have happened with the man I was engaged to. I never should have said yes to the proposal in the first place, but that’s another story.  Everyone was shocked that we didn’t marry, but that was the best in the end! Not to sound cold to what you are going through, but over time months would go by without my thinking of this man, and when I think of how I didn’t marry him I just sigh and think thank god!

Best way I can put it is from a old saying I heard somewhere – ‘when you come to the last page, close the book’

take the time you need to grieve and feel how you feel. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel about it- you’ll feel or not feel as you are ready. But in the mean time, do what you can to be busy and have hobbies. Even if they feel like silly ones. Laugh whenever you can- the american pie movies work for me! 🙂

Post # 50
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

beachbumm105 :  Something very similar happened to me. We weren’t engaged, but we’d been together for 6 years, lived together and I moved away from all my family and friends to follow him to med school. Out of the blue one day he came home and said that he needed space and that I should move out the next day (we lived in a property owned by his parents, so I had to be the one who moved out with no warning). I know that bees are suggesting that the true story will come out or that there must be someone else, but it may very well be that there never really is a good reason for what happened. I never got a good explanation other than he just felt like he couldn’t commit to me and didn’t want to string me along anymore and that he’d been feeling that way for YEARS. I held on to hope that he’d realize that he was wrong and come running back for a while, until I snapped out of it and came to my senses and realized that I didn’t want to be with someone who would do that to me anyway. 

You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. 

Post # 51
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

OP and PP’s that have been through much of the same, I am thinking of you; sending hugs and love your way and know that you have the strength to get through this.

NOBODY deserves this treatment; the not knowing and not having a chance to fight to fix things.

Wish I could help alleviate the hurt you’re experiencing. Your heart will mend in time. Please take care of yourself.

Post # 52
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

(((Hugs))) I’m sorry that he hurt you this way. I hope that you are able to move on when you are ready and enjoy the best life ever. 

Post # 53
Member
2928 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

OP, I am so sorry to read this!  I can only imagine what you are going through.  It’s not fair that he got to end things this way instead of talking to you.  I hope you realize you are worthy of having someone that will not treat you like this and will communicate if there is a problem.

Time will heal.  Take it a day at a time, that’s all you can do.

Post # 54
Member
2687 posts
Sugar bee

My ex husband left me when I was in the hospital after surgery.  I was beyond devastated and it took me a lot of time to recover.  I spent about a year and  half without dating and spent that time discovering who I was and what I wanted in a relationship and life itself..

Forward a few years later and can dimly remember what he looksl like and our rocky relationship. I know you won’t believe this, but you will find someone who is absolutely right for you and you will wonder whatever you saw in this dirtbag.

Post # 56
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee

Anyone that wants to leave me…I open the door for them to walk through it.

It may hurt like hell but trust me, if he can do this, he did you a favor. 

Post # 57
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

ljm308 :  +_1000 

((((hugs)))) Please listen to these words and don’t hope he comes back or hope he gives you reasons that will lead to closure, it will only delay your grieving and healing process and leave you cruelly in limbo. 

He tried to come off as a sensitive decent guy, waiting until the ‘right time’ to let you know, but the way he behaved was highly insensitive and cowardly. His ‘waiting’ became his excuse to blindside you with something he had contemplated and planned for months. The decent thing to do would have been to talk to you. If he chose not to talk to you, not to try and work things out or explain his feelings and doubts, it wasn’t to save you from stress, it was to save himself from dealing with the situation and possibly an awkward or heated conversation. He chose to take the coward’s way out and plan his exit strategy without warning or explanation to spare HIMSELF, not you. You were friends for years and then lovers and then fiancees, he owed you far better than that. That’s not the kind of guy you hope comes back, that’s the kind of guy you move on from, even if it’s painful and hard at first. 

Post # 58
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

I’m so sorry bee! Put some yoga pants on, open a ben and jerrys, put on your favorite funny movie(not a romcom!!). If you need a suggestion of a stupid movie, watch office space! Cry, eat, nap, scream into a pillow, take a hot bath… One of my favorite things to do when I feel broken inside is to turn the shower on hot, sit in the tub with the shower running on me and get in a good cry. It sort of feels like it’s raining, but relaxing. But get back into your daily routine in a few days and live your life. Wishing you the best!

Post # 59
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I am so sorry bee. I hope you can find closure, you will feel better as time goes by. This happened to me some years ago and it is better not look for an answer and not to take the person back if he tries to come back, because it will never be the same again. As PP suggested, grieve the relationship, be sad and pick yourself back up.

Try to be busy, go to the gym or try to do some activities that will keep your mind occupied in something different and that you may enjoy.

Post # 60
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

urg…I’m so sorry to hear this bee. Big hugs xox

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