Post # 1
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
So I need a place to vent and get this off my chest a bit.
My FI is a very caring guy, he’s sweet, a great listener and is pretty cute, (But I’m biased.) Girls seem attracted to him and get flirty, he never flirts back or anything but most of his friends seem to be of the female gender. It’s never really bothered me, when we first started dating, I was a bit worried about it as my ex had a “friend” who he was seeing while we were dating, so I was a bit nervous but we discussed it and things have been fine. He’ll text them and they post stuff to his FB wall and what not. A few friends have gotten a bit too flirty/comfortable and he’s told them that it needs to stop. We’re very open with each other and while he doesn’t like me talking to some of my guy friends, he’s never objected or anything.
Anyway, we’re “making” (I say that very loosely as we’re just getting an idea of who to invite.) out our guest list and he’s adding all his friends and what not, and he keeps mentioning all these female friends he wants to invite. It seems every other word is “let’s invite Sarah or Jenny or Erin or some other random girl.” I knew he had female friends but holy schmoly, he has SO MANY. It’s starting to get to me a little bit. He’s a theatre major and obviously works with all these gorgeous women and I know he’s marrying me but I don’t know.
How do I deal with this little nag that seems to be in my head? I know it really shouldn’t bother me but it kind of does.
Am I crazy? I think I’m going crazy.
Post # 2
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
futuremrstx: you’re a little crazy but that’s okay. I think most women who have been hurt in the past have that little “nag” in their head. If he feels they are close enough friends to invite then let him invite them.
Have you meet these girl friends of his (note the space there lol) yet? I was really concerned with my husband’s friendships with a lot of women until I actually met them and realized that he acted with them the same way he acted with his guy friends.
If you really hate the idea of these women attending your wedding, I’d talk to your FI about it. Gently, of course, and in a way where it doesn’t feel like you’re telling him who he can be friends with.
It sucks when other people try to flirt with your guy but I really wouldn’t worry too much about this. Sounds like he’s very loyal to you so just enjoy the fact that you landed such a catch! 🙂
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by ren89.
Post # 3
Member
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Normally I side with the bride on these, but in this case you’ve really got nothing to worry about; because he shuts down any flirting and he’s 100% open with you. Let him invite a bunch of theatre girls and sit them together.
That said, he needs to understand how to prioritise the list, and in general “work/college friends” are optional. Start with the people you need to invite (relatives, close friends, long time friends). If it’s a girl (or guy) you don’t know, then that probably means he doesn’t meet her socially outside work/college, so she’s not a close friend. (Becauee often a good guide of whether a work/college friend is close enough to invite is: do you socialise with them outside of work/college hours?)
Post # 4
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
Hurm..friends are a tough one.
Personally…I would not want to be THAT GIRL…so I would let them come and be the perfect hostess. Being insecure can be OK at times but the issues happen when you take it out on someone else. You do not want to tell him no for no good reason? You know? I mean, he is loyal, does not flirt, gives you no reason to worry… I would really try and deal with the ladies if you can.
I used to feel that way about my guy.. we talked it out a few times…then one day I realized I did not feel that way anymore. It has been so nice since I stopped worrying about what “could” happen and just focused on what is happening. =)
I hope you can find some peace with all this. I know it is hard…but trust =) <3
Post # 5
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
Seriously?!?!? In any career, he’s going to have to be friendly with female coworkers. If he’s planning on going into theater, the vast majority of people he interacts with in his career are going to be female. Count yourself lucky that he’s already learned to maintain a balance between having female friends while not doing anything inappropriate.
Post # 6
Member
434 posts
Helper bee
Yeah, I don’t really see the problem here. Have you actually met or hung out with any of these women? Maybe get to know them before you judge their relationship with your fiance.
Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
futuremrstx: I’d like to jump in and defend your feelings and say that when you mentioned theatre, unless you have been involved yourself with the stage, someone may have no idea how physical and sometimes sexual actors and actresses can sometimes be (even serious ones) with each other, even in jest. I really think it comes with the big personalities involved with theatre. I am proud of you for keeping your jealousy in check, and I definitely agree with PPs that you need to prioritize your guest list and possibly even meet these girls before invitations are sent out.
