He's had the ring for 11 months!

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

First of all, calm down,the stress isn’t good for your baby. You’re due in less than 4 months, and of course you’re upset that he hasn’t proposed yet. But with 2 children now, living together, why the need to get engaged right now? You planned this baby, you knew you weren’t engaged then, you could have planned to have the baby after the engagement.  But what’s done is done, try to enjoy the pregnancy and of he says he’ll propose then give him the benefit of the doubt, it’s more important that he’s a good father and partner than having a ring on your finger now. He bought the ring, he will propose but I wouldn’t want to marry someone who tries to kick me out just bc I didn’t do what they wanted when they want it. 

Post # 3
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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lifeisbeeutiful :  Uh, because he’s had the ring for a whooooole year. That’s a really long time. A full year of seasons. I’d start to feel like he wasn’t going to propose. My fiancé couldn’t even hold onto the ring for a week. -_-

Also, they have KIDS. Would you be okay with a baby daddy for God-knows-when?

Post # 4
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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hungrymeow :  they had 1 child unplanned, and 2nd one planned. She wasn’t engaged when she became pregnant. So yes, I would be okay with a baby-daddy if I went fully into it with eyes wide open like OP did. 

Post # 7
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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beejaymes :  you have it all wrong. You don’t put off having another child with him to force a proposal, you put it off to see if he’s as serious about you as you need, if your needs align, if he sees the commitment of marriage the same way you do. You’ve been doing things backwards all along really, so no sense in crying over spilt milk. Try to enjoy the pregnancy and your life is still all ahead of you, be a single mother if you prefer, probably better than the arguing environment for children. 

Post # 9
Member
3272 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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beejaymes :  sorry but clearly your boyfriend’s actions say that he doesn’t want to marry you. 2 kids, already having the ring for a year, he still won’t legally commit to his babies momma. Arguing is bad for your children. Unfortunately you can’t *make/force* someone to want to marry you! At this point, lose the grand gesture/romantic (faux) proposal dream, that ship has sailed. Be *logical* with him,  try to get him to the courthouse to marry you, if only for the legal benefits/protection of his children. That argument may convince him.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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lifeisbeeutiful :  How logical, and frankly . . . cavalier. I guess things just always go as you plan. And I don’t know how an unplanned child is “eyes wide open,” no matter the circumstance or implication that she’s been irresponsible in doing things backwards.

View original reply
beejaymes :  I feel as you do. Yes, enjoy your second pregnancy, congratulations! But I, for one, do not think you’re being ridiculous, having found yourself without patience after 11 months. Especially because he has the ring and is maybe waiting for some “magical” proposal moment. I’d be frustrated, too.

Post # 11
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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hungrymeow :  I completely agree with this. They went into the second baby with her assuming they’d be married, not to mention engaged, MUCH sooner than this. 

I’ve had a few friends whose boyfriends have held onto rings for an inexcusably long time. I don’t get it. Mine went out and chose a ring as soon as he was financially able–like two weeks after he started a job that could reasonably afford something–and then he proposed about a week after that. Why bother making it a “surprise” at this point? I have been in the same position as the OP with a previous relationship…. it gets to the point where no matter how the proposal happens, it doesn’t even matter anymore because you’re so past the point of giving a fuck. I really don’t understand men who put off an engagement for so long that the woman gives up and becomes resentful. I don’t understand it at ALL. 

Post # 12
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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hungrymeow :  eyes wide open with the SECOND pregnancy. Sorry you missed that.

I also see your point in a way but let’s say he has the ring now for 11 months,. They planned the second baby and OP is now 5 months pregnant. That means he already had the ring for 6mths, no proposal, when they planned their second pregnancy. Without a proposal, no committment, no plans for a wedding, nothing set in stone.

Post # 13
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

I’d give him a deadline to get married. Just say give me my ring if we’re getting married. I consider us engaged since you assure me we’re getting married, so just skip the proposal and let me wear my ring. I can totally understand your frustration. On one hand it sucks cause you know you want to be with him and you have a family together, but on the other hand it’s really hurtful and demeaning that he’s not willing to commit to you even after all you have together. 

Post # 14
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

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lifeisbeeutiful :  Kay, got it. Guess I did miss what you were specifically being judgmental about.

Post # 15
Member
5473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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hungrymeow :  I don’t think it’s being judgemental.  

And like pp, I thinkth civil ceremony would be a great idea.

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