(Closed) He’s having trouble lasting…

posted 6 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Do you just do it once and call it quits? Would he be up to go a second time immediately? The reason I ask is because if my guy didn’t try to hold out he would probably finish within the first minute. But it’s totally fine cause we get it out of the way and and immediately do it a second time and it’s wonderful. Yeah. If I called it quits I’d be miserable. But we have a wonderful sex life cause we can go at it multiple times in a row. Do you think that would work for you?

Post # 4
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@claireos:  I agree with this.

I also think that he should try condoms, or a ring maybe?  Also, not to pry too much, but you say you have only had sex 10 times.  If this is the very beginning of your relationship and he’s not wearing condoms, it might not be a bad idea for both of you to get tested for STD’s if that’s not something you’ve thought of before.  Fiance and I both got tested at the start of our relationship; those buggers can come from anywhere.

Post # 5
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe try slowing down and using more foreplay rather than going straight into sex? You can try techniques like getting him very aroused and then stopping altogether until he softens, then repeating which will strengthen his ability to last. Condoms and rings also work to help desensitize so he can last longer.

 

Post # 6
Member
2756 posts
Sugar bee

Also, just wanted to say: he might not think condoms will help in the long run, but they will. The trick is that this is likely a psychological issue he is having. He’s worried about wanting to please you, but also he gets too excited. Condoms will help slow his reactions down, lower his sensitivity and show him that he can last. Once he gets it into his head that he can last, condoms won’t be so necessary anymore. But they can definitely be a helpful tool to get through this.

Fiance and I had the opposite issue for a while – we’d go and go and go, but he couldn’t finish. The more it happened, the more it psyched him out. We had to work at it, I had him show me the things he liked and we also watched some videos together and talked about the things that turn him on. Once I learned a few of his key phrases/fantasies it was just a matter of integrating them into sex in a way that’d press all his buttons. And we also learned to just say, “This isn’t working” and appreciate that the intimacy itself was a great experience.

So definitely slow down, talk to each other and continue to explore. Don’t give up or get frustrated, you can work through this 🙂

Post # 7
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t at all mean to pry or make you uncomfortable, but I have some thoughts and suggestions that kind of necessitate further questions. There’s no pressure to answer them if you don’t want to–I tried to supply responses in advance:

– Are you his first partner? If so, then you’re probably right that it will get better with time and practice, but there are other things you can do to help that along and to make you both more satisfied in general.

– Does/did he masturbate? If you’re religously opposed to that or something, obviously that’s a personal decision and it’s not for anyone else to judge or comment on. But FWIW, guys who are used to masturbating with some regularity (though not excessively–more than once a day could actually cause problems performing) generally are more in tune with their bodies and more in control. If sex is his only outlet, and you’re not doing it frequently–yeah, it’ll probably be over pretty fast.

– Does he make sure to take care of you regardless of when he finishes? If he’s confident in his ability to please you via other means, it’ll take some of the pressure of him to last and might help his performance. And in a more general sense it’ll mean that sex is satisfying for you regardless of when he finishes, and knowing that you enjoy it either way will make him more eager to initiate even if he’s worried about lasting.

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