(Closed) He’s ignoring me and I don’t really understand why

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

He needs to be able to talk about it if he has an issue.   I can see why he was upset, but to sulk and hide in a room isn’t going to make it go away.   Has everything else been okay?   Can you offer to change your phone number so he cannot text you again?

Post # 4
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My ex did that to me.  I just thought he was cruel (which he is).  When going through my divorce I found out there is a term for this.  It is called “emotional abuse”.  Don’t stick around for him to emotionally abuse you.  This is not how two adults in a loving relationship deal with their problems.    

Post # 6
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sure a girl finding such a thing in a mans phone would be and equal  if not worse reaction/ “consequence”

but I agree with the others on communications issues. Yall are still young into your relationship so this could make or brake it if things aren’t taken care of.

i wish I knew a way to make him understand and feel your honesty in this situation!!

 

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Eva Peron: The thing is.. why was he looking through her phone? If it was flipped around, and she’d come on here saying she wasn’t talking to her Boyfriend or Best Friend because she looked through his phone and he had a text from a girl on his phone, I’d tell her to stop being such a drama queen, confront the issue, but why the frick was she looking through his phone? lol

“Punishing” her for someone else’s actions is totally unhealthy and uncalled for.

Post # 8
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Mrs. Puffin: THIS

OP, ask him why he felt the need to go through your phone. Ask him if he noticed that you never replied to the message, and just rolled your eyes and thought of all the ways to get rid of this guy once and for all. Then just shut up and stare at him.

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

why would your Boyfriend or Best Friend suddenly today, just out of the blue look at your phone where there happens to be an inappropriate message on it?  i find it strange that he chooses today to look or does he do this often. plus why didnt you simply tell him and delete the message? 

IF it was me, i would have shown my husband (your BF), answered back to the guy to STFU and leave never contact me again and then block him – followed by deleting the message. why did you keep the message and why would you allow contact with someone (because hes done it before and you havent blocked the guy) that is so disrespectful to you and your relationship?

Post # 10
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

Oh the silent treatment. It’s very manipulative and hurtful…yet we so often engage in such behavior. 

He’s not getting something. This doesn’t mean you’re at fault, because his reaction is not justified any way you want to look at it. However, secure and loving individuals don’t pull stunts like these if they know how to love one another…when someone is insecure, which I sense he is, they can behave stupidly. He may not trust you fully, for whatever reason, and has trouble maintaining faith. 

Don’t combat his anger with anger. It never works. If he needs some time to unwind, ok, give him some. This issue needs to be hashed out, of course, because there is a root to it. Write him a note, gently approach him, etc. Even though he is being hurtful and unloving now, you will have the most success if you approach him tenderly. Often times people need to be loved the most when it appears they “deserve” it least.

 

Best wishes.

Post # 11
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@eloping: In her defense, I have an ex who is named “do not respond” in my contacts. He occasionally texts, but it’s few and far between. If I respond “don’t text me” he texts more. And while I COULD try to get the number blocked, it’s not worth the trouble. SO knows about it. While I usually delete the text, I don’t always, just because I rarely delete my texts. I have a blackberry, after a certain point they auto-delete.

If I get a text, I don’t tell him; because he wouldn’t care to know. Just like if an ex texted him, I just would rather not know, I trust him to deal with it appropriately.

Anyway, carry on!

Post # 12
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

It’s understandable for him to be upset, but for him to stop talking to you over it? How does he expect to resolve the issue? So every time he is upset, he’ll act like a child all “NAH NAH NAH I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”? That will not lead anywhere good. Won’t be in the same room as you? Goodness gracious, he’s acting like you have cooties. And we’re too old for cooties! He needs to learn some adult strategies for handling issues, I think. I’ve never understood the silent treatment. All it does is make one partner intentionally feel like crap, and that isn’t healthy.

Post # 14
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@eloping: Good point!  This IS NOT the first time he has looked through OP’s phone. This is just the first time he found something questionable.  BTW, my ex did that to me too.  : (  This means he is the jealous type.  Not good.  

 

Post # 16
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

try giving him permission to call this guy and bitch him out/tell him to leave you alone.

that should do the trick in making him realize that you couldn’t care less about this guy and want him to stop bugging you with those kinds of texts.

then after it blows over and he starts talking with you again, you need to addres his method of communicating his anger (or lack thereof i should say).  i used to be that way (when i was like 19/20 years old mind you) and it was because i had a fierce temper and did not know how to communicate in a calm manner. it scared me so i figured it was best to just “cool off” and shut down.  how old is he?  has he had any recent shitty relationships where he was cheated on?    he needs to learn how to control himself and communicate like an adult. 

 

 

 

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