(Closed) He’s inviting his childhood dentist!?! (vent and it’s kinda long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tell him that the wedding isn’t about getting gifts; it’s about having the people who you ACTUALLY LOVE AND CARE ABOUT celebrate your marriage with you!  Sheesh. (Not directed at you, OP, just at him!)

Post # 4
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Thorpewood

If my boyfriend pulled something like that, I would tell him he has to help me do all of these invites because I sure as hell am not doing them alone.  I know for my boyfriend personally that would discourage him because he hates that kind of thing.

Basically I would make him work really, realy hard for those extra people and that would discourage him.  I don’t know what your fiance is like though.  I wish I had more helpful advice because that’s really annoying for you to have to deal with.  Quite honestly, I don’t think all of those people are going to send him another gift if he already had one wedding anyway.  I know I wouldn’t (but maybe I’m breaking ettiquite?)  But if someone already got married once and I was invited to the wedding, I wouldn’t send another gift, ESPECIALLY if I wasn’t going.

Post # 6
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

a. you only need people who care about your life and you’ve seen somewhat recently.

b. he has to do all the extra invites.

But holy kittens, that Fiance needs to bring it down to reality! Inviting the dentist? that cracks me up!

Post # 7
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

oops, Darling Husband just pointed out that we had his childhood dentist invited as well. BUT! His wife did all the tuxes and I guess they are famiy friends. Still no senators though.

Post # 8
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Also, maybe point out that his childhood dentist and father’s former coworkers really do not care about or want an invitation to his patient-from-25-years-ago’s wedding?  That to them it might just seem like gift grubbing?  I would probably roll my eyes if I got an invite like that from someone I didn’t even know.

Post # 10
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh geez lol.  Maybe just put a max on people you can invite say 120.. and then say ok my family gets to invite 60 people and your family gets to invite 60 people and thats that. I know how ya feel though. My FI’s family is mormon so his parents want to invite everyone and their pet poodle to the wedding!! That’s why I am glad we are having a small destination wedding 🙂

Post # 12
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Let me guess, he’s from a small town? I went through exactly the same thing….they HAVE to invite everyone..ours was narrowed to 250, and I was happy with that.

Post # 14
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

lol this just sounds crazy. I think I would use the angle of not inviting people who were at his first wedding who he has not seen since because this is not a re-do of his first wedding. I don’t think he’ll offend anyone by not inviting them even if they were there the first time as most people understand that a small wedding is family focused. I would also stress the point that your family and friends will be greatly outnumbered and you don’t want to feel like you are surronded by strangers.

For reference, we had areception venue with a 100 person max capacity and decided we could each invite 60 guests. Ultimately, he invited a few people over that had already told him tehy could not travel and I invited a few of my mom’s cousins who didn’t make the cut because she asked me to. Our numbers worked out to about 85 in the end which made us very happy and despite being in my home state, did not put me at an overwhelming advantage when it came to guests even though I had more family present. I didn’t think it would be fair to him to invite a large amount of extended family members or family friends he has never met. We also chose to exclude children which was only a minor factor in our guest list but may be something you could consider if they are children he has never met.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think it’s time to sit down and approach it like, “If this is what you really want, we need to figure out a place to have it, and how much that’s going to cost, because our current options can’t hold that many people, and we need to reasses our catering options and budget, because we’ll have to feed all these people…” He needs to see the costs skyrocket for himself.

Basically, if you say, “No! We can’t do this!” you’re just setting yourself up in opposite corners when you should be working together. If he can come up with a way to work within your budget to have all these extra people come, without skimping and making it one of those wedding horror stories*, then I think you might consider that having his childhood dentist and his senator and his father’s former co-workers at his wedding is important to your Fiance.

If they aren’t important to him, then he shouldn’t be inviting them–that’s just materialistic and gift grubbing. And the thing is, with that, everyone knows when they get an invite from some random acquaintance from years ago, that what that person really wants is for the invitee to decline and send a gift anyway.

He absolutely should be responsible for the additional invitations. They’re a lot of work. And right now, it kind of sounds like he’s just telling you what he wants and you’re supposed to make it happen. I think it’s time he got his hands dirty.

IMO. 🙂

*(“Omg. At my cousin’s wedding there was one chicken wing per person and they made the guests clean up to avoid clean up fees from the venue!” type stories.)

Post # 16
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I don’t know whether this is funny or kinda sad- “Half the people on the list that he wants to invite probably don’t even know he got divorced.” “he doesn’t even know how many kids his cousin’s have so we estimated two per family” I agree with you completely- I can’t understand WHY he’d want them at your wedding.

My guest list “rule” is- if we wouldn’t go to their funeral (and vice versa), they’re not getting an invite. Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite her aunts that Fiance doesn’t know- we’re putting our foot down on that- not going to waste $50 in invites/postage for people who won’t come when we can use that money for other things-every little bit counts.

Do you think he’d be receptive to dividing the list? For ex: We’re giving each family 25 invites, and we have 35 each for our friends (120 invites, so we should have 100-110 guest) Have you two sat down and talked about what your vision for the wedding day is? Maybe that would help, too. Personally, I want to be surrounded by people who know and love us- I want guests who will be so happy to see us get married, they’ll feel moved to tears, vs. “why am I here again?”

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