(Closed) He’s Just Not That Into You….and how it applies to the bee

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’ve seen the movie, (actually it was on this weekend), but I’m not sure I understand exactly what scenes or what esceptions you are referring to.  Can you explain?

Post # 5
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I am not a placater.

I tend to be more of the “set some boundaries and expectactions for yourself” type and “it can be so much better but not with this guy” type.

I don’t give excuses for crappy behaviour by either men OR women. I know plenty of men who would not have such crappy behaviour, and see no reason why women should settle for men who do have such crappy behaviour (or, for that matter, why men should settle for women who have such crappy behaviour). I don’t understand why people WANT projects or why so many people have such low expectations so as to assume “all men are like that” or other generalizations to brush off crappy behaviour as “normal” or “not much you can do”. Yes, you CAN do something: expect more!

There are some absolutely wonderful people out there who are whole, loving, emotionally intelligent and mature, thoughtful, honest, communicative, fun, interesting all on their own, why settle for less?

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

yes I see that on here! Sometimes people post and the guy is so obviously NOT into it, is dragging it out, and people cling to one tiny little thing he says or does as proof that he really is going to propose.  It makes me sad to see it.  And I have had friends in real life like that too – they just cling to small things, when to others it is just so obvious….but all she needs is that one friend to tell her to hang in there, that her “time will come”, that if she loves him enough, that is enough, to keep her hanging on….

By The Way I personally love the whole philosophy of “he’s just not that into you” but I HATED the movie.  The end of the movie basically contradicted the whole premise (eg the dude who wasn’t into her in the beginning fell in love with her. REALLY?)

Post # 7
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

*raises hand* guilty! Embarassed

I have done this with my SIL. She’s new to the family also and sometimes my BIL can be an @ss. So I try to keep her ‘sane’.

But I don’t do it like in the movies. There are times when he is totally wrong and I agree with her then for sure. If it’s over stupid little things then I try to brush it off for her.

Post # 9
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@RayKay:  I agree, I’m not a placater either.  I’ve very straight forward and honest with my friends and family about their situation. I don’t think it does them any good to enable their excuses.  I have a friend who is always making excuses for the guys she dates.  She’s an amazing person and I also have to gently point out to her that if these guys were into her they wouldn’t be doing what they’re doing.   She deserves so much better. It might be hard to hear in the moment that he’s just not that into you but in the long run it’s for the best, (and I believe appreciated). I wish that someone would have told me that in the past.

Post # 10
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I didn’t see the movie, but I read the book.

I do see some “placating” here on the Bee (and have definitely done it in real life when I was younger), but more often on the Bee I see “LEAVE HIM!” posts!

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

@Juliepants:  Yes, when a guy steps out of line, people are often way too quick to jump to “LEAVE HIM”

I feel like I see  it more on the waiting posts, where some of the guys do not seem that into her, but people placate the poster so she waits , and waits, and waits…..

 

@StormyRose:  maybe i was not in the mood for the movie when I saw it, because all my friends liked it.  And I am generally very easily entertained, and I am fine with sappy endings, but for whatever reason I walked out of the theater really despising this one movie!!

Post # 12
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know what you’re talking about in that movie! And I’ve definitely done it in real life, but after watching the movie it really made me think about it. I’m more careful about what I say now. It’s really easy to just tell someone what they want to hear to make them “feel better”, but it really gives them almost false hope, when they should just be moving on already. 

And my brother’s ex-girlfriend was a perfect example of her friends telling her “oh you’re so meant to be” etc. Her friends kept telling her what she wanted to hear.. not the reality of the situation. It really seemed to make her go crazy to be honest. She kept saying things like “but everyone says we’re perfect for each other” and “soon you’re going to realize you’re making a mistake & I’ll be here waiting”. I honestly wanted to smack her friends!

Post # 14
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I read the book many many times, I had to stop making excuses for all the lame-o’s I was with because I had friends that would help me try and ‘read into’ their behavior.  On this site, its almost like 2 extremes, where bees are calling to LEAVE HIM on the Emotional board or make excuses on the Waiting board…but rarely do I see an inbetween.

Now I try to be objective since I’ve read the book so many times, but women will only hear what they want anyway.

Never have I actually encountered one of the ‘exceptions’  I dont think they exist!

Post # 15
Member
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i’ve never seen the movie but wanted to.  is it worth a watch?

Post # 16
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m kind of curious- I never read the book but what would you ladies say are the key indicators for a waiting girl?

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