He's nervous about having a baby with me.

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

I think this is crazy. Only you were taking care of the dog? What about him?

I think he is the one I’d be nervous about having a child with… playing with the child when the child is happy, and handing the child over as soon as crying starts or diaper needs changing.

ETA. don’t know why it was marked as spam, I was replying to the first thread when it got deleted!!!

Post # 4
Member
757 posts
Busy bee

Personally it sounds like you should be nervous about having a child with him, not the other way around!

Post # 5
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

View original reply
itsinthepast :  Yea that was an a-hole comment and mean thing to say. You should definitely call him out on that. I would lay out everything as you have here and ask him whether he plans to sleep through your babies crying too?

Post # 6
Member
10490 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

How long is you have the puppy before rehoming? Did you try any training? Did you and SO sit down and talk about other options/your stress and him helping out more before you decided to rehome? 

Post # 7
Member
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
itsinthepast :  where was he in all this? what was he doing to take care of the puppy? If you are both working full time and yet he expects you to do all the work then he is the one I’d worry about procreating with, not you. What did he do/suggest to avoid re-homing the dog? A puppy is a ton of work but you could have hired a dog walker, taken him to daycare, given him more time to adjust, etc. 

FWIW I do think getting a dog can be a good dry run for having kids. Our pup put us through the wringer and it allowed us to see our shared values, work together, etc. 

Post # 8
Member
5115 posts
Bee Keeper

Frankly I don’t think either of you is a good candidate for parenting. Dogs are work. Kids are work. You don’t sleep.  You adjust your schedule. Everyone can tell you how unkind and horrible  your husband was, but all I’ll say is that he should have helped but didn’t. THAT IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE IF YOU HAVE A CHILD. But he had a point.

 

Post # 9
Member
9878 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why wasn’t he getting up with the puppy at night too?

I mean if I’m being completely honest…yes I’d be a little worried if my husband wanted me to rehome our puppy but wanted a baby instead. Did you talk to a trainer? Vet? Consider a dog walker or doggy daycare? A puppy is definitely good practice for what it’s like with a baby, IMO.

I would also seriously consider if you want to TTC with someone who won’t get up at night or take any responsibility for a dog they specifically wanted. A baby is a lot harder and you need your partner’s support 100%.

Post # 10
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee

You just gotta talk to him about that comment. It takes two to have a puppy and it takes two to have a kid. Equal work, equal responsibility. He wasn’t rushing home on his lunch break to check on the puppy so he can sit down and shut up. You didn’t fail, you passed the test because you were the one getting up in the night, coming home on your lunch etc. HE is the one who failed. And its time you point that out to him and discuss that. Don’t let him try and turn this on you. 

IF you were a stay at home puppy mom i am sure it would have been FINE. He is being overly dramatic about you not being able to handle a child. You can’t be a stay at home puppy mom. Trust me, my boyfriend and I would LOVE to have a dog but realized that a puppy just isn’t workable while we are both working full time. Once we have a child we will get a dog because ill be at home to care for a puppy during that stage. You didn’t fail, you told him it wasn’t a good idea to get a puppy right now and then were prooven right. It happens. There will be a right time to have a puppy and it just isn’t right now. Hugs bee. 

Post # 11
Member
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Also a puppy was probably a terrible way to start off. An older dog that is trained is a better fit for families without someone home all day. 

Post # 12
Member
86 posts
Worker bee

First of all, I want you to know that this happens. People adopt pets and no matter how prepared they feel, sometimes things just don’t line up well. You did exactly the right thing by re-homing him, and it sounds like the family you found for him is ideal. I know it’s impossible not to feel guilty (you’re human, and the best of us are willing to walk over broken glass to protect tiny creatures), but try to console yourself with the fact that he is young enough to adjust and will probably have a very happy life. You were a good fur parent, even for that limited time.

On the subject of your husband, I can understand him being upset and emotional about this decision (it was his idea to bring the puppy home to begin with and he might be feeling very guilty too). It’s possible that he said what he said out of anger and didn’t mean it genuinely. Saying you wouldn’t make a good mother because you couldn’t handle a puppy (it seems to me you COULD handle the puppy, he was the one who couldn’t) is a really cheap shot. These kinds of comments cut deep, especially for women TTC, and I think you guys need to sit down and talk through both of your feelings surrounding this incident. He needs to understand the position he put you in with this decision, not to mention the fact that his involvement in taking care of the puppy was minimal compared to yours. Best to make sure he knows that WILL NOT fly with a human child. Even if you’re staying at home with the infant, it will still be his child. Parenthood is not a part-time job, even when you happen to have another full-time job.

Post # 13
Member
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Adopting a dog is a commitment, not something to “give a shot”. That said, your hubs was the one who wanted the puppy, despite you wanting to wait until you were a Stay-At-Home Mom, yet did little to help care for the poor guy. Trying to juggle a puppy or a baby while working is not the same as trying to do it while staying home, when you at least have the possibility of taking a nap if you’ve been up overnight. He was wrong to push it, wrong to place all of the blame on you when it didn’t work, and an ass to suggest he may no longer want to have a child with you.

Hopefully he’ll realize what an awful thing that was to say and apologize. I’d have a lot of concern about how hands-on he plans to be with a child. 

 

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