He's nervous about having a baby with me.

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

This. sunburn :  

Post # 62
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

First off, I feel like you should feel that way about him as he did not seem to help out at all.

Also, as an experience dog owner who adopts difficult dogs and has worked in careers with animals, sometimes a dog isnt a good fit.  Sometimes it’s the chemistry of the animal and the owners.  Also, adopting a slightly older dog without a lot of the puppy habits can be helpful.  I know this is more about his view of this being “practice” for a baby and there needs to be a conversation had with him about the big picture and his hurtful comment, but dont feel like you failed or could not have a dog in the future.  

Post # 65
Member
94 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry, but what does that mean?

Post # 67
Member
5770 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

echomomm :   happiekrappie :  awww. Thank you. I happily receive both forward and restrained forms of love. 😉

OP I’m sorry that you had to learn this side of your husband after marriage and simultaneously also happy for you that you (hopefully) learned it before making a whole new human with him. Because you are absolutely right – a dog and a baby are very different and if he was like this with a baby animal, I would not want to find out how he would be with a human baby whose needs can be pretty relentless in the first months and years.

If there’s any hope of him getting it together, I hope he does it and pulls his head out of his ass before he’s a divorced dad seeing his kids on alternating weekends and only then realizing how self righteous and hypocritical he was.

Post # 68
Member
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Can people stop adopting pets as a “trial run” for having a baby??? Adopt a pet because you have the time and energy to give to a pet and truly want to open your home to one.  That aside, I would probably be wary with someone who says they want a baby but decided that after 3 weeks having a puppy was too hard.  

Post # 69
Hostess
9546 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

You used the analogy that you WANT a baby and are READY for a baby and that’s the difference with the puppy. 

Your husband WANTED the puppy and was READY for the puppy and look how that turned out. My fear for you is that he says he wants a baby and is ready but he has NO idea what it will be like, and at the first sign of stress he’ll shirk his responsibilities and the brunt of the childrearing will fall on you. And then you’ll find yourself feeling exactly as frustrated and stressed as you did with the puppy.

This situation reflects poorly on both of you. On your ability to work as a team in a stressful situation to train a puppy. On your ability to communicate to your husband that you needed his help with this… On your ability to follow through with caring for something or someone you are both responsible for…

His comment was harsh, but I can see why he said it, but I think it applies equally to him as much as you. 

Post # 70
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

itsinthepast :  After that kind of comment, I’d be getting a pregnancy test and making plans to spend some time apart from him. 

This is the part where you assert yourself and show him you mean business and won’t be treated that way. I bet you his tune changes when you move out and start reconsidering HIM. “Sorry, but I know enough to feel that you’re not the supportive partner I need.” 

Post # 71
Member
1567 posts
Bumble bee

Eeek! Puppies are such hard work and it’s totally normal to be stressed and anxious especially if you’re at work all day with pup at home. I was lucky to go part time when we got our puppy and he was five months, past the crying stage. It was still hard! so unfair of your husband to make those remarks x

Post # 72
Member
740 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

itsinthepast :  “if everyone knew what he knows, everyone would think the same thing”

I’m really sorry he reacted that way. Invoking a silent majority that only exists in his head is just unfair nonsense. I’d be having the same response you are. I think it’s awesome that you’re sticking up for yourself and FX for negative tests.

FWIW from your side of the story, it doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong. You shouldered the main part of researching the puppy he wanted, took on full care of it and got overwhelmed. He did nothing to help you and then blamed you fully when you reasonably decided that it was more than you wanted to handle and responsibly found a good home for the puppy. He’s been dropping the ball all over the place and trying to say it was you. I can promise that a very real very large group of women and moms get it and would not “think the same thing”.

Post # 73
Member
7828 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

throughthelookingglass87 : He did nothing to help you and then blamed you fully when you reasonably decided that it was more than you wanted to handle and responsibly found a good home for the puppy. He’s been dropping the ball all over the place and trying to say it was you. I can promise that a very real very large group of women and moms get it and would not “think the same thing”.

+10000

OP at this point I’d be insisting on counseling. Call his bluff. He thinks others would think the same shitty thing as him? Ok then, get his ass in front of an unbiased professional where you can both tell your side of things, and let the therapist provide their take.

Post # 74
Member
10284 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

KittyYogi :  

For me, taking on the dog handling/training was never about gender.  I am surprised that is not clear.  It falls on me because I am so much better at it.  Dh does what he can in the husbandry (awesome pun) division, ie feeding, scooping, and throwing toys.

But, if we have a puppy, the imprinting work is my responsibility. It’s better for the puppy that way.

The gender argument is a non starter.  Owning, handling, and training working line, European German Shepherds has never been a girl thing.  Especially it a girlie girl thing.  

If your hubs is a true equal partner, he is a genuine keeper and I salute you both.

Post # 75
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sunburn :  I usually agree with you but  I have to say I think for this one you’ve missed the mark. Human and dog babies cannot be compared. The bond and investment is so wildly different. The growth and development both physically and relationship wise is beyond compare… and in this case, OP was not wanting the dog at first. I don’t think it is anyone’s place to judge OP for deciding that this dog at this time was not a good fit. I know a lot of people who say they don’t want a dog b/c its too much work but are great parents. 

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