(Closed) he’s not as committed as I thought…

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
147 posts
Blushing bee

My love and sympathy goes out for you! I have been in that relationship and it sucks. You should let him know that it bothers you in a very blunt, not mean or catty but just let him know that if he doesn’t view you as important enough to be with you on the holidays, the one or two times a year your supposed to be with loved ones then he needs to re-evaluate your relationship. 


Not to be disheartening because it is the holidays, but you may want to reconsider what you want as well. This inconsideration is not acceptable to someone who loves you. 

You do what you need to do and know you have people who will read and support you through whatever! 🙂 

Post # 5
150 posts
Blushing bee

you should definitely sit him down and talk to him about this!

Post # 6
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

oh man that sucks i feel for you ! but one has to wonder what the heck !! what a jerk what kind of bf dosent want to spend the holidays with his gf

there  is no  way he would be thinking about getting engaged if he blatenly dosent want to spend holidays together. i wouyld take some time to think about if he is worth it ?


 dose he have a crazy big family? dose he get on well with ur fam ?


***HUGS ***

Post # 7
316 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m sorry, this would make me very unhappy as well! You’ve told him you want to spend the holidays together, but he’s not inviting you or accepting your invites at all? Has he given a reason? Maybe there’s something weird where he doesn’t feel appropriate unless his family extends the invite, I knew a guy like that once. Either way, it’s not desperate to ask him about it. It’s important to try and spend holidays with the people you love, and you deserve to know where you fit in among those people.

Post # 8
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@hottlips:I totally agree with every word of this!!

Post # 9
335 posts
Helper bee

hold up, are you sure that not giving an invitation could possibly be sparing you? some people dislike spending thanksgiving with their family as it results in arguments and awkwardness, so if that were the case, i can see why he wouldn’t be quick to invite you over.

also, i wouldn’t be terribly offended that he declined your invite, though it would be dissappointing. once again, there could be a few easily understandable reasons, even if he didn’t tell you why. my guesses would be that either he feels obligated to spend it with his family or he feels awkward about intruding on your family time since he’s not yet technically apart of your family.

as for actually telling him you’d like to “spend the holidays” with him, maybe he’s thinking christams/new years? that’s what i’d think of….i guess i don’t really consider thanksgiving to count as part of that, so maybe he doesn’t correlate the two either. on top of that, the holiday season is super important to some and kind of annoying to others. explain how much it would mean to you if he could make time to celebrate the season with you and your/his families. you certainly aren’t desparate, but it seems like you’re taking this much more personally than he probably realizes.

Post # 10
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

sorry this happened 🙁 As others have already said, maybe it’s a good thing you aren’t going to his place for Thanksgiving? Perhaps there’s some family drama going on and he doesn’t want you placed in that situation. Is he really shy around lots of people? Maybe being around so many of your family members scares him a bit. My SO is like that so I can understnad it, never mind the constant nagging him of when he’s going to propose.I would talk to him and tell him how you feel so he has a chance to tell you what’s going on. It may not be as bad as you are thinking.

Post # 10
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I am kind of with Laceywings, but then you are offended because you are offended…

Maybe you want to ask him WHY he doesn’t try to spend it with you?

Post # 11
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Maybe he’s nervous about spending time with your family or maybe he didn’t invite you to spend time with his because he figures you’d prefer to be with yours.  

I would talk to him and find out why he didn’t accept your invite… and perhaps see if he’d be open to the idea of inviting you to his house.

Is he distant in other parts of the relationship?  Commitment is more of a day to day personal thing than being all gung-ho about spending time with family.

Post # 12
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@laceywings: I agree, that could defnitely be part of it. I declined to spend Thanksgiving with my Fiance our first one together (this coming one will be our third) because I felt like I would be unwelcome or out of place amoung his family, even though I was invited. He understood and it wasn’t a big deal.

OP – I think you should talk to him about his reasons for his declining your invitation and not extending one to you.

Post # 13
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@CarolinaCola: Co-signing the last sentence of this reply, OP. You need to talk to him and find out what’s going on. And I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way and that he is making you feel this way… trying to send positive thoughts out to you 🙂

Post # 15
383 posts
Helper bee

I am so sorry, the holidays are supposed to be spent with the one you love (priority over all others, unless you have kids). I’ve struggled with this same thing with my SO during the first couple of years but he has turned it around.

I do think you have every right to feel the way you do. I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family. Maybe when it’s over, it’s time to sit down and re-evaluate where you stand on your relationship. But, I think you already know that.

Again, I’m so sorry and I’m sending cyberspace hugs and good vibes.

The topic ‘he’s not as committed as I thought…’ is closed to new replies.

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