(Closed) he's not attracted to me

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@elletiger:  Oh hun.  That sends a huge red flag to me.  You’re already trying enough to make him attracted to you and he’s just not seeing it.  I’m not seeing where he will ever feel that way about you.  =(

Post # 33
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@weddingnerd:  +1

OP – If your Fiance doesn’t find you attractive, why are you marrying him? If he’s like this towards you BEFORE the wedding (when everything should be sparkly and happy i.e. honeymoon phase), how do you think he’ll act towards you in 10 years? In 20 years? It’s a sad fact that men who marry women that they are not really that attracted to end up having affairs down the road or doing something else that makes the marriage toxic. Look at famous politicians – the patterns are there.

Post # 34
Member
1781 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsNewDay:  Actually, I’d totally disagree with you.  I’ve seen PLENTY of people (both men and women) who get into a settled relationship and just start letting themselves go.  I’ve seen my friends who dressed well, were quite fit and looked like they cared about their appearance go from that to swapping into sweats the minute they got home from work, and half the time looked like they just rolled out of bed on the weekend.  Sorry, but that’s not attractive.  I don’t mean that we should be perfect all the time with hair done and makeup and never gaining an ounce.  But you’ve got to put effort in if you want something back.

Post # 35
Member
1334 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@elletiger:  Err… I’m 5′ 4″ and I weigh the same as you. And even though my BMI says I’m overweight, I don’t really look overweight. If I were to look at you, I probably would think you are an ideal weight!

If he doesn’t find you attractive, please don’t marry him. He seems like a shallow jerk. I gained 55 pounds in a span of 5 months because of stress and my Fiance still treats me like a queen. That should be how your Fiance treats you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this.

Post # 36
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Is this the Fiance you called a little butterball in a previous post?  It sounds like you’ve been working your butt off while he hasn’t made an effort to lose his weight in time for the wedding.  I think this is definitly his issue and not a your issue.

Post # 37
Member
1797 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Even if you could turn supermodel over night…there is the whole aging process.  Is Mr. gonna be able to handle that…cuz I think that’s part of the whole marriage thing.

 

I’d dump any man who put me down…even when it was masked with a compliment like “but I still love you.”  Nope, if I’m not your goddess move outta my way because I am surely someone elses!

Post # 38
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

POSTPONE YOUR WEDDING.

This is a big deal. You need to be compatible on ALL levels. Emotionally and physically. He doesn’t need to be uncontrollably horny every time he sees you naked, but if he isn’t attracted to you, you guys need to slow down and work things out. Sexytime should never define a relationship, but you need to be attracted to each other and be compatible intimately.

 

If you are happy the way you are, to hell with him. He should find you attractive no matter how you look and love you for you. When I first met my Fiance, I wasn’t too attracted to him physically. Now, I’m in love with him and can’t imagine not being attracted. When you love someone, they’re beautiful in your eyes and you overlook all the flaws.

I’m not saying break up. But slow down and deal with this because it might not seem like it but it is a BIG issue that you need to work out before you commit the rest of your life to someone.

 

Post # 39
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

@MrsNewDay:  Massive generalisations about the cheating, there. Would you say a women is going to go off and sleep with other men if her boyfriend gained weight?

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-physically-attracted-are-you-to-your-so-honesty-please#axzz2TBmgFIQW

Post number 31, 32, 55, 71 etc etc. All these girls don’t think their guy is the sexiest beast on the planet – would you tell them to break of their relationships because they’ll no doubt cheat on their partner in a few years?

Post # 40
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Er, I think there’s something wrong with your Fiance – I just took a look at your dress photo and you’re just beautiful! I’d be having a chat with him about this because it’s totally ok to want to better yourself but not because he makes some hurtful comment like that.

Post # 41
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

If he truely loves you he will love you and find you beautiful no matter your weight. I talk to my fiance all the time about how I feel bad that I have gained so much weight recently and if I don’t like how I look it’s hard to see how he can. And he just tells me he loves me and he thinks I am the most beautiful girl in the world no matter what. If I want to lose weight he will support me but he definitely doesn’t care one way or another. (He might push me a bit if I was morbidly obese and it affected my health but that isn’t the case.) So honestly I think your fiance is a jerk and that is a definite red flag. Although I won’t tell you to leave his ass because   I’m sure you love him and it is hard. Just think things through is all I can say.

Post # 42
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Would you have sex with someone you weren’t physically attracted to?

I don’t see why he would either. 

I went back to read some of your other posts and you’re awefully self critical, I’m wondering if all this is comming from you or from him, and my bet would be from him.

Honestly, you’re not gonna be able to change your body to please him becasue he won’t be pleased becasue he isn’t attracted to you and this has nothing do do with weight, since you are no where near fat.

People have differnt tastes in what they find is attractive and a perfectly healthy good looking person is appealing to somone but not someone else.  It is strange that your Fiance has strung you along for this not finding you attractive and he’s also seemed to beat the self-confidence out of you.

Run from this relationship because this isn’t a relationship this is a one way train of you altering yourself to please someone.

You’re gorgeous, (I went back and saw you in your wedding dress) and don’t put up with anyone who tells you you’re not.

Post # 44
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Miss Jackrabbit:  Whoa. No need to get so defensive. I was just stating a pattern that I have myself observed re: politicians and that I would deem it a yellow flag if a guy was with someone he didn’t deem attractive.

Post # 45
Member
1899 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@elletiger:  You haven’t slacked off – you have major priorities right now. While one should try to make time to be healthy, sometimes it’s really not possible especially when you have ft work and grad school. I’m just like you – I fluctuate with weight big time and haven’t had too much of an opportunity to work out like I used to. However, you have to think about how much your Fiance values the before you over the current you. You have school and work as priorities now, but down the road, those priorities will change. Do you want your Fiance to tell you that you’ve been “slacking off” when you have a kid or two and have to work full time while raising the kids (if that’s the path you so choose)? His words seem to be setting the stage for what your future will look like, so just think about that.

Post # 46
Member
656 posts
Busy bee

@MrsNewDay:  not defensive, I just don’t think it’s right to worry OP more by making out that he’ll probably cheat on her – which I doubt she’d even thought about at this point.

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