Post # 17
in response to curly dreamer my daughter does already have a good father. She spends a little over 1/3rd of her time with him and he is very good at taking care of her. If it were up to him, he would take care of her all the time. He loyally pays his child support and fully supports her and we are very lucky. This mainly happened because my ex-bf or bf, whatever you want to call him, wanted me to get full custody and child support so we could “move forward in our lives”. This all was finalized a year and a half ago.
Some things I have to add…
He is 26 and lives in his parents house and has never lived on his own, except for in a dorm room in college. His mother has dinner on the table the moment he gets home from work, she irons his clothes and packs his lunch everyday. Obviously he is very spoiled and has no responsibility right now whatsoever. Last night he admitted that he is spoiled and said he is going to move out of his parents house and live with his friends starting in March. He said he thinks it would be a good thing for him but the same time was saying how easy his life is now and how it would not be then. I think it will be a good thing for him and he will really wake up and smell the roses. Perhaps he will find that he is ready for responsibility and wants to marry and grow up, because face it, how could living with a bunch of guys be that fufilling?
Post # 18
My SO has a cousin that’s been with the same woman for about 13 years, has kids with her, and isn’t married. No one in the family regards their relationship as less valid than the married folks. I’m sure marriage is very important to you, as it is to most people, but you may just have to choose between being the happy unmarried couple or find another guy.
Whatever you do, remember marriage isn’t the most important thing, love and family are.
Post # 19
It sounds like your ex-bf has the right idea. He doesn’t really even know how to take care of himself yet. He still lives at home with his parents..living, eating, and breathing of their dime. He probably doesn’t know much about cooking, shopping, laundry, budgeting, etc b/c by his own admission…he is being spoiled. It may be a good idea to just let it go for a while and continue on with your life. As hard as it may be…when he DOES get out on his own and gets his stuff together, he may decide to go in a different direction with someone new. Despite his age…it sounds like your ex is still very much a child. At least he has enough sense to know it and not play games with you or your child.
Post # 20
Similar to Erin My Fiance wasn’t ready for marriage at the same time as me! We are the same age and I was ready to be married at 24 and it took him until this year 26 to be ready.
He knew he wanted to be with me but just wasn’t married yet! I knew he was the one for me so I waited for him to be ready – was it hard? Hell Yeah! But in the end it was worth every minute!
Everyone is different though so you have to work out with him whether he thinks he will become ready and whether you are willing to wait!
Post # 21
I completely agree with Diva on this one. If he loves you and he couldnt imagine life without you, then he will do WHATEVER it takes to get you back, which means that he has to make a decision/ negotiate the terms of your relationship to… either let you go to find someone who is marriage minded, or propose to you. But dont give up on him just yet. Give it a couple months. If he doesnt come around and propose than, you have lost nothing, its better to know now, than 5 or 10 years from now and still get the same outcome. After 2 1/2 yrs, he knows if youre “the one.” Hope this helps. I also found some comfort in this book called “Why Men Marry Bitches” by Sherry Argov.Its not as hash as the title makes it out to be. Check it out.
Post # 22
@Curly: for me if you want to be with me you want to be a father to my son. Sorry i haven’t been back to respond (and you know i love ya so no snarkiness or argumentativeness stuff here) i don’t see any other way around it. i have a wonderful step dad who never tried to take the place of my dad but is an awesome supplement to my dad. I never try to take the place of M’s kids mom but I think i’m a great supplement. Personally, i could never date anyone seriously that didn’t want to be a father-figure to my son. I just don’t work like that. I want someone that my son can talk to like a dad and a friend if his dad is unavailable or if he doesn’t want to talk to him. That’s just my thing and a HUGE deal breaker to me. My son’s dad is in the picture though not as much as others because I live 10 hours away now. My dad was also always in the picture, and we have a pretty good relationship. I call my stepdad by his first name and my daddy just that, daddy. My son calls M by his first name and his dad, dad or daddy. but he looks to M as a dad and says that he does and think he’s the coolest thing ever (he plays video games with the boys lol)…. i hope that helps….