- 8 years ago
I’m new to these boards. And I’m really shy about sharing my feelings so thought this was a good place to ask for help. Here goes:
I never thought of marriage … until I met my current Boyfriend or Best Friend.
He felt the same way.. until he met me.
Dating for a year… perfect, love every piece of it, he showed signs of major commitment way before me.. a key to his house, says “US” all the time, etc…I touched on the subject of marriage a while ago. He didn’t freak out.. he said “someday.. I know I want to be with you forever”
Recently everyone’s been asking asking asking if I’m engaged. I’m not freaking out about NOT being engaged.. until it’s overbearing from these other people. I’m 34, he’s 33. my younger siblings are married.
I start asking him more seriously about getting married and went as far as giving the dumb 3 yr ultimatum (why? Because dumb me read it on a blog.. give him an ultimatum!!! Yah right that works). Big mistake. He went from saying “someday” and “marriage will come real soon! I won’t let you down”
“I’m not ready for marriage.. I don’t know if I ever will be. So if that’s something YOU want.. we don’t belong together”
Literally that same night we saw a band and he said out of the blue “can this band play at our wedding?”
A week later he had showed me a ring he had bookmarked… again, out of the blue.
Last night it got worse.. I told him I was confused by him saying one thing and then another and that I DO want to get married someday. He said he needed to think about our relationship and if we should even be together if that’s what i definitely wanted and he wasn’t sure of… that we might have to break up. I asked him why he said those things…band, ring.
He said… “I think subconsciously I said it because I felt pressured by you” and “I was just being stupid”
I don’t understand.
We resolved it by me apologizing this morning and saying I just want to be with him forever… start our life together.. (I’m moving there in july).. and I didn’t mean to give him an ultimatum, that I would never break up w/him just because we weren’t married. And now it’s fine… but I’m not allowed to talk about marriage and he said if I ever do.. it won’t be pretty. He admitted THAT was an ultimatum.
I know I should just “go with the flow” and enjoy what we have… and not destroy it… but it hurts. i was just getting excited about talking about it because he’s the one that started talking about the little things “i know what we should do for our save the dates” etc. HE did.
I don’t get it… now I’m so confused as to what changed and why he said “i was just being stupid” about asking if a band could play at our wedding that i’m not allowed to talk about and may never happen.
I don’t have many girl friends to talk to … at all… and figured this was a good place to NOT talk about it w/my Boyfriend or Best Friend and still feel better about it from some girl (or guy!) advice. thank you in advance.
(sorry this is so long!)