(Closed) He's said one thing, and is acting another way. Any hope for reconciliation?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I’m sorry Bee this sounds awful. However, it’s really just a part of being in your early twenties. He needs to grow up and become a full fledged adult and it seems by staying in the relationship that isn’t happening. In relationships you really can’t “go backward” I think that the two of you may be better off breaking up and spending time on your own. If it’s meant to be, you’ll be able to work it out.

Post # 3
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I disagree! Yes you can go backwards but it would be wise OP to have some more individual counseling sessions to deal with the changes and heal. Going backwards also has a chance of working out if neither of you nag, complain or bring up past hurts in a mean way when arguing. Good luck Bee! You’re young and have nothing to lose by giving things a chance on a new basis with him.

Post # 4
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I think you can dial a relationship back, but it would have to be equal: OP, you won’t feel happy just sitting in limbo and stagnating while your now-ex-BF goes out with his buddies and explores his freedom. Besides, my personal experience and instincts tell me that men don’t just break up with their girlfriends in order to spend more time with their male friends. It is possible that his eager, over-solicitous behaviour toward you right now is out of guilt. I suppose this might sound cold, but if I were you, OP, I would be very careful not to assume his current behaviour stems only from love and devotion, because that could make things very painful for you if, 3 weeks from now, his attentive behaviour suddenly stops, and you hear he’s been hanging around with a new woman.

I would recommend taking a full break and agreeing to be un-attached and to see other people, but to continue seeing each other on a casual basis if you both agree you want to do so.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by  ohnatto.
Post # 5
836 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the full break. He has put you through so much right now my head is spinning. He wasn’t communicating and acted like he wanted to have you be the one breaking up with him. It’s going to hurt, but it would be best for you to not live in limbo with him controlling your life. Best of luck :/

Post # 7
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
notoriousanonymous:  you have a good head on your shoulder. Keep us posted please.

Post # 8
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Oh dear. This is a sad story.

You really cannot go backwards. In fact, it’s impossible to go backwards. Unless you’re mates with Emmet Brown or The Doctor, it can’t happen.

I say give yourself a rest OP. It sounds like you need one. He can’t have his cake and eat. Either have a clean break or be together. If you’re going to heal then it’ll be without him. The way you feel right now isn’t fair. Look after yourself.

Post # 9
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sugar coat it all you want but he’s simply trying to have his cake and eat it too. As a PP said, it’s rarely just about hanging with his buddies. He’s keeping his options open while keeping you emotionally invested. He may tell himself he has more honorable selfless intentions but that is what it is in all likelihood. I would be the same way in my 20s honestly. I wasn’t ready for super serious at that age either, but he should be completely honest with you about that. You should absolutely demand space. If he’s going to disappear for lack of contact with you, then they weren’t terribly strong feelings to begin with.

Post # 11
11348 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t like what your counselor said at all.  It’s weird that she em’d you like that.  She’s encouraging you to initiate physical contact with this guy–crazy.

I like what Sept22insf had to say much better.  She nailed it.

Initiating contact is the last thing I’d be doing in your situation–it’s only going to leave you more hurt & confused.  

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