- 10 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
DH and I have split housework pretty evenly as far as I can tell. I don’t feel like I do more than half of the day to day upkeep.
What works better for us is to have “his chores” and “her chores” – rather than each doing 50% of every individual chore. If someone is more uptight about the way a certain chore gets done – then it becomes their chore. In my house, DH cares way more about not letting dishes pile up in the sink, so he’s the one who does dishes 90% of the time. I am afraid of letting him do laundry and sort properly, so I’m the one who does it. Of course, the other person can pitch in and help out with chores that aren’t theirs if the other is having a busy week at work, or just feels like it, or whatever.
This way, it is totally clear whose “job it is” to do something without having to refer to a chart or have a discussion (aka nag each other).
I feel it is kind of BS that he’s auditioning you for marriage, so to speak. I hope you can take back some of the power. Maybe YOU don’t want to marry HIM unless he stops acting like a d-bag about the chores! Ideally, the two of you would find a compromise. It’s not that YOU need to live up to his ideal of cleanliness and order. The two of you need to find a happy place that’s a little neater than you would want, and a little messier than he would want.