Post # 1
hello everyone! i’ve been a long time lurker of the boards and finally decided to make an account! i actually need to vent/need some advice and don’t really have anyone else to lean on…
Today is mine and my boyfriends 4 year anniversary. should be exciting right? wrong. about a week ago i asked him if he wanted to go to dinner tonight before he goes to his normal thursday night activity. he said of course. so i’ve been waiting to finally spend some time with him all week! well last night we were at his sisters house to watch the bulls game and i mentioned to her that today is our anniversary. she asked what we were going to do and i said “nothing much. just going to dinner before he goes out.” which im 100% ok with. my bf overheard this and responded “im not going to dinner i have more important things to do” at this point my heart dropped. i just shrugged it off and kept my composer until we left. i didnt wanna start an argument there. after we left, i asked him if he really meant that he has “more important” things to do. he kinda paused for a min and then realized that today is our anniversary. he told me he has to finish fixing his car and then we would go out to dinner and if that meant he couldnt go out later then he wouldnt. he just wanted me to be happy. i was so excited. well then today happened. he woke up, went outside to work on his car right away, and at lunch time came inside and asked me to go pick up some lunch. i asked him what he wanted to eat and we shouldn’t eat too much if we were going to dinner tonight. he acted like this was something new and told me that he didnt have time to go to dinner. that he was going to be working on his car until about 6pm, come in to shower, and go do his normal thursday night. at this point i lost it. i didnt want to fight with him but im just sooo sick of the flip-flopping. i feel like EVERYTHING else comes before me/our relationship. i love him with all of my heart and i want to feel like he feels the same way. he told me that me and him r different and that if i did something every week, and our anniversary fell on that day, that he would go with me. sounds great but i don’t know anyone there and none of my friends can come with me because they aren’t of age yet. then he kept saying “u should know this is how i am by now. and if u don’t like it u can pack ur stuff and leave” what?! i dont even know what to say to him. i was mad because i want to spend time WITH him! and he tells me to leave?? on our anniversary??! idk.. everytime we get in an argument he tells me to leave. its like he doesn’t even listen to what im saying.. and just listens for when i stop talking to tell me to leave. i know he doesn’t mean it but it still hurts when he says it… right now hes outside working on the car and im inside confused on if i should get ready and leave for the night.. or get ready to spend the night with him.
sorry for the long post. i just needed to vent and i feel better now to have gotten that out!
Post # 3
@xXxInnOcEnTxKiSs: Honestly, I would get ready, leave, and go enjoy the night myself. Obviously he doesn’t seem interested. I’m sorry you have to go through this though. 🙁
Post # 4
The whole “this is me and if you don’t like it you can leave” line is so immature. I would take him up on his offer and move the hell out.
Post # 5
Are you two young? He sounds very immature. If he is older (25+) then I’d seriously reconsider your relationship and move on with your life, if need be. Significant others do not need to spend every waking minutes together, in fact that is really unhealthy but on your Anniversary, seriously? And he has more “important” things to do? Wow. I agree with @MissPumpkinPie – go out and enjoy yourself!
Post # 6
Honestly, sounds like maybe you should pack your stuff and leave. Even if it’s just overnight or for a couple days… sounds like Mr. Man needs a wake-up call.
As for tonight, get ready and go out without him. I’m sorry he’s being a butt. 🙁
Post # 7
I so agree with the other girls. If he kept telling me to leave, this would be the last time he told me that.
Post # 8
im 21 and he is 22 almost 23. after i re-read it, it sounds like i want to be with him every second. but thats def not the case! he works full time and goes to school full time and i work part/full time depending on the week. this week is his spring break so i figured we could AT LEAST see each other tonight. i agree he has alot of growing up to do and maybe he needs time apart to do that. its just soooo hard to leave when we’ve been together since i was 17. i called my best friend and she said she’d be my date for the night so i think im going to take her up on that offer. she’s just soo sick of hearing me talk about him =/
Post # 9
I’m sorry for your pain. I’ve been there. Sooner or later you will realize that when a man is really the right one for you he won’t be selfish, rude or put anything or anyone else above you. He will really care about your feelings and enjoy spending time with you – you won’t have to try to coerce him into it, let alone on an anniversary. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. It sounds like he takes you for granted. You deserve better. Oh, and that comment about “If you don’t like it, you can leave.” Umm, I’d be packed and out the door in less than an hour. There really are some great men out there. You’ve been with him since you were 17. Maybe it’s time to check out the other fish in the sea.
Post # 10
I let my relationships get one free-pass on some of the no-nos. If my partner said “okay, leave!” I would tell him (after he calmed down) that telling me to leave is ridiculously inappropriate and if he ever did it again, I would take him up on his offer.
Post # 11
He sounds very immature. And you have every right to be upset. This is one of the few days a year he should make the effort to spend time with you.
Post # 12
@xXxInnOcEnTxKiSs: The fact that your best friend is sick of hearing you complain about your boyfriend sounds like a problem to me. You yourself said you weren’t trying to be around him every second, so why can’t he make a small sacrifice for something that should be special for both of you? In fact, spending time with you on your anniversary shouldn’t even *be* a sacrifice. Take him up on his offer. If it’s meant to be, you’ll figure it out. If it’s not, you’ll be glad you got out sooner rather than later. You’re young, things will work out for you, I know it.
Post # 13
thanks everyone for telling me what i need to hear. the last thing i expected was having to deal with this today of all days. but im getting ready to enjoy my night without him. i don’t NEED him to be happy =]