(Closed) Hey Ladies

posted 7 years ago in 40 Something
Post # 3
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think like you do, and yes I think alot of it is our age.  We were just raised differently, I think this says it all, LOL.

If you were raised on bologna, drank coke, played in the dirt, got your butt spanked, had 3 TV channels and an outside antenna, school started with “The Pledge”, had a bedtime, rode in back of pickup trucks, recorded songs from the radio using cassette tapes, drank from a hose, played in the creek, rode bikes all day without a helmet, said sir and ma’am…….. And you still turned out ok, 

Post # 4
Member
1390 posts
Bumble bee

Well. I am a few days shy of 29 but I don’t disagree with either of you ladies. For what it’s worth, I also ate bologna, drank coke, played in dirt, rode bikes all day sans helmets, started school with the the pledge and made many a mix tape by recordring the radio!

Anyway, to the OP it is definitely rude and not okay to RSVP yes and then not show up. It’s rude to be invited and not send a gift if you’re unable to attend. It’s rude to not RSVP and then show up. And it is extremely rude to add a guest when the words ‘and guest’ were not included on your invitation. You can absolutely call them out on that. It is considered acceptable to call them and personally tell them that unfortunately the venue cannot hold additional guests. I know I probably wouldn’t be ballsy enough to do it, but you can and you should if it’s going to push you over on budget!

I have encountered a lot of rude behavior though with girls I know and honestly I startles me what people think is okay. My sister-in-law only sent us an wedding invite after we asked her for one and it didn’t have my name on it. After her bridal and baby showers to which I sent gifts (they live two states away) I got a ‘thank you’ via Facebook. NOT OKAY. After the wedding which we were both in and to which we brought a gift, nothing. No thank you. I have never gotten a single thank you out of her. Makes me want to scream.

Post # 5
Member
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Ms. Gertie:  I definitely can relate to your post, as well.

I also am in my 40s and was married for the first time a little over two-and-a-half years ago.  At that point, I had never even HEARD of a bride wearing shoes that were a different color than her gown. I was unaware that weddings had “themes,” as I had never attended one that did. I didn’t know engaged couples commissioned these incredibly gorgeous, outdoor, photojournalistic e-pic shoots. (I do wish DH and I would have done THAT, lol!) I had never even seen a real bride in a “fit and flare” wedding gown (I SO wish I had tried on one of those!)

I was horrified when I created a wedding website on theknot.com only to discover that (GASP!!) the registry section could NOT be disconnected or deleted, even after I e-mailed the tech people and asked them to remove the links from our site. (And, if a couple had already registered for gifts, which we had done, there was NO WAY to keep people from seeing this information on our wedding website. Today, couples are writing “poems” to tell you that they have wishing wells for cash… Brides having multiple changes of dresses on their wedding days, “Day After” shoots, the concept of providing “gift bags” to out of town guests, “DIY” invitations … none of that was popular when most of our friends were marrying in their 20s and even 30s.

It definitely has become a very different world now. I think some of the changes (such as some of the artistic ones) are great, and others, such as the steep declines in morality and adherence to traditional etiquette, are not positive.

Post # 6
Member
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@tksjewelry:  Love that! I did most of those things, too! 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think it’s an age thing. Cash gifts at weddings is cultural: Greeks & Italians, for example, only give cash.

Mr Rugbee & I are 25 & 22 respectively and most of our guests were our age: Out of our 125 guests, we only had 1 wedding crasher, 1 (crazy) girl try to invite herself (which I swiftly declined) and the only people that RSVPed but did not end up attending were +1’s & 1 family, all of which encountered medically related situations (so it was COMPLETELY understandable!!).

Don’t blame the younger generation: Some people just aren’t classy!

Post # 10
Member
14494 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Ms. Gertie:  I never did a registry, I mentioned a registry in front of my Great Aunt and I got one of those eyebrow raises and a “You have your grandmothers china, I see no reason for you to register for more”  That was her way of telling me “I don’t think so chica”

Post # 12
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Ms. Gertie:  Traditions are nice, but you can only impose them on others so much. I had a bunch of friends from both sides that did not give us anything: While I would never go to a wedding empty-handed, I know it was outside of many of their means or they simply didn’t know (some people are clueless…).

It sounds to me from your story, that that’s more of a communication problem regarding your new group of guests , than a ‘Those darned rude kids’ one. I’d talk to your husband about setting boundaries: Weddings are expensive!

Post # 14
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

LOL i made sure my RSVP’s said the number of seats for their party… 

RSVPing and not attending is definitely rude (some people!!)

and if people want money for a persent I don’t really care – however I would never do money for christmas presents drives me nuts!! 

edit: oops! im in the 20-somethings 🙂 at least were not all bad haha
 

Post # 15
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it’s an age thing, I think it’s more of an etiquette thing.  I was raised with Emily Post, and even though I’m 24, I feel like I get chewed out on some of the boards for suggesting things aren’t 100% okay in the etiquette/tact department.  RSVPing and not showing up is not okay, regardless of what age you are.  Same for RSVPing for guests who plainly were not invited. 

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