- Miss JoelsBee
- 8 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
…this one’s mine!
…that is all.
…this one’s mine!
…that is all.
I feel ya!! Hang in there!!
Could you find something you don’t care too much about to put your mom in charge of so she feels like she’s doing something and in charge? My mom threw us an engagement party and put all of her energy into that.
sorry, i guess i should tell you why i’m annoyed right now.
my fiance and i are on a super tight budget, but even if we weren’t we’d be planning our wedding pretty much the same because we’re pretty unfancy people. here’s what we talked about and what we genuinely want:
-we want to have our wedding at my best friend’s farm (her wedding gift to us) where we have had so many good times and it’s a beautiful and sentimental spot for us that also happens to be smack in the middle of where my parents live and where his parents live…
-we want to make all our own food for the wedding (pretty much everything about our wedding is going to be homemade because we are creative people who enjoy doing stuff like this)
-we’re musicians so naturally we know tonnes of other musical people and so our friends will be our band
-the only expenses we REALLY have are our rings (plain gold bands and my engagement ring was $200 (and i love it <3)), dress, renting a tent and chairs, and we want to splurge and get a real photographer.
sorry this is so long!!
anyway, when we told my mom we were engaged she said “Oh.I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant” and I said “no…just engaged” and she said “well the real committment is a baby. you can undo a wedding but not a baby” <— WTF??!?!
she hasn’t been excited at all about the fact that her only daughter is getting married, in fact she makes me feel like a retarded materialist whore for being excited about my own $1000 wedding! THEN just now i get an e-mail from her titled “wedding suggestions” and clearly she has spent the morning on the internet planning my wedding in the way that she feels will be the least amount of effort for her (even though we haven’t asked her to do anything) and every suggestion of hers is like…the opposite of our plan/style.
she wants us to rent a venue…wait, i’ll c/p some of it for you:”Would it not be nice to just organise the wedding as a “package” and sit back and enjoy it?” also “somewhere a little closer to Ottawa?” <– the farm is 2 hours away and they are too lazy to drive there. instead apparently my fiance’s family should drive double the distance to accomodate their laziness.
OK I’M DONE! SORRY ABOUT THIS TURNING INTO A MASSIVE RANT!!!!!
No worries, my mom is acting similarly, and it’s too the point i want to un-invite her. Definitely I found that projects (even small ones that don’t matter at all, like i had her look for venues for me even though i already knew where i wanted it) made her feel important and like she was doing something.. Now my sister and I are trying to come up with a big one she can do on wedding day, like maybe hand shape ice cubes or something?
i don’t think her wanting to do things is the problem…she’s just not excited about it and thinks it’s too much to ask her to drive 2 hours for my unimportant event. i think if i asked her to do something, anything, she would act like i’m being a demanding drama queen who wants people to pay attention to me. seriously. she already tried to make me feel stupid for liking my $200 engagement ring. she didn’t get an engagement ring because apparently she ‘transcended material things, didn’t need a ring because material things are unimportant to her’ (yeah, right. she just bought a 41 inch tv, etc).
I think we all need to make a pact and agree that if we were to have daughters in the future, they won’t be posting about us taking over their day!
@MissJoelsBee Your ideas sound wonderful and maybe your mom is just excited to look things up. I think one of the joys of wedding planning is that everyone around you has suggestions and ways that you need to do things. I listen to ideas because, well, you never know but then ultimately keep your vision for your day! Since I have been engaged, my computer skill lacking mother has learned to “Google” and now has my poor father email me everything she found, including wedding dresses when I already have one.
Enjoy your engagement and don’t let your mom get to you. Good Luck!
wow… just… wow. I’m actually GLAD my mom isn’t interested in ANYTHING wedding related!
(ok, not true, she’s been known to drone on and on about how she didn’t have a wedding and went to the JoP and SHE is still married. Right, Mom… what about the fact you LEFT HIM when I was in middle school for a few weeks and the fact he’s had multiple affairs and everyone is still scratching their heads about why he didn’t leave you when I turned 18! Yes, I HAVE been told that, to my face about my father!)
anywhos, I’m so, SOOOO sorry you ladies are have a rough time! I’d just smile and nod (think of the penguins from Madagascar “smile and wave, boys. Smile and wave!”) and then ignore all the “helpful” suggestions!
Oh, and I HAVE a daughter and we’re already dreading what she’ll end up wanting, lol. hopefully her diva-ish attitude will go bye-bye by then, lol. otherwise, ummmmm… me thinks she’d better marry a rich guy who can afford the 30k+ wedding (I know, I know, I’m exaggerating here! LOL!) Regardless of what kind of wedding she wants, it’s gonna be up to her to decide everything.
I’ve always thought the kids should be independant and make their own decisions. And what they choose, they have to live with, good or bad. (And yes, I try to encourage the good decisions.) So why would I change that for their eventual weddings? (I have a 7 year old son, and a step-son-to-be who’s 19)
good luck ladies!!!!
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