(Closed) HEY! Turn on the lights in here!

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I say keep mum.  You don’t know, he could have the letter rough drafted or what not.  Maybe his reminder is to remember to give it to you at that time.  It’s only been a week.  Give it a little more time.  He might be having a hard time collecting his thoughs.  Hang in there!

Post # 4
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Can I ask why you decided to write a letter rather than talk about in person? Lot harder to blow someone off like this when they’re right in front of you… Of course, it’s not good that he’s blowing you off in the 1st place, but that’s another issue….

Post # 6
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

@raye9289:  I see. Probably not how I would go about it but that makes sense. So now he HAS had a heads up and time to collect his thoughts…. why don’t you just talk to him about it?

Post # 7
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

I know it is hard but try to wait for the letter.  I agree that it may not be that he is procrastinating – he may be thinking.

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Seconding Molly.

This isn’t letter material. He shouldn’t need a heads up. And even if you do write a letter, he shouldn’t need a week to respond to it. If it was important to him, he would have taken the time to read it within 24 hours of receiving it.

It’s time to take the bull by the horns, man up, and do it in person. Writing a letter comes across like it isn’t a big deal to you. Especially since you live together.

Post # 9
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know it’s not what you want to hear, but I agree with waiting for the letter.  I would want to say something because I’m an incredibly impatient person, but I don’t think it would work to your advantage in this case.  Now, if it gets to a month and you haven’t heard anything, I would definitely confront him (casually).

If you need to talk about it, we’re here for you!

 

Post # 10
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ohmybears48:   This. 

OP:  Talk to him.  He’s had plenty of time to think about what you wrote in your letter. 

He may have trouble expressing himself in writing, so tell him you’re letting him off the hook with the “response letter,” and go ahead and have this conversation already.  Then you’ll really know where his head is regarding whether or not he intends to propose any time soon.

Post # 12
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you will get a letter soon.  I think he is taking his time in writing because he wants to make it a great letter for you and is probably wanting to write down exactly how he feels in a very special way.  I don’t think he will be taking much more time to get it ready and give it to you.  Just wait it out-a little bit longer.  He may just surprise you with what he writes!

Post # 14
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@raye9289:   Yes, I think that sounds perfect.  Maybe he has started on the letter and is working on it, but either way you can still talk.  It will probably be a big relief to you.  I’m not a patient person, at all, I’d be going nuts by now, lol.

((HUGS))  I hope it all goes well for you.  Please keep us updated.

Post # 15
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014

OP: I am so sorry things are going the way they are!  You wanted to open up the lines of communication regarding your future together and instead of taking the queue and having a conversation, he’s instead going to respond in writing?  It’s like exactly the opposite of what you were trying to accomplish.  I think he might not know how to respond; maybe he doesn’t feel ready to have the “intentions” talk, which is why you’re not seeing a rough draft.  I think if I were in your shoes and it had been a week, I would sit down with him and tell him exactly how I felt.  Relationships come down to communication.  You have to be able to talk about this subject openly and honestly as a couple.  If he shuts it down, then you know he’s not ready to move forward to the next step of the relationship.  My now Fiance and I moved in together after dating for a year and I started getting asked by family, friends, and co-workers when we were going to get engaged/married.  I know the pressue you speak of!  I felt it, too.  And my man just wasn’t bringing it up at all.  We had a frank talk one day where I asked him if it was on his “horizon” and he told me that it was, but it was still kind of a vague and open-ended conversation.  I didn’t feel amazeballs when we finished talking but I also didn’t want to freak him out or make him feel pressured to pop the q.  However, I realized a few days later that if I truly felt that he was the man I would marry, then I had to be honest in telling him how I felt and not do the whole “don’t want to pressure you or anything…but…” girl thing.  So we talked about it again and I told him I honestly didn’t feel better after conversation #1 because he didn’t seem like he wanted to really talk about specifics.  The 2nd chat went much better and I did feel like I got him to be more open about it and I certainly felt better.  After that talk, we both felt comfortable talking about future marriage plans.  Give your Boyfriend or Best Friend a little bit more time to come through on his promise of responding to you in a letter.  If you start to feel upset or stressed because it’s been over a week, you should tell him straight out in person how you feel.  I am wishing you the absolute best and hoping you guys are able to start talking about your future openly very. very soon.  Keep us posted!

Post # 16
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Hmm I would just slow down before you say anything. If I was you, yes I would be mad that he hadnt replied yet and would be upset about it. But he has said to you “do you trust me” and hinted that you  need to wait. You are seeing signs of inaction, but maybe he is mulling it over in his head.

Why don’t you take some time this weekend to do something you want to do, without him, so you can get some space.

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