Post # 1
That was the text I got from my sister’s fiance yesterday, whose wedding is in three weeks. My husband and I got married last December and our other sister just got married in May. They are also having a traditional Catholic mass. My husband and I were very particular about the hymns we chose and had been talking about them before we got engaged. Is it wrong to not want them to use the same hymns? I am not sure how to answer his text. My husband thought it was a rude question. There are so many beautiful hymns–shouldn’t they reflect what is special to them?
Post # 2
Maybe they really liked the hymns you chose? Honestly, I don’t think its a big deal. Its 3 weeks to her wedding, she probably has a lot of details to iron out and thought she would save some time and energy by asking you instead of having to take the time to research specific hymns. I don’t think its rude at all to ask. I think it would be a kind gesture to provide her that information because honestly – she could end up using them anyways, it will just take her a lot more time and work to get there. She probably has a lot on her plate, so I would cut her some slack and maybe provide her at least some of the songs you used
Post # 3
vanessa7: I don’t think it’s a rude question. Some things about weddings are very important to some couples and not to others. My fiance and I are Catholic and I can’t say we have any hymns that are particularly special to us. Also, it’s possible he was asking so they don’t pick the same songs! Rather than assuming their intention I would call your sister and talk to her to get more info. If they wanted to use the same music, you might gently suggest they reflect on it as you spent time picking songs that were meaningful to you. But ultimately if they do in fact want to use the same hymns, there’s really nothing you can (or should try) to do about it. And honestly, unless the songs were super unique, there’s no way I would remember that the same hymns were used at two weddings.
Post # 4
You could always ask “which ones in particular? We picked certain songs based on certian things. Can I help with some suggestions to fit what you’re looking for?”
Three weeks out, they’re probably starting to panic. Throw them a bone at least.
Post # 5
vanessa7: I’ve avoided sharing some songs – but at the same time, most of the songs we used were so specific to us that I don’t think other people would want to use them (Exception being ‘All of Me’ by John Legend).
Talk to her and maybe offer to help her find music if you don’t want her copying you.
Post # 6
100% No one will notice but you and at least you used them first. Tell your sis some recommendations at least
Post # 7
I don’t think it’s a rude question. Unless you wrote the hymns yourself, don’t think you can ask that everyone else in the family avoid them. Epecially because there are some hymns that are great for weddings and commonly used. And, honestly, I doubt any of your guests would notice if they used the same songs because people don’t really notice/remember that sort of thing. Personally, I’d just tell them and take it as a compliment if they choose some of the same songs.
Post # 8
No one it a going to remember what hymns you used. I would find it kind of off putting if my Future Sister-In-Law refused to tell me what hymns were used. I don’t find out to be a rude question at all. Perhaps you can at least offer to help them find hymns if you won’t tell them what you used.
Post # 9
vanessa7: i don’t think its a big deal, and its not rude at all. if anything you should be flattered that they would want to use your songs. Furthermore, you are probably not the only people to use those hymns.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I get how you’re feeling, but it’s true that actually nobody cares but you. And your sister’s fiance, lol.
I’d tell them one or two songs. If they keep bugging you I think you’re safe to say, laughing, “Hey dude, you can’t have our whole playlist, ha ha.” Hopefully he’ll see how lazy he’s being.
Post # 11
vanessa7: We didn’t have hymns at our wedding but we did have two readings that were very special to us. I would feel a little strange if the same ones were done at my sister’s wedding too.
Maybe you could tell him one or direct him to a post/blog/site which names a bunch of hymns that would be nice at a wedding? I know when I was looking for readings, there were lots of sites that listed a bunch of readings that are relevant to weddings.
Post # 12
I realize that they weren’t “our hymns” and that guests won’t care, but it is just annoying whenever we chose our hymns and readings very carefully and deliberately.
I think directing him to a website with hymns might be the best idea.
Post # 13
vanessa7: Seriously? I don’t find his question even the least bit rude. As much effort and thought you put into your hymns, no one will remember them if they are played at your sister’s wedding. I find it rude you don’t want to answer him. If you feel so strongly about it, give him one or two, but stress the importance of selecting the hymns together.
Post # 14
Turns out they were able to pick hymns with their music director….