(Closed) His 2nd wedding, my first

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
484 posts
Helper bee

I would speak to your Fiance about it and not your Future Mother-In-Law. If I were in your position it would bother to me too, but it’s not your album to throw away. Talk to him and see what his thoughts are. It’s for him to decide whether to keep them or not. If he keeps them, maybe put them somewhere where you can’t see them?

When my SO and I moved in together we agreed to not keep pictures of exes, so we got rid of them. None of us were married before though, so it’s a slightly different situation.

Post # 18
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

DH was married before and I was not.  He has been divorced for like 10 years and his ex actually passed away right before we met.  I new all this right from the start and it never bothered me.  We are even veryt close with his ex in-laws, so much so that we visit them in FL and are actually closer to them than his parents.  DH still has the pics from his first wedding in his “man closet,” but I don’t care.  I don’t understand why he keeps them, I would have tossed them years ago.  Important thing to keep in mind is that he is marrying you NOW and those are just pictures so who cares? 

Post # 19
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@bRooklynRocks: I’m wondering the same thing. Why do you have to speak with him or her Future Mother-In-Law about the pictures? You should definitely speak with him about any questions or concerns you have about his previous marriage, but I don’t think the photos are a problem.

Post # 20
2153 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Fiance was once married before too, so I’ve been there. To be honest, I don’t really feel like I have a say in what pictures my in-laws keep around so long as they aren’t in plain sight. My Future Mother-In-Law lives with us and up until a year ago she still have pictures of her son and his ex on the walls in her bedroom. But it’s her bedroom and I never said anything about it. But someone must have said something to her…maybe her daughter because she took them down eventually. But I know she just likes the pictures because she doesn’t have many pictures of her son. 

I know it feels ucky though…I ran across a photo album when I first moved in with Fiance…to be honest I was sorta snooping and right when I opened it I felt sick. It was a pic of his ex posing her her pajamas. I slammed it shut and vowed to never look through his old albums again! LOL. He eventually put all his old pics of her deep in some boxes in the garage and I think his mom burried hers deep in her closet…and I suppose that’s where they will remain. I don’t care if he never throws them out…she was his HS sweetheart afterall, I just dont’ want to look at them! =)

Dont’ say anything…that’s my advice. Youd ont’ have to look at them now that you know they are there. he’s all urs and the photos dont’ change that.

Post # 21
357 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

That sucks you had to see those, I would hate that. I guess I would expect my Fiance to ask his parents to get rid of them, it’s just uncomfortable for everyone. 

Post # 22
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t see a problem with the pictures.  My Fiance has been married twice before and his brother has been married I think 3 times before.  When we go to my FMIL’s house it has pictures of my Fiance and his first wife and the kids and pictures of Future Brother-In-Law with each individual wife when they were together and their kids.

I was even looking through an album and there were pics of my Fiance with his old highschool girlfriend, college girlfriends.  Some of them look so funny to me.  You can’t erase the past.  I can’t even imagine how you would start a conversation with your Future Mother-In-Law about pictures or albums in her house.

I say just leave it alone.

Post # 23
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am in the same situation, and my Fiance removed all photos of his ex, except for a few of her and his son as a baby, and a couple from the wedding with his son, for him when he gets older.  He gave them all to her when they split.  But his family didn’t like her at all, and they are all very disfunctional, so no one kept photos.

But i sure do know that sick, gut punched feeling, and I told him about it, so it was his choice to remove the pictures.

I think you should tell your Fiance how it makes you feel and leave it at that, let him tell his mom if he chooses, or not at his own disrection.

I don’t think you are over reacting, and I think you have a right to feel upset seeing them.  We all know they have a history, but we sure don’t need it slapped into our face!  But that’s just me.

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