(Closed) Hi Fellow Bee's! (1st Post not the happiest but need to vent!)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly I think it’s nonsense that your brother wouldn’t come to your wedding because his wife’s birthday was the DAY BEFORE. It is unfathomable to me that he would ask you to change your date because of that, as well.

I think you’ve gone above and beyond to try and accomodate them, but with such a weak excuse, it’s possible you’re not going to be able to please them because they don’t want to be pleased. πŸ™

 

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think he is using the birthday as an excuse not to come. I mean COME ON it’s a BIRTHDAY! You get one per year but only 1 wedding (hopefully) per lifetime. My friend panned her wedding for my birthday and I did not care at all because it is her WEDDING. And your wedding isn’t even on her actual birthday!!! Sorry but I think he is just looking for a justification to not come.

Just stick to your plan and if he chooses not to come then it is on him. Congratulations on finding the perfect venue! Enjoy planning and best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

This sucks, and he has already admitted to you that it’s not really about the date. He is being a jerk. Hopeflly other family members can talk to him. If it’s really important work on relationship, and tell help him make arrangements for the first half the day or friday for his wife. I hope he just being a jerk and actually shows up day of. I feel bad for people, and am grateful that I am close to my brothers. I do know a lot of people who don’t speak to siblings unless they have too. It’s sad but eventually sometimes if someome refuses to have a relationship with you or are being toxic then that what you have to do.

Post # 6
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agreed that he is being a jerk.

Post # 7
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree with the previous posters. You have gone way out of your way to accommodate him, and if it still doesn’t work because of his wife’s birthday, then you need to plug on ahead with your wedding planning and not worry about it. There will probably be other people who you care about who can’t make it either, I think that happens to most brides, but if you accept that and are OK with the people know are confident will make it, everything will turn out ok. I’m excited to hear about your wedding planning, your venue sounds great and I love your story of how you cut  down the catering costs! We’re working with a family-run business at our venue too, and they are suuuuuper friendly and accommdating, and they also guaranteed us that there would only be one wedding our weekend. That’s such a relief, and should save you some stress. Happy planning!

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think your brother is acting quite childish.  I could see a 14-year-old being upset over a wedding the day after their birthday but a grown man being upset over his own sister’s wedding being the day after his wife’s birthday? Hell, my brother would LOVE that; it would make it easier for him to remember her birthday and my anniversary, and he’d probably want me to pop out a nephew or neice for him on the 30th too!

It sounds like you have a whole year left to plan, unless you have a very short engagement, so I would drop all talk of “what can I do to get you to come to my wedding” for now, and focus on improving your relationship with your brother. I know you are having a hard time seeing where you may have let him down but that doesn’t matter; HE thinks you’ve not been there for him, and that’s what you have to change. Try to spend more time with him and with his wife, maybe plan a weekend visit soon, and see if in a few months he’s feeling better about your relationship. Then you can ask if together you can find a way to make that September date work for both of you.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hi! Welcome!

I think it’s nice of your brother to be concerned about his wife’s birthday. You and your Fiance sound pretty laid back,and you sound so nice and willing to work with this. What if you suggest to your brother that instead of the traditional rehearsal dinner, your family goes out to dinner for his wife’s birthday the night before?

Also, you mention that you didn’t really like her. Do you get on okay with her now? Maybe you could call and talk to her, and just let her know that it’s important to you that your brother be there, but you feel her birthday is important too, and ask if she’d be okay with dinner the night before.

(Personally, I can’t imagine skipping someone’s wedding because it was the day after my birthday. Especially not if it was also an excuse to go out of town and spend birthday night in a nice hotel drinking wine with my husband. πŸ™‚ 

 

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