- 4 years ago
Hi! I’m a new bee… long time lurker, first time poster. Just thought I would say hello and share my story! I am ‘waiting’ and have been waiting for only a couple of months, and Boyfriend or Best Friend and I are coming up to our 1 year anniversary next month. I am 26 and he is 32. Everything has been going wonderfully and he is amazing!
I did a Patti Stanger-style ‘me-a-matum’ at around 9 months. For those of you who are unfamiliar, it is pretty much an ultimatum, except the focus is on you, not him. For example, you would say something like ‘I see marriage in my future, and I am pursuing that because it is really important to me. If you aren’t on board, that’s ok, but unfortunately I can’t wait to see if/when you change your mind, so I would need to let you go and find someone who wants the same things as me. Then I suppose you agree upon a timeline that works for both of you (ours is by the end of the year) and then you SHUT IT UP! If the deadline passes with no ring, you leave. I am willing to stick to that. I also said that I am not willing to move in together until we are engaged with a date booked.
To be honest I’m not sure if I would do it again. I mean, I think it worked well for me, but I can’t be sure yet. Boyfriend or Best Friend had that stuff on his mind, had talked about ‘our future’ and all that, but he didn’t see it as something he need to start working on. He didn’t see the rush. I however, at 26, would ideally like to get married next year, have a couple of years to ourselves, and then start popping some kids out. So it’s time to get a wriggle on. I explained that, and he gets it. He is smitten with me (and I with him) and he had to chase me pretty hard in the beginning (as I didn’t even want to be in a relationship!) so I’m not too worried about the deadline not being met. …Sounds a bit manipulative reading back on this, what do you guys think?
I have only been in one other relationship, 7.5 years long, with a man who was 15 years my senior. We moved in early on, completely shared finances, and bought an apartment together, and lived there with our cat. I left him in June last year finally, after being totally zoned out of the relationship for years. He was quite emotionally abusive actually. Having that experience just makes me appreciate even more what I have now!
Anyway, unfortunately BF’s grandpa is very unwell, and he will be travelling overseas next week to say goodbye, and he will go back there again for the funeral. Plus he needs to get his passport renewed and pay extra for the emergency 3-day turn around. His car broke down too and cost him a motza to fix. He was quite stressed about the cost of the flights, and I told him not to stress too much about saving for the ring. I don’t want him to think that I’ll leave him because he got smashed financially and he couldn’t save up in time. But he said ‘Oh yeah I’ve given up on that’. … Not permanently I hope