Post # 17
I’m going through the same exact situation..being a long distant bm…i’m dealing with a last-minute bride too..which is very frustrating b/c her job (as a nurse) takes priority over wedding plans. She’s also having me pick up my own expenses for the dress, travel and hotel..and I can’t tell you how many times, I imagined telling her I just can’t do this…(but I didn’t b/c she was my BFF in college) I have to admit, I was a little pushy (selfish?) at the beginning of the process (when she didn’t pick the dress yet) and then I took a step back and realized..UMMM-her wedding, HER day…SUCK it up! (this is my second time being a bm)
Luckily she’s finally picked a dress after picking a previous one. (the previous one was a so-so dress that was going to be in an icky-color (terracotta)-THANK goodness, for that!) The new dress, ehh…i guess it’s doable…we’ll see. I ordered it from netbrides.com and I rush-ordered it too and it says it’ll come by July 17th for a late August wedding. If I didn’t rush it, it would have arrived the week before, leaving no time for alterations. There’s only one other person standing up for her, the maid of honor and just trying to have email conversations with her is ridiculous. Let me tell you, how hard it is to get her to email me back, at all!
A store here has the dress style but not the color, so at least, i got to see how the dress looks. I’m crossing my fingers that it will look ok on me. (I also hate having to pay for an ugly dress!) I also live in a different state from the bride and from where the wedding will be..which, as I’m sure you can relate, makes the whole situation even more frustrating. YAY for mileage travel!
One tip about possibly wearing a dress you don’t like, if yours is going to be a long dress (as in my situation), imagine how it will look short later. (for a cocktail dress or something) (so at least you can save it and wear again for later..)
One more thing…as my aunt says…wait until YOUR wedding and stick HER with the ugly dress! 😉
Good luck with your situation!
PS. Another friend also asked me to be her bm the following month and I had to say no..I just can’t deal with the stress of it all again in the next month!
Post # 18
I feel your pain. I was Bridesmaid or Best Man in my college roommate’s wedding 2 summers ago. (one of 15 Bridesmaid or Best Man, makes you feel special huh?) anyway, we spent 350 on the dress alone, and it was horrible. I felt like a roman statue or something in the dress. I had it altered 3 times by the bridal shop that sold me the dress, I thought they would know what it was suppose to look like and didn’t trust another person to do the alterations. The dress never fit right. I was still way to big, and I looked like a cow in it, or atleast I felt I looked like a cow in it. No one looked good in it, all 15 of us looked bad. I didn’t understand why she picked this horrible dress, and made us buy these ugly shoes at $75 pc then have them dyed off white and the dress was to the floor with a train. But I sucked it up and did it without complaining, all of us did.
Even for the trip to Mexico, paying for our own hair and makeup, etc. etc.
Its her wedding, its her day. I felt gross, but she felt beautiful. And that’s what was important. I love her, she’s my friend, but she doesn’t have the best taste. She thinks if it costs alot then its classy. Which we all know isn’t true.
Now I’m getting married in June. I found lovely, simple dresses for $170, they can wear whatever shoes they like, and I’m paying for their hair and makeup.
Post # 19
V- I think you absolutely should talk to the bride… It’s obviously too late for a dress change, but you at least deserve the chance to have it properly altered. I’m a bride who actually went out of her way to be sure that my BM’s were all happy, all 6 of them. Granted we are using 3 different dress styles (I hate matchy looks), but I think it is ridiculous to expect a group of girls unless they are all the same size to look even decent in the same dress. They are paying for their own dresses and I would never expect them to drop $200 on something they hated. It’s ludicrous to expect that! This is a bit of a rant here, but I am so over hearing brides go on about how this is "their day" and no one should question their decisions. Your a bride for one day, not the freaking Queen of England. One of my BMs recently dropped out of her own brothers wedding due to the chosen Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. Her Future Sister-In-Law refused to budge on the choice, and as sad as it is that she came to this decision, the dress honestly would have been humiliating on a girl her size. Wanting to look good for your friend on her wedding day is not wrong and it does not "make it all about you". As bride, I want all of my girls to look & feel their best, its a special day for all of us. I hope your able to work something out, best of luck with the dress!
Post # 20
Again, thanks everyone for their inputs!
hehe I was just joking to one of my friend that why do I have to look and feel humiliating in order for the bride to feel special? Well, I’ll have to wait and see when the time comes. Someday when I plan my own wedding, I won’t make someone wear something that would make them feel embarrass for sure! Thats like putting the friendship gun on their head and saying " you’re paying for this ugly dress and you’re wearing it and you have no say because it’s "my" day ".
Anyway, I’ve thought about it after reading all of your posts…..and I’ve decided I am just going to wear the dress, however it fit and do it. I don’t have any other choice.
Post # 21
And really, it’s not your wedding, so you don’t even have to keep the pictures. It’s your friend who will be stuck with an album full of photos of all of you in dresses that don’t fit and/or don’t look good on you. The guests will just be thinking "What was the bride thinking?" as they all know it’s the bride’s taste on parade, not yours.
I had a not-too-bad (not-that-great, never wore it again) dress for my sister’s wedding. Nothing offensive, just not my style at all. It was from Nordstrom, a very simple, black, bias cut dress. The truly horrible thing was that she had us all get our hair done that morning, and mine looks quite awful to me. But she has the photos in an album; I have them in a box and never look at them. So really, its her loss! I had quite forgotten how horrible it was until I looked through her album for photos of her tables and cake, when starting to plan my own wedding. Now it’s actually kind of funny. I absolutely should have known not to let a guy wearing multiple ropes of fake pearls and tight velvet pants do my hair.