Post # 1
So I have two sisters, two brothers, and a step-sister. One of my sisters and my step-sister are going to be my bridesmaids. The other sister is not a bridesmaid. Apparently she’s rather pissed. We’ve never been super close and for the last 4ish years she’s been pretty obnoxious to me. She’s a high drama person and I’m a bit worried now about even inviting her to the wedding because she might purposely cause issues. Invite her or not?
I’m the oldest of five; I have one sister that is 27, one that is 23, and a step sister that is 13 (I am 33). The 27yo, we will call her Julia, and I have always had a rough relationship. We have very different tastes, different hobbies, and just generally are very different people so we’ve never been super close. When my father passed away we had a falling out… she felt there should be more money from his “estate” and there wasn’t (there was, in fact, negative money as I paid out of pocket for funeral expenses and to have his horder-house cleaned). Since then we haven’t really talked. She’s had a pretty rough few years and so have I… up until a year ago. I left a 10yr relationship, she got a divorce (after a year of marriage), she moved, I moved.
We live 30mins away from each other now and I had hoped that we could maybe at least be friendly but that hasn’t been the case. She’s called me horrible names, behind my back to other family members (mostly regarding having a “surprise” pregnancy) and also calls my Fiance “Craig” instead of by his name because I happened to meet him on craigslist. According to my other sister “Julia” is very jealous of my having a baby (she has tried to get pregnant and has not gotten pregnant yet) and is, now, apparently angry that she isn’t a bridesmaid.
Honestly, I’m not even sure I want Julia to come to the wedding as she is VERY high drama and likes to “air dirty laundry in public”.
It makes me terribly sad because I’d honestly love to have her as part of my wedding party. She LOVES to do party organization, she is fun to be around when she’s happy and she likes you, and mostly just because she’s my sister and I do love her, I always wanted to have ALL my sisters as bridesmaids. I don’t want her to have a public drama moment at my wedding or to make a toast to me and “craig” or any other of a number of possiblitties I can imagine.
What’s your opinion Bees? Invite or no?
Post # 2
Well, as a fellow dramatic Julia…. j/k
If she is already pissed she is not a bridesmaid not inviting her to the wedding might be WW3. You say she us fun when she is happy and likes you. She will most likely be fun on your day. Invite her but also warn her that if ANYTHINH funky comes she will be asked to leave
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
Unless you want to have no future relationship with her, invite her. Can you get someone to keep an eye on her and shut down any difficult dramatic moments before they get out of hand?
Post # 4
Normally I would say that my mom would do this, but she has volunteered to watch my son and while she can/would watch my son and keep an eye on Julia, I think she might not be able to divide her attention enough. My brothers and other sister are all younger than she is, so she wouldn’t listen to them and my brothers at least wouldn’t probably have the sense to know when something was up till too late.
Well dramatic Julia.. hehe =) ….as far asking my Julia to leave, the ceremony and reception are both outside at a park. So we could “ask” but it’s not like we could kick her out of a building. I do think it’s sort of a turning point. I might add tho, I wasn’t invited to her wedding.
I’d really like it if she was happy and at least liked me for the day. I’d even be happy for her to be a bridesmaid, if I was sure she wouldn’t be big drama. I don’t want to spend an extra $100+ for her to be a bridesmaid tho and then have her decide not to come or decide she was going to throw a fit right before hand. She also smokes a LOT of pot, so her being wasted and trying to be a bridesmaid (or at my wedding even) isn’t high on my list of “wants”.
I don’t know, I’m really torn. I *want* her to be there and be the fun, sweet, friendly girl that she sometimes is… but I don’t want the raging, crying, fit throwing monster that has threatened to “curb stomp” me or called me a “raging slut”.
She also goes out of her way to ignore my son on the few occations we’ve had family events together. I’ve NEVER said she couldn’t hold him or be his aunty but she won’t even aknowledge that he’s there or talk about him. Makes me sad. And a little offended.
Partly venting… thanks.
Post # 5
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her
Post # 6
Wow. Why weren’t you invited to her wedding? Not inviting a sister is a big deal.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House
Red flag: You not being invited to her wedding. That seems very odd.
Post # 8
I was leaning towards you inviting her and getting someone to watch her… however, she didn’t invite you to her wedding which is odd. I’d speak to her about all this first though – I’d have to ask her why I wasn’t invited to her wedding if I were you!
Basically my Mum had a similar issue to Julia. She married almost 20 years before the first of her 2 sisters married. When she announced the engagement her parents told her they would refuse to go to the wedding, and so would the rest of the family as they didn’t want her marrying an English man. So she never invited her sisters to her wedding. Stupidly she didn’t tell her sisters about the letter from her parents, assuming they knew. They didn’t know and were hurt for almost 20 years because they weren’t invited, but didn’t raise it with my Mum.
So 20 years later youngest sister marries, has the other sister as a bridesmaid and not my Mum. Mum asks her why and her sister says ‘well you didn’t even invite us to yours!’. So Mum explained about the letter and turns out her sisters really didn’t know anything about it. Mum sent them both a copy (as they didn’t believe her). They now accept why they weren’t invited but Mum still wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, which really hurt her.
So I would definitely speak to her about it, but generally speaking she can’t expect you to make her a bridesmaid if she married before you and didn’t a) make you her bridesmaid and b) invite you to her wedding! (unless they eloped with no family present I suppose).
Post # 9
Yes. You need to invite her.
I also suggest you have a heart to heart with her and hash out everything that has occured in the past few years.
Post # 10
Who you have as bridesmaids is entirely up to you so I wouldn’t worry about her being a bridesmaid, especially if there’s a chance she could go AWOL. I’d invite her though cause not inviting her would be WW3. I do think it’s weird that she didn’t invite you to her wedding though so it might be worth sitting down with her and outlining the reasons she’s not a bridesmaid and find out why you weren’t invited.
Post # 11
Your mom raised 5 kids, I would think she could probably divide her attention between watching your kid & your sister…
IF you want to mend any kind of relationship with her, invite her to the wedding. Maybe you guys should meet up for coffee or lunch one day to try and discuss things to mend the relationship beforehand. Of course, she’d have to want that too, but putting that idea out there as an option is a step in the right direction.