(Closed) High drama sister… invite or not?

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
7440 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Well, as a fellow dramatic Julia…. j/k

If she is already pissed she is not a bridesmaid not inviting her to the wedding might be WW3. You say she us fun when she is happy and likes you. She will most likely be fun on your day. Invite her but also warn her that if ANYTHINH funky comes she will be asked to leave

Post # 3
2475 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

Unless you want to have no future relationship with her, invite her.  Can you get someone to keep an eye on her and shut down any difficult dramatic moments before they get out of hand?

Post # 5
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her

Post # 6
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Wow. Why weren’t you invited to her wedding? Not inviting a sister is a big deal.

Post # 7
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House

Red flag: You not being invited to her wedding. That seems very odd.

Post # 8
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I was leaning towards you inviting her and getting someone to watch her… however, she didn’t invite you to her wedding which is odd. I’d speak to her about all this first though – I’d have to ask her why I wasn’t invited to her wedding if I were you!

Basically my Mum had a similar issue to Julia. She married almost 20 years before the first of her 2 sisters married. When she announced the engagement her parents told her they would refuse to go to the wedding, and so would the rest of the family as they didn’t want her marrying an English man. So she never invited her sisters to her wedding. Stupidly she didn’t tell her sisters about the letter from her parents, assuming they knew. They didn’t know and were hurt for almost 20 years because they weren’t invited, but didn’t raise it with my Mum.

So 20 years later youngest sister marries, has the other sister as a bridesmaid and not my Mum. Mum asks her why and her sister says ‘well you didn’t even invite us to yours!’. So Mum explained about the letter and turns out her sisters really didn’t know anything about it. Mum sent them both a copy (as they didn’t believe her). They now accept why they weren’t invited but Mum still wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, which really hurt her. 

So I would definitely speak to her about it, but generally speaking she can’t expect you to make her a bridesmaid if she married before you and didn’t a) make you her bridesmaid and b) invite you to her wedding! (unless they eloped with no family present I suppose).

Post # 9
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
yarrowwind:  Yes. You need to invite her.

I also suggest you have a heart to heart with her and hash out everything that has occured in the past few years. 

Post # 10
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Who you have as bridesmaids is entirely up to you so I wouldn’t worry about her being a bridesmaid, especially if there’s a chance she could go AWOL. I’d invite her though cause not inviting her would be WW3. I do think it’s weird that she didn’t invite you to her wedding though so it might be worth sitting down with her and outlining the reasons she’s not a bridesmaid and find out why you weren’t invited.

Post # 11
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Your mom raised 5 kids, I would think she could probably divide her attention between watching your kid & your sister…

IF you want to mend any kind of relationship with her, invite her to the wedding.  Maybe you guys should meet up for coffee or lunch one day to try and discuss things to mend the relationship beforehand.  Of course, she’d have to want that too, but putting that idea out there as an option is a step in the right direction. 

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