Post # 46
When I first met my husband after dating one month I asked him to get an aids and STD test. I also took a test. I told him, it’s for my protection and yours and if we are both clear, then we can start having sex. Once we were both in the clear, I never bothered to ask what his past was. I personally don’t want to know, and I definitely don’t want him to know mine. I was young, careless and excited. I suspect he wasn’t an angel either. I think asking that question can bring too much trouble, why bother, you can’t change the past.
Post # 47
I never asked for a number, it never occurred to me. Plus he might not even remember lol. I was off the market at 22, so my number was not going to be high obviously. No one worth knowing is without a past.
Post # 48
We told each other our numbers and I never really gave it anymore thought. My Fiance has slept with probably double the number I have and he’s nine years younger. Most of these were in college though when he was definitely in non commitment mode so to me it’s not that big of a deal.
Post # 49
I really wouldn’t give a single shit, despite having a very low number myself. I certainly don’t regret not having more but that was my choice and that doesn’t mean it’s the best choice for someone else. As it turns out my husband has a pretty low (although higher than mine) number himself. And he has told me that he would’ve questioned my morals if I had a high number (probably like 15+ in his opinion). I don’t share that viewpoint, as I don’t think an unattached person having consensual casual sex is doing anything morally wrong, but since DH attaches the same standard to men as well, we can agree to disagree.
Actually when I was younger I had the opposite problem. My number was zero and I worried it would keep me from finding a relationship. I had wanted to wait for marriage until I was about 21 and then changed my mind. In the end it wasn’t an issue.
Post # 50
As much as I wish it could say it wouldn’t affect my opinion, I would be worried that someone who had slept with so many wasn’t interested in anything serious or was just using me. My husband and I actually had the same number (that you could count on one hand), and that made me feel better about entering into a relationship with him.
Post # 51
I have to be honest. Most of the men that I dealt with that had high numbers of partners were not interested in being in a serious committed relationship or were cheaters. This may not always be the case, but I don’t think that I would expect a real committment from a man with whorish tendencies.
My DH and I have very low numbers compared to the number presented to the OP and that is what I would prefer. We did discuss the amount of previous partners, as it is something that we care about. I would not want to be with a man that every girl in the local area had been with sexually, just saying. To each their own though…
Post # 52
You do know that all it takes is ONE partner to contract an STD right? A low number of partners means nothing if that person has always had unprotected sex. Not even condoms protect against all diseases, especially when you factor in typical vs perfect use.
I’m not sure why you and your husband are worried about your nephew’s sex life and possible reactions to it. The sex life of a grown man isn’t any of your business. Not everyone thinks like you and your fiance either, so for all you know he may marry a woman who doesn’t care what he did in the past.
I don’t care how many women my husband had sex with before we met. I only want to know that he is faithful to me and he doesn’t have any diseases. We were both tested before we had unprotected sex.
Post # 53
This is so true.
Before I met my husband, I learned not to share my number with men. Whenever I made that tragic error, my number was either too low or too high. So many men think it is okay for them to sleep around but not women.
I have had more partners than my husband but our numbers are about the same. We don’t judge each other for it.
Post # 54
You do know, I know that already, right? But by having a larger amount of sexual partners you’re upping your risk of contracting something. Condroms are not always used properly 100% of the time. I also don’t know anyone who uses condom while performing oral sex, so even if he’s using condoms for intercourse, he’s still putting himself and others at risk. Afterall, it could take a long time for symptoms to show, or not show at all.
Well, he decided to bring it up to us, so he brought us into his business. His uncle (my FI) helped raise him, so my Fiance has natural concerns. I care about him, too, so we are naturally going to try and give him sound advice.
For his sake, I hope he does find a girl in the future that won’t judge him. It will just have to depend on the girl.
As you can see, from reading through the comments, a lot of women have mixed feeling about this issue.
Post # 55
I assumed you didn’t know that it only takes one person, because your words made it seem like only those who have slept around are high risk. That just isn’t true. What happens if a virgin sleeps with someone who lied about having more than 30 partners and she catches a disease? This happens more often than you think because people lie about how many sexual partners they have had.
I am the one who mentioned that condoms are not used properly most of the time, so you don’t need to mention that to me. I am unusually educated about sexual health, which is why I realize that having few partners doesn’t necessarily protect anyone from catching diseases. Another example would be a woman who is married to a closeted gay man who is having unprotected sex with men while still sleeping with his wife. Boom…she contracts HIV without ever being unfaithful or slutty.
I could see why your fiance would care about his nephew and I agree that once you are brought into a situation, you certainly have the right to comment on it. Just be aware that your nephew may take your sound advice as meddling and looking down on him. I gave my opinion about the reasons my young cousin is getting married. Even though she confided in me, she ripped my head off when I told her what I really thought.
Post # 56
I think it would bother me. Both DH and I were each other’s first… if he had told me he’d been with 50+ women, and I’d never been with a guy before, I think I would have felt inexperienced and intimidated. But I don’t think it would have even got that far.. I would not have been interested in someone who slept around.
Post # 57
I am 28 and have a semi-high number. Under 30. A lot of them were one night stands as a drunken teenager. I regret most of them but there is nothing I can do about it now. I am a very sexual person and always chose to make things physical early on in the relationship. I have never had an STD and I get tested atleast once a year for everything. Even since being with my SO. I have never cheated on him and he has never cheated on me so its really not even necessary. My SO also has a high number. I have never inquired about it because there are things I would just rather not know. He has joked its around 50 but honestly I believe its closer to 75 or more. He is 37 and I am his 3rd longterm relationship. He was with one of his sons mothers for 8 years, his other sons mother for 6 years and we’ve been together for 5. So, I know he’s capable of commitment. He is very good looking and is very flirty so I totally see how he could have been with so many women. If I had been with less than say 10 people I might see things in a different light. I personally don’t think its a big deal if the person is “clean”. But I do see how some people could get upset over it.
Post # 58
Ok now that I actually think about it his number probably is in the 50 or lesx range instead of more. I never thought about it for more than a few seconds until this post. So I never added up the amount of time in his life spent in a commited relationship vs being single. Lol oh well. Either way we both have large numbers and either of us think its a big deal but we also don’t discuss it.
Post # 59
I am not aware of the exact number of sexual partners my husband had prior to meeting me, and he is not aware of my exact number. That information did not seem to matter much once we laid eyes on each other and both knew that we were each other’s futures.
Post # 60
I’m another girl in favor of not sharing numbers! So I wouldn’t worry about your nephew too much!