(Closed) High Number Of Sexual Partners

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
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2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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MrsN14:  You sound very very young

Post # 62
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

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MrsN14:  just because you have a narrow minded view on sex doesn’t mean someone who has had multiple partners is gross or has an unhealthy relationship with sex. 

Post # 63
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3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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OMGMrsW2B:  

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nycsa:  

Yes, she does sound very naive and inexperienced. I notice that her mindset is common among those who waited until marriage for sex; they look down on others who did not do the same. 

Experienced women like ourselves are obviously going to be better in bed. 

Post # 64
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1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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SprinkleDonut:  It would depend on age. 45 at age 20? Ehhh, I’d be off put for sure. He’d have to be amazing and really sincere for me to look past that. 45 at age 35? Not so bad, depending on the circumstances. 

DH and I both have very low numbers, but we got together young. If we had taken a few more years, my number if not both would have been higher.

Post # 65
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

doesnt bother me.  I’m sure people with higher numbers are better in bed anyway, hence, the reason why i’m pregnant lol 😉

Post # 66
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2347 posts
Buzzing bee

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PositiveThinking:  I think another thing is that people who wait to have sex until marriage (deliberately), belive that being the first really means something special. Maybe to them it does! But personally, as a lady who has had lots of sex with lots of people (ladies and gents), I can say it’s not the number someone is, it’s how memorable they are. I had a boyfriend for two years who was TERRIBLE at sex, then there was this one guy X who I had sex with once and it was unforgettable. I mean, I don’t pine for him now that I’m happily coupled, but that was some damn good sex! And probably the bulk of people I slept with were in the range of “ok to forgettable”. I think for highly religious people sex has so many other connotations- it means committment and lifetime love, etc. So for them they can’t imagine having that same bond with many different people. In reality, most people who have multiple partners don’t feel that with all of them, for us, sex is different (if not totally seperate) from emotional love and committment. 

Post # 67
Member
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Hmmm… i think i would think first on the intentions of the guy… but yeah tbh it would gross me out. Im sure one ex of mine has been with about… 30-50 girls and i find it … not appealing?

Im glad DH has a small number (i dont remember but it’s about 3-7) and mine is 3, including him.

 

Post # 68
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3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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swonderful:  

+1 So well said!

I knew that I wanted to wait until I met someone special. I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend whom I was madly in love with. It was very romantic.

One of the reasons I always preferred older men is they make much better lovers. I will never forget my Italian playmate from the heady autumn I was 19. He had a gift for setting the stage for lovemaking with Chianti, jazz music, candles and hot oil massages. There was also an ex biker who would set my thighs aflame with his touch. 

My husband has been my very best lover, partly because of our emotional bond. I turned off my emotions when I was a single woman having sex so that I wouldn’t get hurt. My husband taught me to connect emotions with sex, along with some other very erotic things.  He also patiently works through my sexual inhibitions that come from being sexually abused in the past. Though I was sexually experienced before I met my husband, there are some sexual acts that I only tried with him; we have a unique comfort level with each other. 

Post # 69
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

I never really cared as long as they weren’t still sleeping with other people and were healthy. Everybody lives the way they feel is right for them and that’s their business. 

Fiance on the other hand judged me harshly for the longest time because my number was higher at 20 than his at 29 (12 vs about 9; he changed his answer, so, I’m using an average) and I wasn’t in a commited relationship or even necessarily dating all of them. We still a disagree when it comes up, but, atleast he isn’t verbally abusive about it anymore. 

He has this really set-in-stone and idealistic view of sex where anybody who doesn’t follow the rules (what he and people who are ‘really’ adults supposedly believe) they’re children, sluts, dirtballs, don’t have respect for sex or themselves, etc. He feels the same way about people who don’t care about numbers. 

Post # 70
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Either Philadelphia City Hall or a small chapel.

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spiffanee:  Agreed.

I’ve never had sex with a stranger or just to have it (If that’s right for you, cool.). I really liked or even loved somebody and wanted to feel closer. 

Post # 71
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

I think it says a lot about how the person views sex. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong by having many sexual partners, to each their own really, but I don’t think I would share the same views when it comes to sexuality and intimacy, and these are huge parts of a relationship ! I think you need to be on the same page.

I chose not to have many sexual partners in my life, mostly because I don’t enjoy sex as much as I enjoy the intimacy in a long-term, committed relationship (and sex within that contect is absolutely amazing !). When I was single, I never had any interest for one-night stands or friends with benefits for that reason. Many of my friends did though – good for them ! Sex was extremely important to their well-being, but it wasn’t for me. As a result, my friends’ numbers are high, and mine is low. Right off the bat, we do not consider sex the same way when it comes to its necessity, frequency, importance, etc. I would assume it’s the same for a man who has a high number. I need to be on the same page with a partner, on that topic especially, so it’s not an issue of judging him, it has more to do with the fact we don’t share the same views on sexuality and intimacy, and this could be a problem later on in our relationship. 

Post # 72
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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Diamondgurl:  

If you are preggo, you are obviously a good time! High five! 

Post # 73
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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NauticalDisaster:  

This makes a lot of sense. 

I once slept with a man who was very conservative about sex, ejaculated prematurely and had a very small penis. I knew that we wouldn’t be compatible in the long run because a good sexual connection is very important to me. 

Post # 74
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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MissFormaldehyde:  

You poor thing! I’m sorry that your fiance was verbally abusive when you were just being honest. This is why I think it is never a good idea for a woman to tell a man how many sexual partners she has had. Most men have a Madonna/Whore complex. My husband is open minded about women who have slept around but he is in the minority. 

Post # 75
Member
2890 posts
Sugar bee

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PositiveThinking:  Thankfully, none of my partners have had problems like that, although I can say my previous partners seemed to enjoy their pleasure more than they cared about mine (but they were younger, too), while my fiancé cares about my pleasure mostly. My fiancé is also the first person with whom there’s absolutely no pressure when it comes to sex, its frequency and ”performance” (I used to argue about this all the time with my ex). I guess this makes a world of difference when it comes to compatibility. And since we’re both good learners, the fact we had only a few partners each was enough for us to be experienced, yet we could still show a few tricks to each other which was nice, too.

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