Post # 1
I got married 9/4/10. I received a text in between Christmas and New Year’s from a high school friend, who I have occassional contact with that said: “Just saw your wedding pics on fb. Not gonna lie, I’m exteremely hurt that you did not even invite me.”
I did not respond for several reasons, most of all because I did think any sort of explanation would erase those feelings. We have seen each other infrequently since high school, 11 years ago. I don’t consider her a good friend anymore. I tried to stay in touch, but she did not reciprocate. On top of that, she RSVPed to a mutual friend’s wedding I was in a few years ago for 2 – then never showed up. She never explained why to the friend either.
I just felt that by now, we were in very different places in our lives and that it was OK to lead our own adult lives. She has had a tough year, her mom died of cancer last year, but our relationship did not change as a result of that. I never want to hurt a friend, but the text was impersonal and unwarranted. I don’t think it would help to tell her she hasn’t been that great of a friend over the past 10 years.
If I run into her, what would be the best thing to say so as not to create drama?
Post # 3
I would say pretty much what you just said there! Say you’re sorry, but you don’t see each other very frequently, you’ve tried to stay in touch but that she doesn’t do the same. Due to the venue size and the budget, you had to keep it to close friends and family. I’d make an obligatory “Sorry I didn’t meant to upset you” and leave it at that.
Post # 4
@bakerella: Well, I don’t know that you should mention what you said here… i.e., her not showing up at another wedding etc. Just tell her that you had a guestlist that did not allow for her to be invited. Tell her you are sorry you hurt her and wish her a happy New Year.
Post # 5
@bRooklynRocks: Agreed. I wouldn’t say that either. I think just saying about the lack of contact despite attempts on the OP’s part would suffice.
Post # 6
I really just don’t understand the gall of people sometimes. You don’t owe her any explanation at all, but she is kind of forcing it upon you. I would tell her that you are sorry her feelings are hurt, but your venue or budget would not allow a large guest list. Then I would move on. Your wedding is about you and your husband, not her. She should understand that.
Post # 7
I’m trying to think of why she would even send that text, and the only reason I can come up with would be to pick a fight with you. So I think you did the right thing by not responding. It seems like she might have some emotional issues and she’s lashing out at you for whatever reason. Even if you were actually close enough to invite her, saying something like that is totally out of line – weddings are expensive so the guest list becomes a hot topic because of $, also very personal since you only want people who love you to attend. Given that she RSVP’d for 2 to your friends wedding and didn’t show I could see why you were worried about her.
Anyway, if you run into her at some point I say just act normal. Give her a hug and say it’s nice to see her and ask how she’s been. If you talk for more than a few minutes, mention that you got her text and didn’t know what to say in response, but you are sorry that she had hurt feelings.
Post # 8
OK, thank you for your thoughts. ladies!
Post # 9
Not gonna lie, I’m exteremely hurt that you did not even invite me.
good grief – some people need to learn some manners and get a life!