Post # 61
I am surprised no one has picked up on the guy’s words which OP mentioned in her original post about him being destined to be alone for the rest of his life and the fact that he should probably not get married and have kids.
To me, this signals emotional unavailability of some kind. As does the fact that he is taking it slow with the girl he is seeing and also gushing to the OP about how well he thinks of her. This is a man who is not fully emotionally available or ready for a serious relationship just yet. We don’t know the reasons.
What we know is that he came back into the OP’s life and came to work on a project with her, got close to her, told her how much she meant to him, all while simultaneously kind of starting something with someone else which is casual. This is very typical behaviour of a guy who is not ready, who is a bit emotionally unavailable and who is not yet sure what he wants.
Don’t take this personally, OP, whatever you do. You put yourself out there, and that takes courage. I don’t think he’s in a place to want what you want, based on the words that he said to you. His lack of response to your message just confirms that for me. Wish him well in your heart, and I agree with ladyjane123, give him space and don’t contact him (I know you already said you won’t). This may be it for the two of you, or it may not be – just know that either way, it’s for the best.
Post # 62
strawberrysakura : Won’t send another message. It is what it is.
ladyjane123 : Wow. I’m glad you are ok after that foolishness girl! Such an asshole!
Post # 63
indigobee : I never thought about it this way at all.
I am really just feeling so stupid and silly right now. I read over my original post and the msg I sent to him….and what kind of person still “holds on” to the memory of love that was found at 16 yrs old????? My life must truly suck to still be open or interested in a man who I haven’t been with for 20 years. Sadly, I have started to feel like such a fool for being so open. I now regret saying anything. I feel so embarrassed. Ugh.
Post # 64
- Wedding: May 2019 - City, State
schooldaze : Look at it this way: some temporary embarrassment is much better than a lifetime of “what if?”
You shouldn’t be embarrassed for wearing your heart on your sleeve and putting your feelings out there. You saw what you wanted, let it be known, and now you know where you stand. No harm, no foul. His loss, not yours. Your life definitely does not have to suck for you to look back incredibly fondly on your first love, especially when you find yourself available and he seems to see you favorably. But now you’re free to move forward with no regrets and no wondering what could have been.
Post # 65
Don’t feel in anyway bad, it happpens to all of us. Almost everyone I know has someone from their early high school time that they romanticise and think what if about. I think it’s pretty common. In my case I remembered how he was when we were young and unfortunately he got worse with age. He is the guy in my previous posts who I mentioned got happy endings and thought that was ok. Obviously when we were younger I thought he was great and accepted me. I didn’t see his flaws because as an adult it’s so much easier to see.
What you did took courage. It also forever stands as a reminder to you that you put all your cards out there and did everything you could. You can go live your life knowing you explored every what if. Your conscience is clean. I know his non response hurts but let’s call it a tax. My tax was more financial. I spent 3,000 total for the trip that let me walk away free and clear. Your tax might be emotional but it’s worth it if it lets you move forward freely. ❤️
Post # 66
schooldaze : DO NOT FEEL BAD. While you’re emotionally wounded (maybe not even sad about him not feeling the same way—your pride is just hurt), you’re in a better place than you were before because you didn’t sit and wait on a man to make the first move. You saw an opportunity and went for it, rather than sitting and twiddling your thumbs, passively waiting for your knight in shining armor to finally make a move that may have never come. You’re not lost in your thoughts wondering “what if”. If anything, you’ve got closure and that this guy isn’t the man (if we can call him that even) for you.
What you did took ovaries of fucking steel and we ALL wish we could be like you. You took a huge step, made yourself vulnerable, and you’re still secure and happy with who you are as a person. Be proud of THAT.
Also, fuck this guy. Make no mistake—he *totally* led you to believe that he had feelings for you. Do not doubt that. You did NOT read things incorrectly. He gave you clear and pointed signs of lingering attraction. Whether he was doing it for his own sick amusement or not is debatable, but you did not misinterpret anything.
Post # 67
I want to echo the other bees here – don’t feel bad! You were going about your life, doing just fine. The way this guy just re-entered your life, gushed about you to other people, then told you that he has always love you and there’s a part of him that no one has ever been able to penetrate because of you…you didn’t imagine all that. He basically laid out the red carpet, whether he meant to or not.
Obviously you have meaning to him. That’s not debatable. What is debatable is why he is reacting this way. You would think he would have the common decency to respond to your putting yourself on the line, even if it was awkward. His reaction was deplorable and I’m sure will help you get over him. But consider what would have happened had you said nothing. You might have continued to work closely with him and he might have continued to flatter you and talk about the ‘love he had for you and how special you are’, and what was a question now could have potentially been a lot more serious and deeper for you. By asking it now, you have potentially saved yourself a lot more heartache otherwise AND his true colors have been revealed.
OP, it also might be possible that you are a bit sensitive to these types of things given your separation. Have you started dating yet? If not, this could be a sign that you are ready.
Post # 68
In any event, did he reach out to you today to discuss the project?