(Closed) Hilarious husband text messages

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee

OMG…this is hilarious! My husband does the same thing. Especially if he knows I’m having a bad day. He’ll call me and tell me exactly what I did in bed that morning b/c I’m so sleepy and not with it. I will crack up just hearing about it. Love our men!

Post # 4
Member
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

hahaha! SO funny!!!!

I have gotten text messages like this while shopping at the mall “I want bourbon street for dinner. As your husband; i command you!”

Post # 5
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

haha that’s hilarious! I’m interested to see what funny things Fiance says after we get married and live together 🙂

Post # 6
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

DH texted me once asking when I would be home after work. Because he locked himself in the basement. Without pants on. 

Luckily I was on the bus and almost there, but I cracked up in this silent bus. Our washing machine was in the basement and I guess he washed the pants he was wearing as well?

haha good times

Post # 7
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I always get funny cooking mishap texts when I’m not home – “Baby, you were right. Cumin and parsley are NOT the same. Ordering a pizza. Are u mad?” hahaha!

He’s also a police officer who works at night – got a text this morning that said “Night wasn’t too busy. Locked up a couple of kids. Pulled a heroin needle out of a guy’s butt”.

Post # 9
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

The funniest one I ever got was, “Dear, I peed on the cat.” I mean, what do you even DO with that?

Our dumbass fat cat was trying to jump across the toilet while DH was, uh, using it…and he fell in and got peed on. 🙁 Poor cat. Still funny, though.

Post # 10
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Mrs Grape: Oh my gosh. I’m about to roll on the floor laughing!!!!

Post # 11
Member
1958 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My husband just texted me “that lunch-sized microwavable chili you put in my lunch is not in a microwavable container. well played Campbells”

Post # 12
Member
3872 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lrc3233:  That is TOO funny!

Post # 13
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Mrs Grape:  I just LOL’d!  And I am still laughing!

Post # 14
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I had to scroll through my phone to find one.

Fi: What you doin

Me: Watching moobie.  Coming home soon.

Fi: Ah… what movie?

Me: Cult moobie.

Fi: Surely you mean a cult classic like major league?

Me: No, moobie about a cult.

Post # 15
Member
2234 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Mrs Grape: OMG!!!!!! lol. I almost peed a little just reading that! HILARIOUS!

Post # 16
Member
1534 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

So, this isn’t a text, but it’s still funny. DH is a nurse, and I woke up at 5am this morning to him petting my head (like you would a cat). When I told him to stop petting me, he got  upset and said “calm down, I was just getting ready to take your blood pressure and stuff”

He rolled over and went back to sleep – and has no memory of it at all. lol

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